


Wishing and wanting

by csiribee



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Background Relationships, Blind Character, Crime Fighting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Love, M/M, Second Chances, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Lovers, Trouble, space dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-02-12 13:33:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 47,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12960339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/csiribee/pseuds/csiribee
Summary: Baze is a well-known, rich business man concerned about his nephew, Cassian, who has a difficult family background and gets always in trouble. Chirrut is a history prof, with a sweet foster son, Bodhi. The two boys happen to be in the same school. Will those different lives match together?Very AU story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write a happy Xmas story but as always there were just new ideas coming, little details expanding and it was growing bigger and bigger to become ... well, not a short one. So probably it won't be ready for Xmas and it won't be just short.
> 
> I'm mostly writing this because I miss to read about them, there are less and less stories with those two (or it is just me who feels this way?) and it is a pleasure to think on those guys.
> 
> As it is not ready yet, just in my head, I hope it will be a weekly update.

It was a sunny autumn afternoon. The warmth of the summer still lingered in the air, only the wind carried the promise of the earlier sunset. The first week of September. Baze was sitting on one of the seats behind the protective net of the small baseball field watching the last minutes of the training. He placed his suit jacket next to him and smiled back to the cheerleader girls whispering, giggling and flashing glances in his direction.

He let himself to relax only when he was with Cassian. As the business kept his days always busy, he couldn’t spend as much time with him as he wanted. So he wanted that time to be valuable, to spend it  _ entirely _ with his nephew. Because whatever time they spent together, at the end it was always the same. Cassian had to go back to the hell that meant his home.

Baze clenched his fist for a moment, than released it turning his attention back to the arena where Cassian was preparing to a batting. The pitcher threw  the ball, Cassian hit it with all his power and Baze felt proud. The ball flew in the air, he dropped the bat and started to run towards the next base. The boy who was waiting on the second base started to run towards the next one at the same time.

That other boy had a darker skin and darker hair, but was as sinewy as Cassian. Thin but strong. A runner. During the whole training, they avoided each other with Cassian, as much as they could,  as if there was a silent agreement between them: stay away from each other. Baze presumed that he was the one with whom Cassian started a fight two days ago.  Cassian didn’t say what sparked the fight but sitting there, watching the game, Baze already had an idea. The pitcher was a girl. Baze let out a sigh.

It was only the first week of the year in the new school. Always the same story. Cassian was angry, frustrated and confused. No matter how many times he changed school, no matter how many time Baze spent with him. It didn’t help. Cassian had to fight this fight with himself. Baze couldn’t do anything just to be there anytime when Cassian needed him.

The next batter couldn’t make any hit and the training was over. Cassian waved to wait him at the entrance so he got his things together and walked back to the front. Cassian came out a few minutes later still in his training clothes. “Hello, Baze!” he greeted him.

“Nice shot, kiddo!” Baze rose his palm for a high five and Cassian finally smiled and his greyhound eyes lit up.

“Yeah, I got it real hard. It was a good one!” he put his bag on the back seat and closed the door. “Oh, shit!” his smile faded away as he looked back to the entrance of the baseball field.

Baze turned his head to see the other boy from the second base leading a guy, around the same age as Baze, in their direction. “Who are they?”

“That’s Bodhi...” said Cassian on a tired voice. “...and probably his foster father or guardian or what…”

“Oh.” said Baze. As the couple approached he noticed the slender white stick in the guy’s hand and he realised why the boy, Bodhi, is leading him. The guy had to be blind. “So you beated up a poor kid with a blind foster father, is that so?” he asked half joking.

“If you put it like that...yeah.” Cassian shrugged with a half smile. They both knew that it wasn’t for that. Cassian was not a bully, he just couldn’t control himself sometimes. Baze touched the pocket of his suit for his checkbook. He was ready to pay the price for what Cassian had done. He knew that was coming.

Baze was a well-known business man throughout Jedha because of his investments and real estate projects. On the other hand he was a celebrity because he loved to show off with his new arm candies, actors, singers, models or anybody handsome. It was also an investment on his side, making business on parties and enjoy the evening that followed. He knew that was an investment for his partners as well, publicity, connections. That’s how it goes. But he was sure that his partners also had fun during the nights they spent together. Some stayed a little longer, for a month or two. But that was very rare. Baze never felt the urge to detain any of them when they wanted to leave.

Anyway, he was ready to pay the price for Cassian. Parents who came to him always wanted that, his money, and he always paid to make them shut up. He kept everything under control. Except one thing. Except his idiot sister and his asshole husband, the parents of Cassian. He couldn’t keep them under control. The result was that Cassian got always in some kind of trouble and after two or three years, he had to switch school.

He took a better look on the approaching boy. Bodhi. He didn’t seemed to be a bully either, actually he seemed to be a rather nice kid. He presumed he was even polite and caring because of his blind old man. It was a kind of a preconception but preconceptions usually worked for Baze. He really had to have a talk with Cassian during the week-end, he decided. Mess up the last three years of high school and ruin his chances to go to university or at least to a decent college because he can’t hold himself back against a harmless kid wasn’t on Baze’s list.

The couple reached them and stopped, Bodhi a little hesitantly. Baze cleared his throat. “Good afternoon!” He wanted to play this as smooth as possible. “I’m Baze Malbus.” he offered his hand and he realised only after that the gesture was wasted if the guy wouldn’t do the same. “I’m Cassian’s uncle.”

“Chirrut Imwe.” the other reached out his hand in his general direction and Baze adjusted his to shake it. The man’s hand was warm and strong. He was casually elegant, in jeans, shirt and a light, brown suit. He seemed to be confident and self-conscious, without the insecurity one might think a blind person would be better off showing. This would be  _ expensive _ , Baze thought. “Nice to meet you.” the other added. “Would you allow me to change a few words with Cassian?” 

This would be  _ very _ expensive, Baze sighed. “Of course.” he poked Cassian’s side with his elbow, and gave him  _ the look _ .

“I’m sorry Mr. Imwe.” said Cassian automatically, with head bowed. “I shouldn’t have got in fight with Bodhi.” Baze nodded. Cassian had some black marks on his under arm caused by a firm grip, and Bodhi escaped with a very light bruise on his face. It wasn’t a big thing, the trainer separated them quickly. Anyway, apologies was the minimum.

“No,  _ I am _ sorry, Cassian.” said Bodhi. “It was my fault as much as yours.” Baze rose his brows. They don’t need the money than?

“Great!” lit up his smile the Imwe guy. “Cassian, I heard that you are new in the school, is that right?”

Cassian just shrugged, then he muttered when the other man tilted his head. “Yeah...it’s my first week here.”

Imwe just hummed. “Why don’t you come over to our house one afternoon in the next week to study together with Bodhi?” he asked.

Bodhi let out a small, surprised sound. “Uncle…!” he said in disbelief. Imwe turned to him and made the most impish smile Baze ever saw on a grown-up man’s face and reached out for Bodhi’s thin shoulders to pull him into a hug, laughing. Bodhi was still protesting, but Baze saw that this hug was often offered and often asked between them and Bodhi protested only because he was a shy teenager.

“I will cook some dinner to us if you would be allowed to stay as long.” he added still laughing on Bodhi’s week efforts and he turned to Baze. “I am a very good cook!” In his smile Baze saw a little pride about his cooking skills, a little mischief, lots of happiness and something he rarely saw, the pure joy of life. He smiled back involuntary.

“Well, it depends on Cassian.” he said. Bodhi was still held in the hug and shook his head but now with a small smile.

Cassian just shrugged again glancing on both of them. Bodhi and his foster father just stood there waiting. “Ok, thank you.” mumbled finally Cassian to Baze biggest surprise.

“Great!” his smile grew wider than his face. “I’ll see you next week.” and he  _ winked.  _ “Mr. Malbus.” he nodded shortly toward Baze.

“Mr. Imwe.” he replied.

“I guess I see you around, Cassian. Mr. Malbus.” waved Bodhi as they turned away.

“Yeah. By.” said Cassian.

“This guy is…” Baze searched for words. “...interesting.”

“Yeah, he seems to be...cool.” he talked to the car kicking the wheel.

“And you wanna’ go to them? To study with Bodhi?” they sat in the car and Baze turned the key.

“Yeah, well he is cool, too. And he is good in math.” Baze looked at him with a little disbelief. “We talked today. Before the training, you know.”

Baze didn’t say anything for a long moment than he asked “Okay, are you hungry?”

Cassian turned to him with a relieved smile. “I could eat some cheeseburgers!”

“Let’s go then!” he drove out of the parking and took a last good look at Bodhi and especially at the slim figure of Chirrut Imwe, waiting for the bus at the stop.


	2. Chapter 2

It was six thirty in the evening. He was going to pick up Cassian. That’s all. Just pick up the boy and not talk too much with that Imwe guy. The guy whose voice stucked in his ears, keeping out the sounds of boring meetings. The guy, whose smile jumped in his head in random moments, no matter he was reading through contracts or asking for a coffee at Starbucks. Chirrut. No, not Chirrut. Mr. Imwe.  _ Good evening Mr. Imwe! I’m here for Cassian. No, no, I’m in a hurry, thank you! _ \- he repeated in his head. He stared on his hand on the wheel feeling Chirrut’s warm skin when they greeted each other.

_ Enough! _ Baze scolded himself. He was an adult, a serious business man with as many lovers as he wanted. Yet, he was daydreaming about certain lips of a certain man he met for no more than five minutes. The father of his nephew's new friend. Or foster father. Or guardian. Or what. He didn’t ask about it from Cassian. He didn’t want to talk about that guy at all. He saw him only once, probably his imagination was playing with him. That had never happened before. Baze rubbed his face desperately.  _ I’m getting old _ .

He stopped the car on the front yard of the adresse he checked once again in the message sent by Cassian. He was at the right place. The house was a simple, white, one storey building in one of the long street’s of a residential area, shaded with tall trees. An average house where average families lived their average lives, far from the life what Baze lived. Even his Hummer looked odd in that environment.

_ Don’t screw it up, Baze. This guy, Chirrut, Mr. Imwe, is not interested in your money, he is not interested in your connections or business. He is just a friendly guy. There are some of them, who are just simply friendly and normal. And Cassian could make a friend, or even some friends. Play it cool. Good evening Mr. Imwe! I’m here for Cassian. No, no, I’m in a hurry, thank you.  _ Fuck.  _ You're not seventeen, Baze, you are forty-two. You are making business with congressmen. Get yourself together. He is just a blind guy. Chirrut. Mr. Imwe! _ Fuck! He climbed out from the car, stomped to the door and rang the bell.

Footsteps approached, the door swung open, light, laughter and wonderful scents poured out on it. “Come in, come in!” said Mr. Imwe still laughing about something Baze had just missed and slid back into the house before Baze could even start his practiced monologue.  _ Fuck _ .

Baze stepped in the small hall and closed the door. Cassian and Bodhi rolled out from the living room laughing. He couldn’t really get what they tried to tell him as they were speaking in the same time cutting in each other’s word. He could only catch some shreds, like  _ teaching Mr. Imwe, ball, neighbour, rooftop _ , than laughter again.

“You mean that Mr. Imwe bat the ball to the neighbour's rooftop?” Baze asked back in confusion and the boys were not laughing but whining leaning against one’s shoulder, holding their sides.

“I wish I could see Mr Brown’s reaction when I opened the door with my innocent face and said I didn’t know anything about mentioned ball.” stepped back Mr. Imwe from the kitchen with a dish towel on his shoulder. Again with that impish smile.

All that was so comfortably comic that Baze had to smile too. “So you had lots of fun today?” but Cassian could only nod his head as he was still catching for air.

“Yes, we had…” answered Mr. Imwe instead. “To tell you the truth we had such fun, the dinner will be ready just now. I really hope you can stay and we can eat together. You are more than welcome.” he finished casually, wiping his hands in the towel with an apologetic smile. Baze wandered how many different type of smile this man had when his prepared speech jumped in his mind. “No, no, I’m…” he didn’t finish as his eyes fall on Cassian who stood there with his fluffy, too-long hair, his skinny arms poking out from his T-shirt’s sleeve, waiting for the muscles to catch up the growth spurts. Bodhi was telling him something in a low voice but Cassian wasn’t laughing anymore, just keeping his pleading greyhound eyes on Baze, who felt suddenly stupid.

Baze hadn’t seen him so happy for a long time, without the usual tension in his form, next to a friend-to-be, waiting for a normal family dinner which really smelled inviting. He thought on his foolish daydreams that made him arrange that party invitation for the night, for which he had no reason to go anyway but wanted to use it as an excuse. He let out a loud puff of air. “No, no... “ he repeated. “...I can arrange to stay and would happily accept your kind invitation.” Cassian’s lips curved into a silent smile. “I just have to make a phone call.”

“Splendid!” slapped Mr. Imwe the cloth back on his shoulder. “Feel yourself at home. The boys will set the table. Bodhi please show Cassian where everything is! I’m in the kitchen.” he turned around to disappear. Baze fished out his phone from his pocket to call his date for the night to apologize while the boys were circulating back and fro with the tableware chatting already as old friends.

A few minutes later Baze stepped in the kitchen. “Can I help something Mr. Imwe?” Chirrut was standing in front of the cooker quickly steering something. The muscles of his back and biceps were moving under his white shirt and his black, skinny style trousers lined out the nice shape of his thigh and calf.

Mr. Imwe turned just slightly. “Oh, just call me Chirrut.” he gestured toward the counter. “Actually if you could cut up the parsley I could finish the sauce.”

“Ok. ”Baze stepped closer and started to cut up the already cleaned vegetable with practiced motions. “I’m Baze, by the way.” The counter had a smooth cover from the same wood as the whole kitchen. Some pot with herbs in the window. Spacious, simple, practical and nice to touch without any frippery as probably the whole house Baze thought. 

“You sound like the kitchen is not unfamiliar to you.” Chirrut smiled at him tasting the spoon than sucked in his lips as the hot sauce burned it.

“Yeah, we cook together with Cassian, when he stays with me for the night or the week-end.” he put down the knife.

“Oh, so you  _ can _ cook? How odd from a celebrity!” teased him Chirrut and added when he heard Baze lifted up the cutting board ”In the sauce, please!”

Baze stepped closer and dropped the parsley into the slowly boiling sauce. He was taller than Chirrut, broader in the shoulders, his long hair pinned up from his forehead and with an expression he usually could seduce easily. However, a blind man certainly wasn’t going to find irresistible his looks. He was briefly distracted by his, though: Baze had never seen eyes like that before, pupils almost indistinguishable, milky blue.

Baze couldn’t help himself to continue the teasing. That won’t hurt anybody, right? He leaned a bit closer to rumble his answer on his deepest voice he knew had always its effect. “I can do things you won’t believe...” Blush worked its way up on Chirrut’s cheek and that was the first time when Baze felt the evening could be even more fun then he thought.

“Don’t underestimate my imagination!” Chirrut tried to hide behind a smile.

“Now, you made me curious!” came the answer and Baze watched with delight the blush creeping down on Chirrut’s neck to disappear under the opening of his shirt.

“Dinner…khm...dinner is ready!” Chirrut stepped away calling for the boys after a moment and Bodhi appeared almost immediately and helped his uncle to serve the food. They sat to the table and the conversation started to float between them easily as they passed around the meatballs, rice, and sauce across and around the table.

Chirrut and Bodhi shared stories about school life and teachers, explaining which is the strongest team in the high school league and in turn Cassian spoke about why he chose baseball. Than Chirrut and Baze brought up stories from their school years to laugh at.

The food was spicy in a good way, together with the mint flavored lemonade it made Baze lazy and he leaned back putting one arm on Cassian’s chair next to him. From this position he could better follow Chirrut’s floating hands, the tilting of his head when he was listening and his sparkling smile.

Baze always thought he was good in flirting, so he watched with a little astonishment how Chirrut’s witty ripostes warmed up the middle of his chest and how the breath stopped in his throat every time Chirrut was laughing at something. He really wanted to see more of Chirrut's blush, but of course not in front of the kids.

He lost track of the hour by the time Chirrut mimicked him without knowing, leaning back and putting his arm on Bodhi’s chair asking him to clean the table and do the dishes. Bodhi pressed against his side protesting a little bit, but as Cassian proposed to help they were quickly out of sight with a handful of plates.

“It was a fantastic dinner. Thank you.” Baze braced on his elbow leaning closer.

“Not bad from a history professor, huh?” Chirrut asked from the ceiling placing his muscled forearm on the table. “You and Cassian are welcome anytime!” he added with a soft smile.

“Next time let me bring the dessert even if it would be just a faint compensation for the wonderful food.” Baze offered hoping quietly that he would have more opportunities to pay him back. “So you are a history professor?” 

“At the university, yes. Is that surprises you?”

“Not really.” For making a good deal it was important to quickly learn about people, and Baze was proud of his instincts that had never failed him so far. “From your clothes and your behavior, I was sure you do something where you have to use your brain and meet many people. I would have guessed a lawyer.” and he added leaning more closer. “But than, you are to cheerful for a lawyer.”

“A lawyer, oh no!” Baze couldn’t decide if Chirrut was distracted by the idea or by what he said. “I love history, especially religious history.” he rose his chin with a shy smile on his face. “And I think all the students keep me young.” Baze could only agree with that. “So you are judging by appearance?”

“Appearance tells a lot, don’t you think?” It was stupid, he realised, but Chirrut didn’t lost pace.

“I heard so.” in the small pause Baze was fighting with the urge to ask about his blindness. It would be rude after all he decided. “What do  _ you _ make for living where appearance is that important?”

Baze let out a small laugh. “You know what I do. You’ve just said that I’m a celebrity.” he pointed out leaning back against his chair.

“Yeah, I mean I heard your name a lots of times but I don’t read as much the news portals or facebook.” he dropped his cheek in his palm. “And I think it’s better to hear it from you rather to learn it from the gossips.”

Faire enough, Baze thought. “I’m in the real estate and construction business. My company is constantly searching for estates in areas that needs improvement, and if we can build there a well functioning building, I will buy and make the project.” Chirrut hummed prompting, looking somewhere on Baze’s left ear with a focus on his face. Baze found it distracting a bit, always searching for an eye contact, but he continued. “One of my projects was the new swimming pool just a few blocks away from here.”

“Oh, the swimming pool! It was built on the place of the old market. ” a deep line appeared between Chirrut’s brows. “It was one of the heritages of the city, an integral part of our everyday life. I loved to go there, I knew almost every vendor.” his disapproval was clear on his face.

Baze took a deep breath, ready to smooth the wrinkle from Chirrut's forehead. “I don’t doubt that the old market was a friendly place but it had a bad influence on the neighborhood. It wasn’t clean but it was smelly. It attracted all the punks and all kinds of shady scums which wasn’t good for the small merchants in the surrounding area. After the swimming pool opened its gates, the neighborhood cleansed, the business boomed, new  job possibilities were created, a shopping street was born and the price of the real estate went up. The former vendors could move to the new market where the conditions are more controlled. It is good for the locals and for the whole city. I’m sure Bodhi spent there some of the hot summer days.”

Chirrut’s face turned into thoughtful and finally he dropped his arm back to the table. “Honestly, I haven’t thought about that before, but actually it's true that the neighborhood has developed since then.” he tilted his head with a smile. “I owe you with an apologie.”

Baze’s heart was thudding from the smile. “It’s okay. I like your passion.” now Chirrut blushed again and for a nearly unnoticeable moment  he pulled himself smaller, shyly, before he straightened up again almost defiant. “At least you have real arguments, and you are not against what I do  because of simple jealousy or malevolence.”

“You hear that a lot? Arguments like that?”

“Yeah, people usually see only my money.” his voice was said.

“I don’t doubt that your intention is good and you are seeking the sake of the city and the people.” Chirrut’s fingers slightly tapped his arm resting on the table to emphasize his statement.

“But?” asked Baze.

“There is no but.” Chirrut pulled back his hand and Baze let out a little unsatisfied sound.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, there is always a but.” he sighed that made Chirrut smile again.

“Here you are, than. But... money can’t solve every problem.”  Baze just stared at him, how his fingers, that touched him a few moments ago, were running on the edge of the lemonade glass, and how he got the point without knowing anything about Baze. Chirrut turned his ears slightly to the kitchen and the two boys appeared in the door just a moment later.

Bodhi leaned with his hip against Chirrut’s side putting one hand on his shoulder and Chirrut arm settled on his waist tenderly. “Uncle…” Bodhi started while Cassian sat back next to Baze. “Can Cassian sleep here Friday night, before the match on Saturday?”

“Of course, of course. We’ll pump up the spare mattress for him.”

“Baze, can I sleep here?” Cassian asked in a lower voice.

“Yes, kiddo. I will speak to Larisha and your father.” he didn’t even want to say his name. “By the way, I’ll come to the match too, I’ll pick up all of you Saturday morning. I guess you're coming, Chirrut.”

“That’s wonderful!” smiled Chirrut around. “It’s a deal than!” He and Bodhi was still in a half embrace and Baze couldn’t stop to reach out and tap lightly Cassian’s shoulder.

 

******************************

 

The engine died angrily when later that evening he stopped the car in front of the house Cassian parents rented. The voices of a loud quarrel filtered out to the otherwise quiet and badly lit street. Cassian opened the door slightly and paused. Baze felt his heart sink in his stomach. “They live so nicely, Baze. Bodhi and his foster father. He is so kind, Mr. Imwe.” said Cassian to the window.

Baze fighted back a sigh. “Yeah, he seems to be a nice guy. And Bodhi, too.” he paused for a moment than he added. “Perhaps you could sleep at my house tonight. I’ll sort it out somehow with Larisha tomorrow.”

“No!” bursted out Cassian. “It’s okay. I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me. You know that they don’t like it, especially when we don’t ask them before. I sneak in, quickly go up to my room and close the door. It’s gonna’ be okay.”

“Allright. You can call me anytime, you know.”

“Yes, I know.”  he said and slipped out of the car pulling his bag up on his shoulders. Baze waited till he got inside the house than waited more trying to catch some words, but the voices were muffled by the walls. 


	3. Chapter 3

The usual clamor reigned the corridor. Students were walking up and down on the main stairs, three boys from the football team were throwing a ball to each other between the kids heading toward their classes, small groups and couples chatted leaning against the wall or standing in the middle of the crowd. Cassian let it all fill his head. He didn’t want to think on the previous evening, he didn’t want to think on the coming afternoon. He didn’t want to think at all. He wanted to empty his head, his heart, to not to feel anything.

From the corner of his eyes he saw Bodhi stepping away from his friends and coming in his direction so he busied himself arranging his things in the cabinet. “Hi, Cas.” Bodhi leaned against the metal door next to him.

“Hello.” he grumbled back. He wanted only one thing: to be left alone. He leaned deeper in the cabinet. Bodhi didn’t move.

“What are you doing this afternoon?” he asked and everything Cassian didn’t want to think on, didn’t want to feel just popped up to the surface and exploded out of him.

“It’s none of your business.” he shouted and slammed in the door staring at the other boy. Bodhi stepped back hitching the air. “Ok, sorry.” he whispered and slowly walked away staring the ground. There was nothing left for Cassian to pour his anger on, so he slammed in the door again and again. And again. It reopened every time. He let out a desperate sigh, slammed in once more the door, closed it this time and run after Bodhi.

“Hey, I didn’t mean it…” ha said when he reached him taking up his pace.

“It’s okay.” said Bodhi almost voiceless. “I’m just too nosy.” That wasn’t true and Cassian knew it. It was just a harmless question, probably Bodhi wanted to do something together. He didn’t deserve shouting at him.

“It’s just…” Cassian started. “...I just have to meet some guys I know...I have something to arrange with them.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” stopped Bodhi. “You know, you don’t have to hang around with me if you don’t want to. It was nice you came over the other day, but you don’t have to do it.” he started to walk. Cassian jumped after him and took up his pace again. Bodhi glanced at him. “It was my uncle’s idea anyway. He’s like that. And I have enough friends.”

He went on but Cassian sticked on his side. Now, as his anger shrinked into the usual small ball back in his stomach Cassian was racking his brain how to get out of this situation. “Hey, I heard that Jyn and Leia went to the canteen. Perhaps we should go and find them.”

Bodhi halted again, turning to him with a mix of surprise, joy and anxiety on his face. “Jyn and Leia? In the canteen?”

“Yes, come on.” It was obvious that Bodhi wanted to follow them, especially Leia, but Cassian didn’t understand why was he hesitating.

“And what will we say to them?”

His desperate face made Cassian laugh. “Oh, don’t worry about that” he tapped his arm. “Let me do all the talking. I picked up a few things from Baze.” Bodhi’s eyes finally started to shine and his lips curved into a smile. They led their feet toward the canteen.  
  


 

*****************************************

 

Chirrut was standing in his pajama next to Bodhi, waiting for the milk to boil. They were both preparing to go to bed when they decided to have a last hot chocolate. Something was on Bodhi’s mind. Chirrut wasn’t good sleeper, he would have been working on his laptop anyway. So why not a hot chocolate and some chat? Bodhi let out some hints about spending the afternoon with  _ Cas and the girls _ .  Chirrut didn’t know exactly what did that mean but he had some ideas. However, the line of the conversation didn’t turn toward  _ Cas and the girls _ but something else.  

Bodhi was scrolling his phone and read aloud everything he found about Baze Malbus. “His company’s name is Rogue Inc. He built the new city hall, the Jedhan Tower, you know that skyscraper which is half offices, half flats. He has several other office buildings in the city…” his fingers were tapping the phone, he scrolled more “...and a few residential park. He lives in one of them, the Blue Bay residences next to the beach. Oh, that must be cool, no?”

Chirrut just hummed. “Isn’t the milk boiling yet?”

“Not even close.” Chirrut sighed. “He has a charity found for the reintegration of homeless people. That’s nice. Isn’t it uncle?”

“Yes, that’s nice and probably a beautiful tax saving, too.” he took out two mugs from the cupboard.

“I wonder why he chose homeless people. If he wanted no more than to save taxes, he would have make a donation, he wouldn’t have to supervise a found.”

Chirrut hummed again, Bodhi had right. “You should ask him next time you see him. Now, is the milk boiling?”

He felt Bodhi’s body warm coming closer when he looked into the pot. “Nope. Listen to this one!” Chirrut rubbed his face. Why was Bodhi so interested in Baze Malbus? Ok, Chirrut got it. Who wouldn’t be interested in Baze Malbus? He was famous, kind, funny, polite, could cook, had a heartwarming, deep voice...obviously he cared a lot for the city or at least for his nephew and probably he was handsome. Not, if Chirrut was daydreaming of him, and how his face would take shape under his fingers, if he had a beard. Chirrut wished he had beard. But anyway, that’s just his fantasy. Who wouldn’t be interested if a celebrity came to your home, right? But daydreaming and facing the facts was two thing. And the fact was that they were living in two different world. He didn’t want Bodhi to have big expectations of this...of this...what was that anyway?

“Oh, oh, listen to this!” Bodhi’s voice pulled him back to his kitchen where the floor was cold under his bare feet. “Baze Malbus is one of the hottest bachelors in Jedha.”

“The milk still doesn’t boil?” he asked desperately.

“Not yet.” Bodhi confirmed some other minutes of torture. “So here it goes: ‘ _ He's dated the likes of Thoma Switt’ _ , you know the actor,” Chirrut hummed again. “‘ _ Kris Durnst _ ’, oh, oh he is a writer,” Chirut said “aha”, “‘ _ Nathan Port’ _ , I don’t know him.” Bodhi looked up.

“He must be a ballet dancer, if I remember correctly.”

“Oh, yes, he is, and than ‘ _ Corall _ ’, oh, oh, that’s the singer you love so much, you have every album from him.” Chirrut nodded. Yep, two very, very different world. “So the article sais ‘ _ and Corall, to name a few, but somehow Baze Malbus is still on the market. We find it tough to resist that super sexy smile and warm brown eyes, but when it comes to finding his own leading prince, Malbus just smiles.’  _ Awesome! How could he date with so many cool people?” he asked putting the phone on the counter.

Chirrut took a deep breath. So this was what bothered Bodhi? Dating? “You know he moves in the same circles as they do, the same events, the same places, so they just meet there. And than, he is easy going, charming and probably enjoys it.” he really didn’t know how to put it. For some dating is easy, for some dating is not easy.

“Now, it’s boiling.” announced Bodhi jumping down from the counter where he was sitting. They prepared the hot chocolate than settled down to the couch of the living room. Chirrut pulled a blanket around them. Bodhi crawled out. “I just bring some marshmallows to put in the mug.” he said and Chirrut smiled up to him. He could ask his personal kickboxing trainer the next day to make the training extra hard. For Chirrut, training was for a better body perception. He felt better the edges of his own body and where things were compared to it, when the muscles were firm under his skin. It was just an additional benefit that it looked good, and he could land a good punch if it was needed.

Bodhi returned with the whole pack of marshmallows and huddled next to Chirrut. “Uncle,” Bodhi started hesitantly than he rushed it out. “...how did mom and papa met?”

Chirrut couldn’t help the warm feeling lifting up from his stomach, filling his chest, closing down his throat and almost getting tears in his eyes. He took a sip from the drink and put the mug down on the table. So here they were. That was on Bodhi’s mind, his parents. “Haven't I told you this story already?” he teased a bit and Bodhi chuckled next to him, leaning against his side, prompting. “Allright. So, Yashu, my little sis, went to the cinema with her friend, aunt Zuzu, you know her, to watch a new movie. While she was waiting to Zuzu, a guy accidentally bumped into her apologising. Then when they were standing in the line for the tickets, the same guy pushed her, again accidentally, with many excuses. The very same clumsy guy stepped on her feet, again asking for forgiveness, when they were finding their seats. And believe it or not, at the and of the movie, the very same fumbler poured the rest of his popcorn right in her neck. This time he asked her out for a pancake to show his regrets. The numskull was your father, Dhruv. Yashu accepted, they went out for a date and the rest is history.”

Bodhi sat silently next to him and Chirrut almost heard the way he was processing through the story heard a thousand times. “What did he say? Papa to mom? On the date?”

Chirrut raised his brow. “I don’t know.” he admitted. “Probably he said she was beautiful, her eyes are beautiful. I remember he liked very much her hair. But I never asked.” he turned his head to the small table in the corner where there were some pictures of the family and of Bodhi from the time when he was a baby, mostly for Bodhi’s sake and to allow Chirrut to boast of him. He never asked this question and the opportunity was lost forever. “I’m sorry, Bodhi.” he reached out to run his fingers on Bodhi’s cheek, to feel the curve of his lips. They weren’t turning down, so this was not what Bodhi was looking for. What was it than, Chirrut wondered.

“How did you meet your first boyfriend, uncle Chirrut?”

The question made Chirrut laugh. “Oh, that! It was in the previous century!” he shook his head still smiling. Bodhi didn’t let the idea go. He wriggled closer and put his chin on Chirrut’s shoulder. “You never told me. Tell me!”

Chirrut bended his brows. Was this about that? How he met with his first boyfriend? He was sure that Bodhi liked girls. Could he be wrong whole the time? First the story, than the questions, he decided. He took another sip from the still hot drink and popped a marshmallow in his mouth. Bodhi did the same.

“The story goes like this.” Chirrut said muffled through the soft candy. He heard Bodhi nestling himself in a more comfortable position. “It was in the high school. I was working for the school journal, you know me, I put my fingers in everything.” Bodhi nodded against his shoulder. “It was homecoming, but everybody was sick. I was the only one available so the editor asked me to make an interview with the quarterback. I swallowed hard, but duty is duty so I met with him and one of the backs. It was obvious from the first moment that I didn’t have the slightest clue about football. I remember I was in a struggle to find questions, like how is the teamspirit and so, and they were in a struggle to answer. At the end the quarterback left like a flash, but the back, Frank Newman, he stayed. He said it was a good chat, but I didn’t tell anything about myself. That’s how interviews are, I joked. He said let’s continue it above a milkshake.” he stopped for a moment. “That was The Thing, when I was young.” he explained. “Milkshake equals date. So we went for a date in a milk bar.” He let out a little nostalgic sigh.

“What did he say?”

“Who?”

“Frank Newman. What did he say to you? You know, on the date.”

“It was long time ago, sweetheart. I remember only that he had a deep voice and he made me laugh. But with what? I don’t know.” he reached out again and Bodhi let his face in his palm. “Is it about that? What to say to a certain...girl?” Dead silence. “To a certain Jyn... or Leia?” Chirrut guessed. Bodhi let out a sound that could mean anything.“I don’t know which one you like the most… The fierce pitcher, Jyn, or the calm cheerleader, Leia?”

Bodhi leaned more against his palm and spoke into it. “It’s Leia.” he rose his head. “She is so beautiful and kind and funny and all.”

“And all? Oh!”

“She’s leading so well the cheergirls.”

“On top of that? Does she?” Chirrut fought his smile.

“Cas knows always what to tell them. To Jyn.” he felt the couch move as he shifted his weight. “What should I tell her?”

“Just be yourself.” Bodhi let out a theatrical grown. “No, I mean it. Opportunity will come and you just have to be yourself and say aloud what you think. That’s all.”

Bodhi was silent for several minutes. “You think she would like me back?”

Chirrut snorted. “Of course. You are smart, kind, good looking and everything a girl wants which I don’t have time right now to list. You have to try and maybe fuck it up and try again. That’s all” Bodhi sighed. His hair smelled of ginger. Not a man, yet, but soon. Too soon. Chirrut patted his knee. “It’s time to go to bed?”

“Yeah, I think.”  he took the mug out from Chirrut’s hand and stood up making the couch quiver. Chirrut unfolded himself from the blanket. “You know, uncle…” Bodhi called back somewhere from the door. “...if you want to go out for a date…”

Chirrut sat straight up. “Yes?”

“...you could go. To a date, I mean. You can leave me alone. I won’t burn down the house.”

“I’ve never assumed you would.” Chirrut said as still as a stone.

“I mean…” Chirrut heard his pajama rustle as he shrugged. “...it’s been a longtime you were on a date...just go if you want to.”

“Okay.” said Chirrut. “I will let you know. Now, go to bed.” Bodhi’s steps lead to the kitchen than to the back of the house to his room. Chirrut leaned back against the couch, pulling back the blanket. He rose his face toward the ceiling trying to figure out what the discussion  was truly about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are curious:
> 
> Yashu means grateful kindness  
> Zuzu means charming  
> Dhruv refers to the pole star


	4. Chapter 4

Saturday greeted them with a sunny weather. Baze honked twice the horn when he stopped the Hummy on the front yard. By the time he got out Bodhi was in the door followed by Cassian, both in the shirt of their team. They put all their bags in the trunk cheerfully greeting him. Maybee too cheerfully for Baze regarding the clock.

“You’ve got everything, kiddos? I thought there will be time for a second coffee.”  Baze grumbled to Cassian rubbing his eyes. It was too early for a Saturday morning, especially that Friday night’s banket finished somewhere after midnight.

“Yes and no.” stepped Cassian away from the car to leave place to Bodhi and added when he saw the confusion on Baze’s face. “Yes, we’ve got everything and no, we don’t have time. You came late.” there was a slight edge in his voice that Baze chose to leave unnoticed. It was too good a day to ruin it.

“Oh, you arrived just in time.” assured him quickly Bodhi. The small tension that surrounded Cassian the whole morning made Bodhi uneasy. He tried to dissolve it. “If we knew, we'd made you an extra mug. There will be coffee at the match.” Cassian just shrugged and Baze patted his shoulder. Bodhi wished if he could just as easily create a pleasant atmosphere as his uncle.

“Good morning!” stepped out said uncle from the house with a basket and two blankets. Bodhi jumped to help him but Baze was quicker.

“Let me…” he took the blankets and the basket from Chirrut’s hands to feel it’s heavy weight. “What on _ earth _ is this? We are going to a baseball match!”

“Yes, we are.” Chirrut smiled to the doorframe while closing the door. “...and after it to a little picnic in the park with the whole team and the families until the weather's fine. Cassian didn’t told you? Don’t worry there will be enough sandwiches to everyone.” He followed Baze’s steps to the car.  

Baze looked on Cassian who just shrugged. “I didn’t know.” than added with a hopeful face. “You think we could stay?”

“Yep, we have this day. I promised you by seven to Larisha.” he packed everything in the trunk and closed the door. “Boys in the back, Chirrut in the first seat.” he ordered.

Bodhi hesitated in the door. “It’s a big car. Want me to help you in?” he started but Baze was already on Chirrut’s side, he slid his hand under Chirrut’s elbow explaining him the big steps he had to make and where can he catch a hold. Bodhi watched them with a smile. Baze was  _ very _ accomodating. He glanced to Cassian to poke him in the side, but he pulled back his elbow. Cassian wasn’t smiling. On the contrary he looked almost angry. When he noticed that Bodhi is watching him, he climbed in the car and Bodhi followed in confusion.

Chirrut fumbled a bit with the seat-belt but his clever fingers managed to close it. “Ready everyone?” Baze asked when the engine started. “Are you gonna’ lead us, Chirrut?”

Chirrut grinned pointing in the air. “Forward!” he shouted, Baze put the car in reverse and gave gas, laughing.

It was a short trip to the pist. The parking was almost full as a signal that they were a bit late. Baze find an empty spot to quickly get out the bags of the boys. Baze and Chirrut went to the seats, Bodhi followed Cassian to the dressing room.

They rounded the small building of the main gate to the back entrance through another, smaller parking area with just a few cars. They almost reached the gates when two elder boys got out from a car, which was probably a metal red Ford in its heyday, but now it only looked like a patchy, worn-out wreck. “Cassian!” said one of them bracing his arms on the top of the doorframe. Cassian recoiled. “It’s not easy to find you!”

The other boy rounded the car and came closer. “Who's your friend?” he leaned against the hood which had a mismatch colour.

“Do you know them?” asked Bodhi from Cassian.

“Yes.” he squeezed out between his teeth than he nodded toward the pist. “Go in, I'll be right there.” Bodhi didn’t move for a long moment measuring the two strangers in boots, jeans and black T-shirts with the logo of some metal band and compared the sight to the growing tension rolling down from Cassian. He slowly padded in the building but couldn’t fight back his curiosity. He turned back from the door, but they were too far to hear. It seemed Cassian know them well but his dark eyes glinted icely cold as he spoke.

  
  


*****************************************

 

Chirrut felt the warmth of the sun break away for a moment and heard the bench creak as Bodhi sat down. The happy noises of the picnic after the match the team won surrounded them. The sandwiches disappeared with a record speed in the young teenager boys stomachs earlier and Baze had just left to make benefit of his social skills to get some cherry pie that smelled so good on one of the family’s nearby table.

“I thought you are with _ Cas and the girls _ .” traced Chirrut his palm on Bodhi’s shoulders to pull him in a half-hug.

“I am.” Bodhi leaned against him. 

“Oh, I also thought you are having fun.”

“I  _ am _ ,” Bodhi straightened and Chirrut dropped his hands back to the table. “I’m just...I just feel awkward sometimes.”

“Like when? With the girls?”

“I don’t know,” Bodhi said desperately. “With the girls, yes. But I’m used to that. It’ll pass, I guess.” he shrugged. “I just feel awkward sometimes with Cas. Like I don’t know what to do, if I said something wrong or it’s just him.”

Chirrut considered for a moment. “Maybe he feels awkward as well.” the bench creaked again as Bodhi shifted his weight back and force. “Maybe he has also his moments of sadness, anger, anxiety, confusion. But instead of holding back, as you do, he explodes. The question is, you still want to befriend him or not?”

“I want to.” Bodhi answer was firm after a long silence. “I’m not sure if  _ he _ wants it.”

Chirrut reached for his shoulder as Baze footsteps approached on the grass. “You worth far more than you think, my heart, and he is not fool to not see it. Now go and charme them all.”

“I couldn’t get the cherry pie, but I met with Organa councilman's wife, Breha, and she offered some blueberry muffins.” he settled the food on the table and let his weight on the bench facing Chirrut after Bodhi left. “I didn’t even know that the twins are in this school.”

Chirrut slid his finger forward till they met with the muffins. “On top of that Leia is a cheerleader.”

“What’s up with Bodhi?” Baze asked with a half muffin is his mouth.

“He is suffering from being a teenager? I guess.” Chirrut said softly.

Baze chuckled. “Now, that’s familiar.” he watched Chirrut taking a bite from his muffin. “Tell me about you and Bodhi. Where are his parents?”

Chirrut smiled, but there was an edge of sadness to it as he put down the cookie on a napkin. “Bodhi is the son of my sister. They died in a car accident when Bodhi was six, almost ten years ago now.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that.”  Baze prompted. “You were the only family member? You adopted him?”

“Dhruv’s family...Bodhi’s father’s parents were fighting for the rights, but it turned out that Yashu and Dhruv assigned me as a guardian on every official paper so Bodhi was placed under my guard automatically.”

“I didn’t know that you can do such thing.” Chirrut just hummed agreement as a reply. Baze glanced up. Bodhi and Cassian were sitting under a large tree with some girls, mostly from the cheerleader team. He took a better look and recognised Leia among them. Baze wished if there were some legal possibility to change his status regarding his nephew. “I bet it wasn’t easy for you… I mean…” he still didn’t know if Chirrut was always blind or not. “...with a small boy of age six.”

“It wasn’t.” a smile returned, warm with affection, to contradict his words. “I spent a lot of time with Bodhi before the accident happened. I visited them every week or so and often acted as a babysitter. But to live together, taking care of him, learning his needs, start the school, reply to my university duties and with the grief - it was something different.” Chirrut huffed stroken by the memories. Baze didn’t prompted this time. “It was hard, so hard, Baze. Some evenings, after a long day, after bath time, I was just sitting on the sofa, thinking on I have to tell a bedtime story then come back and work on whatever I needed at the university. I got myself together, went in Bodhi’s bedroom - actually he had _ the  _ bedroom, I was sleeping in the living room. I didn’t have this house at that time, just a one bedroom apartment.” he traced his hair. “So I went to his bedroom, told the story and wished good night. Every night he hooked his thin arms around my neck and pushed his wet lips and wet little nose to my face to say ‘good night uncle Chirrut!’ At that moment I knew it worth it. It would worth it if it was a hundred times, a thousand times harder.” he looked in Baze direction with a shy smile.

“You did a good job.” said Baze in a low voice. “He is a good kiddo. Cassian doesn’t trust easily in anyone and yet, here we are.”

“What about Cassian?” asked back Chirrut. 

“Cassian is a bright boy. He is smart and strong. Kind hearted.” Baze glanced up again, to where Cassian was telling something to the others and they laughed. “He takes everything on himself, thinking that everything is his fault or if not, he is certain that he can do something to make it good. Like he was responsible for everything.” 

“I have to tell you, when Bodhi told me what happened at the training…I just thought that he is lonely and can’t find his place. That’s why I offered to come to us.” Chirrut hesitated for a moment tilting his head and biting his lip. “Is their parents...is everything alright at home?”

Baze looked at him for a long moment but couldn’t find anything just honest concern. “Larisha, my sister, Cassian’s mother, was spoiled when she was little. She thinks she can get anything she wants, for free. Never worked a day in her life.” he sighed. “She met with Gus, his husband,” he spitted out the word ”who is no better than her and Cassian was born. They never cared.”

“They mistreat him, hurt him?” Chirrut said, keeping his voice low.

“No, nothing like that. Not physically.” Baze said, eyes on Cassian slim back. His emotions nearly stole his voice. “They are just simply not good for being a parent.”

“That makes you...angry.” Chirrut noticed.

Startled, Baze glanced at him. Chirrut raised his eyebrows, waiting.

“Of course it does.” Baze chafed. “It does. I want them to care about him, to support him and stop making him feel bad. But I guess that’ll never happen, so all I can do is be with him as much as they let me and give him everything he accepts from me.”

Chirrut nodded. “Actually I still don’t know what really happened. Why they were fighting.” he changed the line of the conversation.

“I think it was about a girl.” Baze leaned closer above the table. “The pitcher in the team is a girl.”

Chirrut rose his brows. “So Cassian likes her?”

For the first time, Baze sounded surprised. “ _ Cassian? _ I thought she’s Bodhi’s crush and Cassian stomped in it.”

“Maybe.” Chirrut’s mouth curved into a conspirator's smile and he shifted his weight closer as well. Their head almost touched above the table. “As I understood Bodhi had feelings for two girls, Jyn and Leia, but his feelings weren’t clear for him. He was confused until Cassian came in the picture. His clear statement and actions helped Bodhi to realise he is much more in Leia. Cassian is already courting Jyn.”

Baze shook his head amused, forgetting Chirrut couldn’t see him.

“Baze?” Chirrut asked when he didn’t get any reply from Baze. “Did I said something...I shouldn't have told you this about Cassian?”

“Sorry, no it’s okay.” Baze said. “I’m just surprised that you know already as much about that kiddo. So you think Cassian…?” he asked waiting Chirrut to continue.

“I think it’s pretty obvious - as I hear from Bodhi: he is not shy about it. He seems to be pretty much like you in the question of love.” Chirrut blushed suddenly.

“Like me? What that supposed to mean?”

The question made Chirrut flinch and he put his hand on his lips. “Oh, I… it’s just…” Baze couldn’t hold back a smile watching his embarrassment. “...Bodhi read those stupid articles about you on the other day. You seem to have lots of...dates.”

“Oh, is that so?” Baze tried to hide his laughter. “Is that bothers you?” he was quite amused.

“No, no!” Chirrut objected and blushed again. Baze found more and more adorable Chirrut as he tried to escape from the situation but instead tangled into it. “I mean everybody has the right...and all those parties …”

Baze got pity on him. “What if I just didn’t find the right one?” he offered. That made Chirrut silent. “Yet?” he added and he looked with pleasure as Chirrut’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. “As for the parties...The other day you said it’s better to hear it from me and not read it from the news… so here you are.” his voice became low but strong, serious. “I get up every morning at six, I work out to be in form to keep up with all my duties, I’m at my office by eight and work at least twelve hours a day. I work even at the parties, events, galas and premiers seeking for new possibilities or strengthening my connections.” his fist was heavy on the table. “The little time I save I spend it with my nephew. My nephew, Cassian, who, no matter how much money I have, I can’t  defend if he is not with me.” Chirrut listened attentively turning one ear to Baze. “What do you think now about the parties?”

Chirrut shook slightly his head and smiled. “Baze Malbus, it was a weak effort to make me have pity on you and let you have the last muffin!” Baze’s tension flew away as he bursted out in laughter. “I’m sure you work hard because you enjoy the process of realising what you have in mind and don’t ask me to feel sorry about all the good food, drink and nice people you meet at night.” Chirrut show all his teeth and gum to Baze and let his confession about Cassian pass without any comment.

Baze lifted up his hands. “All right, all right! At least I tried. Still, I deserve the last muffin!”

“Oh-ho!” smacked his hand away Chirrut. “Let me take my chance as well!”

“You? You are the less miserable person I know. What does make you think you deserve the last cookie?”

“I would give a try.” tapped Chirrut lightly the table. “I was born blind and always had to fight for my autonomie as people think I’m incapable to do things. I had to work twice as hard to be able to finish my studies and have to work twice as much ever since to answer to my duties.  _ And _ I have to take care my dead sister’s orphaned child, although I just slightly know the difference between Spiderman and Batman.”

There was a long silence than Baze’s voice came from very close. “Nice try, but no.” Chirrut felt the gentle smile in his words and the sound of it made him shiver. “You  _ love _ history and teaching and you love even more that sweet and kind boy, I’m sure.”

“Ok…” Chirrut let out a theatralic sound. “...we break it in two then?”  

After Baze placed one half in his open palm Chirrut shifted his weight back on the bench. “Getting back to the boys, you know, it’s just  teenage love,” he said, smiling again. “It’s not likely to be the kind that lasts.”

“Still. Maybe I should meet the family of this girl, Jyn. And maybe I should reconsider my love life.”

That made both of them laugh. “Look at us, gossiping about crushes like a pair of teenagers.”

“I think we talked about a lot more.” Baze said. No answer came as something distracted Chirrut’s attention.

Bodhi and Cassian came back to ask for a drink. Chirrut served all of them from the bottle of water from the bottomless basket and they packed their things together to have a last chat as they said goodbye to the other families. Baze drove Chirrut and Bodhi to their house before bringing Cassian back to his parents.

“We could repeat this sometime? What do you think boys?” Bodhi nodded eagerly and Cassian muttered something like an agreement. “Chirrut?”

Chirrut grinned at him. “Of course! Next match, next Saturday!”

“See you next Saturday, than!” Baze said. He felt a sudden happiness itching the back of his throat and watched as Chirrut and Bodhi bickered their way to the front door. He looked in the mirror to check on Cassian and his eyes met with Cassian’s sternly observing eyes. He pulled away from the house and turned the car to step on the gas. It was already seven o’clock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning of the names in Baze's family:
> 
> Larisha means: beacon of hope  
> Gus comes from Angus: which means one force and insecure man in the same time


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought you would appreciate if I shared shorter chaps, but more frequently… So I also raised the number of total chaps.
> 
> I feel myself very productive, so here we go! Enjoy!
> 
> WARNING: minor verbal abuse

Only a cat yowled sharply, otherwise the old street was silent as a graveyard when they got out from the car. The pavement leading to the door was cracked, the front yard was neglected just as much as the house itself. The walls were dirty, one of the window frame was broken and the roof needed some repair. Baze didn’t see any of that. His eyes were on Cassian’s hunching shoulders as he followed him. Cassian put his key into the lock, took a deep breath and pushed in the door.

As Baze stepped in his hills the sounds of a football match from the TV hit his ears followed by Gus’ voice as he was cursing at one of the teams. He couldn’t even close the door behind when Larisha jumped forward coming at him on a high pitched voice. “Where have you been with my son? It’s almost eight a clock!” she blew the smoke of her cigarette from her lungs straight into his brother’s face. 

“I’m sorry Larisha, I didn’t check the time.” Baze kept the eye contact but that just made Larisha even more furious.

“It was my fault.” interrupted Cassian. “I wanted to stay.”

“Oh, I know very well whose fault this is!” she hissed in Baze’s face. “I didn’t know where you were. I was  _ so _ worried for my poor son.” she pouted in Cassian’s direction. “I was about to call the police!” she rose her arm and shook her phone in Baze’s direction.

“No, you don’t need to call the police.” Baze begged. “You could have just call me. He was with me. I never let him get in trouble, I promise.”

“Go to your room, Cassian!” materialized Gus on Cassian’s side to snap at him. “Start to study!”

Cassian stepped back. “I...I... already did my homework yesterday.” he faltered.

“Is that so?” asked Gus. “You think that will be enough to get in one of those fancy schools your uncle wants you to send? You think you are smart enough?” Cassian became red and bow his head. “Or you expect him to pay the tuition fee?” Cassian didn’t reply but was fighting with himself to keep quiet. “Go to your room!” Gus said unconcernedly and pointed up. Cassian took a last glance on Baze who just nodded slightly than run up the stairs.

“I see through you Baze Malbus!” poked Larisha his chest with her finger. “You want to steal my darling boy from me! That's what you do!” she shook her head. “My own brother!”

“That’s not true, Larisha…” Baze protested but Larisha didn’t let him speak.

“Next time I will call the police, I swear! Came later only one minute, I will call the cops!” she lighted another cigarette. “What would a little scandal make of your reputation, heh?” she threatened pushing her painted red hair out from her face. Baze lips turned into a thin line.

“Don’t be so strict, my darling.” started Gus to calm her down putting one hand on her arm and pulling her away from Baze. “They are just a few minutes late, isn’t it Baze?” he asked.

“Yes.” Baze huffed out with a huge amount of air. “We are just a few minutes late. I made sure he did his homework and he had a great time. He found some friends in this new school, I’m sure it’s going to work out fine this time.” he rushed out and couldn’t believe he was explaining himself like a child.

“That’s good, that is very good. He has to study!” nodded Gus accordingly. Next to him Larisha was puffing her smoke glaring at him with narrow eyes. “You know, Baze,” Gus continued clasping his shoulder stepping a bit closer, almost intimately. Baze had to pull himself smaller for Gus could reach up to him properly. “...raising a child is very expensive. All the clothes and schoolstuffs and...and…” he was searching for words and Baze wasn’t surprised he didn’t find them as he couldn’t remember the last time Gus bought anything for Cassian. “...and other stuff.” Gus didn’t bother himself. “I asked a raise but that idiot Hasel, your man, he said he can’t give me any. I work so hard, Baze.”

Baze didn’t say a word. Tom Hasel was one of his construction manager and of course Baze asked him to employ Gus. Tom did it, but didn’t miss out on any of their meetings to ask if he should still keep him and noted the positive answer with a shrug. It was Baze’s money after all.

Gus wasn’t satisfied not having an answer. “You know, if I can’t earn enough money for my family, we cannot afford a better school for Cassian. He would have to stay here, at home, to study harder, he won’t have time to visit you…”

Baze clenched his fists and jaw. He understood the message. “I will speak to Tom. I am sure you deserve a raise.” Gus didn’t deserve a raise. He didn’t deserve anything as he was barely working but he earned almost as much as Tom and they both knew it. But Baze was going to talk with Tom and he would pay. This is a price for Cassian.

“Thank you, Baze!” patted Gus his shoulder amiably. Baze felt sick.

“Till you got the raise, let me…” he reached for his pocket to fish out his roll of money.

“We don’t need charity!” screamed Larisha in his ears. “Gus wants only what he deserves!” Baze swallowed hard. “Now, get out of my house!” said Larisha finally on a tired voice. ‘ _ My house! _ ’ Baze wanted to say but he bit it back. Instead he said goodbye, rushed to his car and drove away. The very same cat yowled again an answer to the jarring wheels. 

The steering wheel was harder than he thought under his fists when he was pummeling it with both hands after he parked the Hummy in his garage. It didn’t help. He went up to his appartement, took a long hot shower that left red his skin and stepped in the bedroom with a towel around his waist. He searched for his phone in the pocket of his jeans dropped on the ground earlier and stepped to the floor-to-ceiling window looking at the bay.

Despite of the last episode at his sister, the day was almost perfect. The baseball match, the picnic, all those nice people, lots of fun with Cassian, Bodhi and... Chirrut. He looked out to the docks but saw something else. Chirrut’s face bright with laughter, Chirrut’s witty, unstoppable chatter except when eating a sandwich. How his shoulder filled his ridiculously orange T-shirt. The line of one collarbone exposed in its V-collar.

At the moment he was surely huddling with Bodhi in front of a funny movie with a pizza. More likely they’re just after the pizza and Bodhi occupies himself with whatever young boys do nowadays and Chirrut is sitting in front of his laptop at the table by the window preparing his university work.

The night was clear, the little lamps at the top of the masts of the sailboats and yachts were shining like stars, while the real stars weren’t visible for the lights of the city. The water of the bay was just a black mass disappearing in the darkness. He saw his own reflection in the window with the spacious bedroom at the back. From the door the huge living room was almost visible. His living room that was big enough to incorporate the entire house of Chirrut. The moon was shining like it was the chandelier of the room behind him.

Maybe Chirrut is looking up to the same crescent above.

Baze closed his eyes.  _ That was stupid _ . First of all Chirrut wasn’t looking up to the moon for sure, as he couldn’t see it. Second of all it was  _ foolish _ to daydreaming _ again _ about Chirrut. Cassian was a carefree, joyful teenager for almost a whole day, he was playing in a baseball team, even entertaining girls with  _ his friend _ . That was more important than how Chirrut’s blooming smile made his stomach lurch in a sweet, sweet way.

He changed into fresh clothes, a black suit with a shirt. He called a taxi and after scrolling his messages about the upcoming parties of the evening he gave the adress of a club in downtown to the driver. He was sure he could pick up somebody for the night there. Only for that night. Cassian needed his time and attention. If he wanted to take care of Cassian  _ and _ his business he didn’t have time for a serious relationship. He didn’t need any, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chap will be all about the boys...stick around.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!

A chilly wind blew through the schoolyard as Cassian and Bodhi got down from the bus. Cassian didn’t mind, his leather jacket received from Baze, was even too warm, but Bodhi pulled tighter his own to close out the early November wind. As they walked side by side Cassian suddenly noticed that he was breathing freely, without the usual pressure in his chest, which had always been there when he went to school. He rose his eyes from the asphalt  to the bricks of the old building.

It was true that in the last weeks, months, his grades were getting better. It was true he barely got in trouble, he didn’t get familiar with the schoolmaster’s office yet and his schoolmates accepted him, some of them even liked him. It was true he felt, well, not good, but at least in a mood where he could keep his emotions under control. All this was not because of the building or the teachers or the other kids. It was all because of Bodhi.

“I almost forgot.” picked up his head Bodhi. “Uncle asked if you are coming today. I have to text him. Probably he will arrive home later, but he said he will try to hurry and bring something to eat if we are there.”

“Yeah, of course!” nodded Cassian. “I need your brain to understand math. Mr. Imwe doesn’t have to hurry because of me.”

“It’s okay. He likes to be busy.” Bodhi pulled out his phone from the side pocket of his bag and quickly wrote a message as they passed through the gate. “Will Baze pick you up as usual?”

Cassian glanced at Bodhi. “Is this your uncle asking that?”

Bodhi grinned at him. “No, it’s me.”

“Yeah, I guess. Maybe he will be late as well. He is inaugurating that new shopping mall on the west side. With the press and the mayor and everything. He said he will manage to come anyway.” he stopped abruptly. “Why are you grinning like a fool?” he asked suddenly irritated. 

Bodhi grinned wider. He didn’t understand how Cassian couldn’t see what was obvious. “Well, he picks you up every time. Not just picks you up, but comes for dinner, always brings dessert and wine or something else. He is way  _ too kind  _ with my uncle.”

Cassian just shrugged. “He’s been always very generous and it’s Mr. Imwe who cooks the dinner, so…”

Bodhi let out a loud sigh. “In the last month I haven’t seen him in the news posing with new boyfriends as he did before.” he stared meaningfully.

Cassian shrugged again. “Don’t draw any conclusions from that.” he wanted to stop Bodhi’s imagination once and for all. “He doesn’t always date with celebrities, sometimes he just picks up somebody at a party. If he poses, he always does it for publicity and now he wants all the spotlight on the shopping mall.” Bodhi’s face turned worried a bit and Cassian hoped he would pass the message to his uncle. Probably he would, they discuss everything. That would be the best, to prevent any further thoughts.

Bodhi’s face lit up. “I see what I see.” he said.

“If we are talking about that, what about you and Leia?” Cassian changed the subject. “I see what I see” he draw apostrophes in the air with his fingers. “...between you and her.”

Bodhi blushed deeply. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you and Leia. You like her and she likes you.”

“Are you sure?” he bit his lip. “I just don’t feel that I’m ready…”

“Ready for what?” he rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to ask her hand. You just have to ask her out for a date.”

“You think she would say yes?”

“You should ask her if you want to know. But I’m sure she will say yes.” Cassian shook his head. Bodhi can see that Baze likes his uncle, and that Mr. Imwe likes him back on his easeful way, even if both of them tries to hide it, but can’t see that a girl has a crush on him? Incredible. Dating is so easy. “Don’t worry about that. The rest you’ll figure out when you get there.”

“Did you already ask out Jyn?”

“Well, not exactly…” Bodhi let out a meaningful little cry. “...but I’m on it. I’m going to ask her out!” he forced more confidence in his voice and Bodhi’s eyes widened in his soundless  admiration. In the same time his pocket started to buzz so he took out his phone and read the message palming his face.

“Incredible! He’ll never learn how text messages work! They supposed to be short, not a whole novel.” he looked up to Cassian who tried to poke his head in the message. “Listen to this: ‘Baze wrote that he will pick us up anyway before the match on Saturday. Does it mean that Cas won’t sleep at us Friday? How shall I do the shopping?’” he looked up again. “So you won’t come before the match?”

Cassian shifted his weight disturbed. “No, I can’t come.”  

“Are you in trouble?”

“I’m not in trouble.” said Cassian more and more irritated.

“I mean... with your parents.” soothed him Bodhi. “I’m sure that my uncle could talk to them. He would…”

“I don’t want Mr. Imwe to talk with my parents.” snapped Cassian. “I don’t want him or you to have any connection with my parents. Did you understand?” he pushed Bodhi in the chest and recoiled.  _ Oh, what am I doing? I will ruin this, I will drive him away. _

The corridor started to fill with other students but nobody cared about them as they were standing in the cover of the main staircase. Cassian looked around as if it was the first time he saw his mates.  __ “Did you ever want to be someone else?” he asked suddenly on a tired voice.

“Like who?” Bodhi asked after a long pause.

“Somebody who knows exactly what is the right thing to do, what is the right thing to... say?”

“Yeah.” Bodhi knew exactly that feeling. To do the right thing, to say the words that must be said. His uncle did it, most of the time with ease sometimes with effort he often successfully masked, but he always did it. Baze Malbus did it with a natural confidence. Even Cassian did it when he wasn’t ruled by his emotions that Bodhi didn’t yet understood completely. He looked up again to Cassian. “You know, that you can tell me anything. We’re friends, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Cassian shrugged with relief. He didn’t push him away. “But there are things, I just cannot tell to you.”

The ringing bell made both of them jump. “Let’s go to class!” Bodhi said.

  
  
  


************************************

  
  


“Hey, Cas!” greeted him the boy at the far end of the empty parking behind Chick-Eat-Ah. He was leaning against an old car. This time it was not the color lost Ford, but a battered, black Plymouth. “You are late.” he grumbled throwing away his cigarette in a big arc.

“Then you should step on the gas.” bit back Cassian.

“That’s your job, not mine!” he went round to open the door. “Get in, everybody is there already. Do you want to make Krennic wait?”

Cassian sat in the car without a word and they turned out from the parking toward the east side of the city. They travelled liked that for about ten minutes. The other boy was looking often in the rearview to check if they weren’t followed.  “So what is it today?” broke Cassian the silence.

“It’s a non-prep race. There’s that old road of the Kyber Factory leading to the cargo bay. They don’t use it anymore. It’s going to be there.”

Cassian nodded. He knew that part of the city, even if he hadn’t yet drove there and he didn’t like the idea. Old roads like that were dangerous. No lighting, bad pavement, invisible holes and other sudden, unpleasant surprises. On the other hand, sentries could spot out earlier the cops and they can disappear easier. After all, illegal races are always  risky.

“Which car?”

“The Dodge.”

“That’s a piece of crap! I thought Krennic wants me to win.” Cassian snapped.

The other took a glance of him just slightly taking his eyes off the highway. Oldie. The others called him Oldie. Cassian huffed. It was better not to know their names, not even the nicknames. He knew only the owner of the car park, Krennic. He organised the races and earned big money on the bets. About a year ago Cassian hit a record on the Nascar simulator in the Game Universe in one of Baze’s malls where he spent his time when he wasn’t with his uncle and didn’t want to go home. The next day his telephone rang. It was Krennic asking him if he wanted to try it for real. In a real car. For real money.

They called him on the usual number every time, or just found him somewhere. He didn’t know how they did it, but they always knew where he was. They even found out his new school and the baseball field. They never went to his parents house and never came when he was with Baze. It was better not to know their names.

Baze didn’t know about the races. Nights like this he told him his parents didn’t let him stay with him and his parents were only interested in where he was, when he was with Baze. This was his business alone. His secret.

“Don’t worry about that. We boosted the engine and made lighter the body. You are going to fly if you step on it.” the other said turning to him with a blank face than looked back to the road to take a sharp turn and stopped the car at the end of a long, straight passage. The wheels stirred up the dust. “Here we are.”

Cassian got out and walked to a bigger group waiting around a shiny, yellow-black, pretty monster with a roof flap. He nodded to the two bulky guy who let him pass and stepped to the man in the middle. 

“‘Evening, Mr. Krennic!”

The man flashed a predator smile on him and soothed down his white suite under his white coat. “You arrived at last, my dear Cassian! Are you ready?”

“Yes, sir.”

Krennic stepped closer and a drop of light from the reflectors of the cars standing in a big circle around glinted on his white hair. “I want you to win this for me.”

Cassian wasn’t the only driver, he was aware of that. There was a race on every week-end but they called him only in every three weeks, every month or so. He was the youngest for sure. He didn’t do it for the adrenalin although it turned out he liked it very much. He did it for the money. He wanted to get as far from Jedha as he could. 

His parents wouldn’t have missed him. Baze would. He loved Cassian and Cassian admired him, but Baze was his parents money bag. They used Cassian to squeeze out as much money as they could from Baze. They did everything to make his life harder. It was better for everyone if he disappeared. And for that he needed money.

Cassian nodded to answer Krennic. He was ready. Krennic’s eyes were expressionlessly cold and Cassian wondered what would happen to him if he once lost a race.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course Krennic is the bad guy. Who else?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sweet chaps are coming…

It was a long day but the best was yet to come, Chirrut smiled to himself as he put the pasta in the boiling water. He was preparing spaghetti, Cassian’s favourite. The phone chirmed on the table. He pick it up bracing his hip against the counter.

“Read the message.” he ordered his phone.

An automatic female voice started to read. “Message. From. Baze. Hey. Chirrut. How was. Your. Day. How is. Your. New. Trainee.” Chirrut smiled again to the ceiling. 

At first they shared only some  basic infos like:

[We are on the way]

[Ok, dinner is ready]

 

[We stopped at Starbucks. Shall we bring breakfast?]

[A caffe latte and a toasted white chocolate mocha to Bo. I didn’t even know that exists. Thanks.]

 

[Will celebrate trainer’s birthday after the match tomorrow, don’t forget to bring something.]

[Thanks. I completely forgot!]

 

A few weeks later Baze wrote:

[You really think Crocusant University has better scholarship than the Jedhan?]

Like this, they started texting about everything and nothing which always ended up somehow in phone calls and late night chats like the day before. Baze said he hated texting and it was also more comfortable for Chirrut, but he kept that for himself. After a while, Chirrut caught himself on sharing with Baze his life, his happy moments and consulting his concerns, problems with him. For return, he listened how Baze spent his days and got familiar what worried him actually. He lived for his deep baritone coming through the phone.

“Message to Baze. My fears were irrational. She is better than I thought. Are you on your way?”

The reply came almost immediately. “Message. From. Baze. Yes. Will be. There. In. Twenty.”

He heard feather light footsteps on the stone floor. Bodhi must had been standing in the door for a while. Chirrut reached out for him and Bodhi stepped in his arm. “They are here soon. Why don’t you change?” he asked.

“What?” Chirrut tapped his shirt with his palms. “Oh, did I put sauce on me?”

“No, nothing like that.” said Bodhi very softly. “You should just change into a fresh shirt and maybe prepare a pullover. We are going out right after we ate.” That was the plan. Their present to Cassian for his birthday was tickets to the Giant Ferris Wheel and the Freefall Ride at the carnival that arrived at the city the week before. They shared the idea only with Baze, it will be a surprise for Cas. They will go right after the birthday cake. “Perhaps the blue one.” he added.

“The blue one.”

“Yes. It looks good on you and fits your eyes.” confirmed Bodhi.

Chirrut wriggled his weight more against the counter and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Fits my eyes. Now, _what_  are you talking about?” he asked lifting an eyebrow.

Bodhi pushed himself up to sit on the counter with a sigh. “This night would be a good occasion for you and Baze get to know each other better.” he started to explain carefully. “It’s like you were going out. Almost like a date.”

Chirrut flinched unfolding his arms and putting his hand on Bodhi’s hand on the counter between them. “Listen Bodhi, sweetheart...” his whole body showed objection. “...this is nothing like a date. We are going out because this is Cassian’s birthday. We will be there just to accompany you, to have fun together. That’s all.”

“You know, uncle…” Bodhi leaned closer. “...we, Cas and me, are perfectly able to  go to the carnival all by ourselves. Alone.  _ You _ insisted on coming. Both of you.” he shifted his weight back with an all knowing smile. Chirrut opened his mouth to protest again, then he snapped it shut. “C’mon uncle. Baze likes you. You should know it, even if you don’t see the way he looks at you when he thinks we don’t see it. He doesn’t miss any occasion to have dinner with us when he picks up Cas and he  _ always _ brings dessert and all kinds of little things.”

“He is welcomed at our table and he is polite gentleman. That doesn’t mean he likes me or has any deeper feelings, you imagine he has, towards me.” said Chirrut firmly.

“He is not like that guy you were seeing...when was it? Two years ago? Almost three. He just wanted to hook up.”

“Bodhi!” Chirrut couldn’t decide if he was shocked because of what Bodhi said or because of he was aware of that affaire.

“Sorry for the expression...but you really thought I didn’t know about it? That I can’t see when you’re sad?”

Chirrut grimaced, moved. “I…” but he really couldn’t find words.

“Anyway!” waved him down Bodhi. “Baze is different. When you mentioned you love the smell of candles he brought you a nice set. When you complained about how difficult is to find real safran he asked one of his friends to bring some  _ from India _ ! He offered you a plant holder for your herbs in the window that matches with the colour of the kitchen.” Bodhi paused as Chirrut shifted his weight back. “He carries the basket for you on the picnics, he buys you drinks, he even went back to the car to bring you an extra blanket when you were shivering last Saturday.” Chirrut bit his lips. “I’m not a great expert, but this is exactly the way I want to treat my girlfriend… I mean boyfriend… you know.”

“Bodhi…” started Chirrut but Bodhi didn’t let him speak.

“You like him back. You let him do those things. You let him guide you when you usually hate when people do that.” Bodhi sighed. He had to tell this. He had to hoik out his uncle from wherever he hid his feelings. He deserved to be happy. For all the people he deserved it the most. “You are...different when you are with him. Uncle, you are shining!”

“Okay, stop. That’s enough.” Chirrut said. He run his fingers up to Bodhi’s shoulder, searching for his face and he cradled his cheek with both hands. “Honey, my heart. I understand that you like him. Baze Malbus is a popular, public figure. He is naturally charming, he learned how to deal with all kinds of people. He is generous, attentive and caring in an unusual level. But that’s all. He is just like that and it doesn’t mean anything more. Okay? Don’t let all the fuss and glamour blind you. We shall treat him just like anybody else.”

Bodhi leaned in his touch with eyes closed. Chirrut let out a sigh. “All right. If it makes you happy, I am ready to put any pullover you choose for me.”

“And a shirt!” straightened Bodhi.

“No, my shirt’s just fine.”

“Please uncle! I’ll do the dishes!”

“You will do the dishes in any case.”

“Please!” he jumped down from the counter and slid under his arms. “Please, uncle!”

Chirrut held him tight. Suddenly the warm ball, he always cradled in the middle of his chest for Bodhi, exploded, spread out in his body and choked the air in his throat, as it had done it, oh, so many times in the past few years.

“Okay,” he whispered when he could breathe again. “...and a shirt.” He felt Bodhi’s smile and his slightly wet nose against his palm. It was time to drain the pasta.

  
  


***********************************************

  
  


“Were there many people at the mall?” asked Bodhi from Baze.

“Yeah, it was already full. Can you believe it? Christmas is a month away and the mall is already full.” answered Baze exhausted from only the thought of the crowd. They spent the afternoon after school buying clothes to Cassian. He wanted to buy him boots, jeans, some T-shirts, pullovers, underwear and a new coat. And of course anything else he wanted. Half of them they would keep in the room Cassian had at Baze.

If  the crowd was not enough, he had to fight with his nephew for the purchase of every and each piece. Cassian didn’t want to accept them, claiming that he only needed a coat. When Baze had enough of the useless resistance, he started to buy clothes for himself, as if he was simply in the mood for spending money. After he bought a way too expensive watch for himself, Cassian eased and he finally let him pay.

“Cassian said that Jedha's largest video game center opened in the new shopping mall.” said Bodhi with pure curiosity. Cassian had just finished his second plate and put down the fork. The spaghetti was really  _ amazing, _ he ate as much he could barely breath, so he just let the conversation wash over him.

“Oh. I don’t know if it’s the biggest or not. Cassian has more experience on that. But it’s true that it’s enormous.”

“Can we go with Cas to see it one day?” Bodhi turned to his uncle who was bracing on the table with both arm.

“Hm?” he asked on a voice that made obvious his mind was somewhere else.

“Can I go with Cas to the new video game center?” repeated Bodhi the question.

“Yes, of course.” said Chirrut nodding.

“This evening is more and more fantastique!” Bodhi announced.

Chirrut turned to him, completely off. “Hm? What?”

Bodhi looked around than took a deep breath. “I’m just saying. This. Evening. Is. More. And. More. Fantastique.” he articulated.

Chirrut looked at him with the same puzzled face as Cassian and Baze. Suddenly his expression changed, like he all at once understood something.

“Yes, right.” he laughed perplexed. “Great evening, isn’t it?”

“Yes, yes…” everybody was nodding, sharing confused looks.

“The spaghetti was wonderful. Thank you!” added Cassian.

“Great, I’m glad you liked it.” Chirrut jumped up from his chair pointing behind his back with his thumb. “I just have to check something in the kitchen.”  he disappeared. Baze and Cassian looked cluelessly at Bodhi, who just shrugged.

“Mr. Malbus…” he started. “...what is your next biggest project?”

“Huhh…” Baze huffed. He didn’t know that Bodhi was interested in his projects. He started to explain the ones which he thought might interest Bodhi when the lights went out. Cassian looked around in confusion, Bodhi was trying to hide a smile and Baze finally understood what was going on, why Chirrut vanished. The weird sentence, what Chirrut didn’t catch at first, was a sign for him that he could bring the surprise. And there he was, in the door between the kitchen and the dining room, a huge cake in his hand with a sparkling candle. Baze joined Bodhi singing happy birthday.

When the candle burned out and the lights were on again Baze lightly tapped Cassian’s shoulder, encouragingly, as he saw he was on the verge of the flood of his emotions. Bodhi stood up and put an envelope in Cassian’s hand. “Here, this is from uncle and me. Tickets for the Ferris Wheel and the Freefall Ride. Happy birthday, Cassian!”

Cassian just stared at the envelope than up to Bodhi. “Really? Oh, my gosh! Thank you!” The cake, now the gift. It was too much. He felt  _ tears _ pricking his eyes. He jumped up and embraced Bodhi, tapping each other’s shoulders like embarrassed teenagers. It felt good. It was like hugging a brother he never had.

He turned to Baze and simply stepped in his arms. It was good too. Baze was massive, powerful and comforting. Like home. Cassian felt like home.  “It’s not me, you have to thank it, but for Bodhi and Chirrut!” he grumbled in his ear. “Happy birthday, kiddo!” he added as they parted.

He already thanked to Bodhi, so he stepped closer to Chirrut, who was raising his right arm, not sure if there will be a handshake, a kiss on the cheeks or a hug. Cassian jumped in his neck without thinking and hooked his arm around his shoulders. Chirrut’s held him tight, strong. It was a new sensation for Cassian. It was like standing in the warm, golden sunlight or in a cool, slowly floating river. He felt that in these arms he didn’t need to be better, smarter, older, richer or anything, just him.

“It’s all right. C’mon, c’mon, it’s okay.” Slowly Chirrut’s words reached him as he gently rocked him. “You are a big boy now. You’re  _ sixteen _ ! Happy birthday!” Cassian tardily pulled away but couldn’t let go. He looked in Chirrut’s smiling face, his sightless eyes, and couldn’t understand how can that man be so pure, so full of joy and love.

Chirrut ran his hand from his bicep up to his shoulder and Cassian let him touch his face, to see him. A line deepened between his brows. “It’s a happy day!” he smiled smoothly, only for him. “You have to cut the cake!” Cassian took a deep breath and reached for the knife. He looked around and saw only smiling faces.

Yesterday, on his real birthday, there was a celebration, too. They ate the dinner in front of the TV, as usual. His mom brought in the cake and he received his gift, a book, a world atlas with lots of beautiful pictures. They shared kisses, and his father said it was a big day. They spent the whole evening watching TV after. He was happy, though. But it was nothing like this. This was what a real family could be.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chap yet…  
> What are they doing???? *wink-wink*
> 
> This is a longer chap, becouse I just couldn't cut it in two.  
> Enjoy!

“What is  _ that _ ?” asked Chirrut alarmed, catching up his head at the top of the tower following the sound of the screaming people in the seat hurtling down with incredible speed. They were standing in line for the Freefall Ride.

“They’re just enjoying the ride.” answered Baze looking at him concerned. He found his face a bit paler than usual.

“Is that… so high?” rose his chin again Chirrut after the sound of the lifting mechanism.

“Yep.” Baze smiled silently. “That’s why it’s called free fall ride.”

Chirrut swallowed hard. “Shit.” he managed on a faint voice and Baze had to fight back a laugh.

“So what about that trainee? Will she be in good stead?” he asked. Chirrut spoke about his actual research in their earlier conversations. He read an old text mentioning a powerful mantra from ancient times and he wanted to know more about it. The university didn’t have the ressource to provide him a second assistant, besides the one he had, and who was already overloaded. He decided to work with trainees which meant volunteering students. Baze asked about that trainee to distract Chirrut from the skirl.

To be completely honest he wanted to distract himself as well. Since he saw the first time that afternoon Chirrut in his shiny, white shirt and italian style dark blue trousers, smelling heavenly from a spicy aftershave and looking simply dashing, his heart acted oddly, as if it wanted to jump out of his chest.

“I showed her the reserve, where she could find for me the ancient scrolls.” answered Chirrut forcing a smile but his voice caught when the seat started to fall again from the tower. “She quickly learned my need, however she wasn’t charmed by the basement where we keep the reliques hermetically sealed.”

Maybe it was Chirrut melodic voice that draw him, maybe the movement of his hand or the animation of his face, but despite the lack of eye contact it was usually hard to break away. Like in that moment. “I’m not surprised.” Baze said and touched lightly Chirrut’s elbow to step forward with the queue.

“Tomorrow I’ll meet the second trainee, a young man this time. I want him to work in the library. I’m afraid, he won’t be particularly thrilled about this fact, neither.”

“If you want them to be  _ thrilled _ , let them take the books and all the texts and buy them a coffee at Starbucks.” Baze laughed low. “If I remember well, I visited the library only the time when my actual crush was there.”

“I bet you did.” turned him Chirrut and Baze saw that his hand was slightly trembling.

“Are you cold?”

“No.” turned away Chirrut. Baze took a better look to see his knuckles white on his cane as he held it against his chest.

“Are you  _ that _ scared?” he leaned closer to whisper the question.

“No.” turned him again Chirrut. “I’m terrified!” he whispered back. Baze chuckled but got pity on him.

“We don’t have to do this. It’s okay to skip.”

“Oh, I want to do it.” he leaned closer. “Just don’t tell it to Bo, please.”

As if he could only hear his name, Bodhi turned back and Cassian with him. “Are you alright, uncle?”

“I’m perfectly fine, thank you.” put Chirrut his nose in the air.

“Yes, we’re fine!” confirmed Baze.

“Sure?” asked back Bodhi and for a moment he frowned just the same way as Chirrut used to do. Baze found it endearing.

“Yep.” they answered in union. Bodhi shrugged and they put their heads again together with Cassian. They couldn’t keep up their private discussion above the shared package of M&Ms for long as it was their turn for the ride. Chirrut could just fold and put away his cane when the security arm closed down and the seat started to lift.

Baze enjoyed the ride but was glad when it was over, the security arm let them free again and he could finally plant his feet on the ground. In turn, Chirrut looked awful. For Baze’s concern he was green and wasn’t sure on his feet when he stood up. Baze caught him by his arm and led him through the cordon to a nearby wall. “Here. You can lean against the wall.”

Chirrut did as he was told taking deep breaths. As he bent forward to brace himself on his knees Baze couldn’t hold back his laugh anymore. “Oh, that’s very empathic. Thank you!” groaned Chirrut.

The two boys arrived running. “You feel sick? Chirrut?” asked Bodhi full of worry. Chirrut just hummed waving a hand. The three of them looked at each other and bursted out in laughter at the same time.

Chirrut groaned again. “You are laughing! That’s very nice!” he straightened himself, laughing just as the same as the others, but he quickly stopped and took another deep inhale.

“Boys, go have some fun!” Baze reached for his pocket and gave money to Cassian. “I’ll keep an eye on your uncle. Try not to burn down the whole carnival and keep your phone near-hand. I’ll call you in about two hours.” Cassian lifted his fingers showing three. Baze winked at him. “We’ll see!” The boys grinned and disappeared in a slow jog.

Baze turned back to Chirrut. The colour of his face started to turn back something similar to normal but he was still focusing on his breathing. Baze was glad he was broad with muscles so he could shield him with his body from anyone else’s view. The usual way his stomach shifted every time Chirrut flashed his brilliant, joyful smile, now appeared of the sight of Chirrut alone. Not only appeared, but left a tingling feeling in his whole body and fingertips. He stepped back. Chirrut turned his face after the sound, facing him and Baze had to look away.

“There is a giant thing called Hurricane. It turns around and randomly throws out and pulls back the seats.” Chirrut let out a disgusted sound. “There is another one called Paratrooper. The cabins on the end of the long arms are turning around themselves, while the whole thing is spinning and waving.” Chirrut let out another protesting grown. Baze was fighting really hard with his laughter. “Which one would you like to try next?” he asked.

“Ha-ha! Very funny, indeed.” thud his head against the wall Chirrut with eyes closed, a smile around his lips. “I'm glad you have fun with my sufferings.”

Baze was laughing on deep voice. “A walk then?”

“With pleasure!” sighed Chirrut, enfolding his cane and pushing himself away from the wall.

“Here.” offered his arm Baze.

“Thank you.” accepted it Chirrut. Baze guided his hand in the crook of his right elbow and didn’t let go as they stepped in the flow of the crowd. Chirrut sniffed in the air so Baze did the same.

“Is it the candy-floss?” he asked.

“Yes, that smells nice, too.” he smiled at Baze. “It’s just the smell of the city.”

“The city?” wondered Baze.

“Usually I can slightly smell the salt the wind carries from the ocean, even here, under the scent of all the foods, sweets and hot drinks of the carnival.”

“I’ve never paid attention, but now you pointed it out....I can smell the salt.” sniffed Baze the air.

Chirrut let out a heavy sigh next to him. “I just love Jedha! Don’t you love Jedha? Especially during the winter. It seems to be cold and sleepy, yet it is so alive! It’s so full of life, Baze.” That was the most beautiful way he had ever heard his name.

“Yes, it’s very…” he pressed some words out of himself as Chirrut was waiting for a reply. “...animated.”

“Animated?” stopped suddenly Chirrut. “Really? You said animated?” he repeated laughing.

“I love Jedha.” leaned closer Baze. “Just as much as you do. Are you satisfied with this answer?” Now, that they were so close to each other, Baze felt even more that strange power pulling him closer and closer to Chirrut. He held back his breath as he couldn’t do anything against it, the same way as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from his heart-shaped lips. Chirrut’s expression slowly changed into something smooth and trusting.

There were moments like that. Moments, when Baze let himself believe that Chirrut might felt the same way as he did. Moments, when Chirrut’s touch lingered just slightly longer on his arm or shoulder than it was reasonable. Moments of those special, shy smiles reserved only for him. Moments, when Chirrut turned or stepped away in haste. Than those moments passed and Baze convinced himself that it was just his imagination. Just like then. He shifted his weight back before Chirrut’s smile could fade away completely. “Let’s walk.” he said firmly and they took up the pace. “Do you want me to describe the carnival?” he asked.

“I would  _ love _ that.” cheered up Chirrut.

Baze turned his head around. “It’s very colourful.” he started and glanced on Chirrut from the corner of his eyes.  _ I want to hear him laugh _ , he decided. “Every game has a different set of neons. The Pirate is red and white. On the Ferris Wheel, there are yellow, blue and white lights pulsing, forming an arrow every time. The Castle of ghosts is black and red, shady, scary, boooo.” There it was. An almost silent laughter. “The Tunnel of Love of course is pink, the lights in heart shape. I bet every teenager girl wants a ride on it with her crush.” Again a small laugh. “Happy faces everywhere. Couples, families, young boys and girls. Lots of joy. But probably you know that.”

Chirrut smiled at  _ him _ . “Is there a Ring the bell sort of thing?” he asked with an innocent face that made Baze suspicious.

“Probably...Why?”

“I dare you for a round!” he put up his impish look and now it was Baze turn to laugh. They quickly found the corner of skill games. They could both rang the bell. Baze could almost cover all spots, Chirrut missed all of them, but he won a rubber duck at the balloon and darts by pure luck and he couldn’t have been happier. Finally Baze won a terribly and bizarrely green, plush puppy at target shooting, what Chirrut didn’t want to keep. He was sulking because, despite Baze used up the whole army of his negotiation skills, the vendor simply refused to give Chirrut a gun when it was his turn to shoot.

After a hot wine they ended up strolling again with the flow of people. In spite of hot wine shouldn’t contain much alcohol it was still able to put a deep blush high on Chirrut’s cheeks and Baze felt more and more lost.

“I was thinking about what you said the first time you invited us for dinner.” he started out of nowhere. “About the Old Market.” Chirrut’s focus was somewhere in front of him which, as Baze already learned, was the sign of his full attention so he went on. “You know my company bought the territory of the Red Mill with that semi crashed down building. The plan was to raze it down and build a cute little business center in its place.” Chirrut frowned but said nothing waiting for Baze to continue. “What you said about the heritage of the city just didn’t left me so I made it tested and it turned out that the structure is still in a reliable condition. I asked my architects to revisit the plans.” he stopped for a moment. “We are going to keep the facade and turn the building into a concert and exhibition hall. The municipality loved the idea, we received the permissions. The work could start within a month.”

Chirrut’s face lit more and more up as he spoke and he was almost glowing at the end. “Oh, that’s really wonderful! I’m really happy for that. You probably put great effort and resources in it. I hope it will be not just a benefaction but will pay-off as well.”

“It was inspired by you.” The comment hung in the air as Chirrut let it without reply. All the light disappeared from his face, closing off a little. It felt as if a cloud had passed over the sun. Baze didn’t understood what happened but wanted his sun back. He came up with one of Chirrut’s favorite subjects. “You still haven’t told me what is the mantra you found in that text you read.”

He was right, Chirrut opened up again with a deep inhale. “It’s a simple one, yet I find it somehow powerful as if it was the essence of something bigger, something, what we don’t understand yet. It’s in jeddash, the rough translation is something like...” he paused for a moment gathering his words. “...I am one with the Force and the Force is with me and I fear nothing because all is as the Force wills it.”

Baze let his voice linger between them. “I like it.” he said only after the last consonant had died away.

“I like it, too.” nodded Chirrut humbly.

“It suits you well. This mantra.” he covered Chirrut’s hand on his arm with his own. “I mean... you seem to be always driven by some inner strength, like you would be directly tuned to the universe itself. To that Force in that mantra. Simply and the same time so beautifully.”

Chirrut stopped and teared out his hand. “Please, stop!” he said firmly, facing Baze.

“What? Why?” Baze asked puzzled, scared that he did something wrong.

It was the first time he saw Chirrut searching for words. He started very slowly and guarded.  “Please, stop telling me things like that. I’m sure that you don’t realise it, but it makes me feel that I’m...somehow... special.”

“You  _ are _ special.” stepped forward Baze and Chirrut stepped back like they were in a slow dance.

“I mean special... to you.” he made a desperate gesture. “I know it’s foolish and I’m sure you didn’t mean it that way. It’s just stupid from me to think that there is more than what is obvious, but I can’t help it. So please, just stop.”

_ Here you are, Baze! Congratulations! This is the result of what you are doing. Is it really as hard to not to  _ **_pull_ ** _ on the stepfather of the friend of Cassian? He is not just a bored celebrity or a hedonist sonny boy from the night searching for a meaningless affair. He is real! Everything around him is so painfully real. You have to act like a grown-up now! You have to apologize and confirm your friendship! _

“I can’t do that, Chirrut.” he heard his own voice betraying him.

“Why...why not?” Chirrut raised his chin, confused.

“I can’t do that,” Baze’s tongue was turning by itself and his mouth working out of his control. “...because I don’t want to stop to make you feel special to me. You are more than special to me and I want you to know that. So I will keep telling you that you are smart and beautiful and perfect and I just can’t  stop thinking about you, till you won’t be able to doubt it anymore.” the truth of his own words hit him hard and liberated something inside his chest.

As a reply Chirrut’s face turned into the most wonderful expression he had ever seen in his life. He knew that he would live only for to see that expression again and again. Baze stepped forward and reached for Chirrut. At the touch he parted his red lips, blushed as the rest of his face, searching his soul with his milky, blue eyes. For a second Baze forgot everything. There was nothing else, just them. They were the only ones in the carnival, in the whole city, in the endless universe.

Baze stepped closer and Chirrut stayed put. Baze closed the distance sliding one arm around Chirrut’s waist, pulling him slightly closer and running the other hand to his cheek. He smelled of that rich after shave Baze knew already, of cinnamon, clove and the wine what, Baze swore, he could already taste in his mouth. Their lips met and there was nothing else beyond that.

  
  


********************************************

 

Someone tapped his shoulder. Bodhi turned around to see nobody but already to hear giggling familiar voices.

“Ladies,” bowed Cassian ritually. “...what a pleasure to meet you here!” Jyn and Leia snickered even more. Cassian poked his ribs with his elbow as he didn’t say anything just stared at the girls.

“Yeah. Hi!” he managed, putting his hands in the pocket of his jeans.

Cassian rolled his eyes. “You heard the greeting of Bodhi Rook, the inimitable speaker!” the girls snickered again. Jyn smiled and swept out her hair from her face.

“What did you try already?” Leia asked. Her brown eyes were kind and warm and took away Bodhi’s skills of speaking.

“The question is not what we tried but what we  _ are _ going to try!” said Cassian mysteriously.

“What is it?” asked Jyn with reservation.

“The biggest attraction of the carnival, the Giant Ferris Wheel!” pulled out the tickets Cassian from his pocket with ceremony. “Ta-daaaa! It would be a pleasure if you joined us!” he bowed again. It seemed the girls are enchanted because they turned away to quickly discuss the question and Bodhi nervously pulled on the sleeve of Cassian’s coat. He had to pull it several times. “What?” Cassian asked still eye flirting with Jyn.

“You want to give them the tickets?” Bodhi asked concerned.

“Yes. Why?” looked at him finally Cassian. “You think your uncle wants to use them? I don’t think so.” Bodhi considered for a moment than nodded.

“Ok, thank you for the invitation. Let’s go!” Jyn said as she quickly formed a couple with Cassian to lead their way toward the Ferris Wheel. Bodhi walked on the side of Leia biting his lip and keeping his gaze strictly on Cassian’s back.

“What did you try already?” Leia asked again. Her voice was so gentle and sweet Bodhi wanted to record it to be able to listen to it again and again.

“The Freefall Ride.” he faltered.

“Oh, really?” for a second Bodhi heard admiration in her voice, but he brushed off the idea. That just simply wasn’t possible. “We didn’t have the courage. We stood the line but finally chickened out when we saw it from close.” Bodhi looked at her for the first time since they walked.

“Oh, it wasn’t as a big deal.” he managed and now he was sure he saw admiration in Leia’s eyes.

They didn’t have to wait for long to take a seat after Cassian presented the tickets. When the next cabin arrived Cassian opened the door and offered his hand to Jyn to help her in, than jumped after her.

Bodhi swallowed hard and stepped forward. He reached out his hand and noticed with terror that it was _ shaking _ but there was no time to pull it back as Leia moved closer and  _ put her hand in his _ looking straight in his eyes. Her hand was warm, silky smooth, soft and Bodhi wanted to pull it to his chest and never let it go. Leia stepped in the cabin, sat next to Jyn. The moment passed. She let his hand go but she kept her smile on him. Bodhi practically fainted next to his friend.

Cassian led the conversation telling where to turn their heads and what to see while Bodhi couldn’t do else but grinning wide. They were only halfway up when Jyn let out a small cry. “Look!” she pointed toward the ground. “Aren’t those your uncles there? There!” both girls covered their mouths snickering. “I didn’t know they were dating.” she said.

Bodhi had to lean over Leia to be able to see. He was distracted by her flowery scent but only for a second. What he saw made his already jumping heart flutter. There was Baze with his uncle and _ they were kissing _ ! Like in the movies! They were standing like an island in the middle of the floating crowd, sparkling neons covering them with colourful lights. Chirrut bent slightly backwards, clinging on Baze’s bicep and side, letting all his weight in Baze’s arms trusting that he would hold him. And he did. One hand on Chirrut’s back, pulling him closer, sheltering him with his body, other hand cradling his cheek protectively.

The sight made Bodhi happy. It made him smile. It made him lightheaded. He glanced on Cassian to share their joy but Cassian wasn’t smiling. There was a mix of anger, disappointment and bitterness on his face, his fists clenching the handrail. When he saw Bodhi was looking at him he turned away and sat back to the seat wrapped in silence. Bodhi followed him in confusion. As the cabin moved higher and the girls kept up the chat the image of Cassian’s frustrated expression slipped out of his mind. He focused on his plans which included taking Leia’s hand again, looking in her eyes, inhaling her wonderful perfume and maybe...just maybe kiss her on the lips.

Soon. Very soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just couldn’t stop to use the mantra....


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chap is for cooling down a bit to prepare for the ride…

Chirrut’s spicy lips. The way he huffed a laugh saying with happy amazement ‘You have a beard!’. Chirrut’s fingers digging in said beard in a way he had to catch those fingers to pepper them with kisses. Their hands tangled together as they were strolling in the carnival. Finding an eatery, ordering something, Baze didn’t even remember what, just to be able to sit down, holding hands, laughing and talking. Chirrut’s fingers again, carefully touching his face to  _ see him  _ for the first time. Pushing Chirrut against the back of the bench and kissing him again. Baze closed his eyes and tried not to groan.

  
  


**********************************

  
  


The construction was loud, metal clunking, machines roaring, workers shouting. A heavy wind blew across the empty space as there were no walls yet between the ferroconcrete pillars. The huge plan of the building stretched out on the table with small but heavy tools on the four corner so that the wind cannot blow it away. Tom Hasel was leaning above it explaining the reorganisation of the manpower due to a logistique issue that caused a temporary lack of material.

He wore brown boots, jeans, a pullover above his shirt and an expensive but practical, brown leather jacket. A set what, according to his wife, made him exactly look like as the head of construction should. Next to him, Baze was standing in a dark blue suit, a matching dark blue coat with fur covered collar, black, shiny shoes and  black leather glove with a watch that might cost a fortune, coming from a lunch with the mayor and the congressman of Jedha. He was looking like some kind of celtic god, showing what he exactly wanted to show, the image of an ultra-rich and influential businessman. Even the mandatory, yellow protection helmet on his head screamed that he didn’t need it, because if the building collapsed, he would have been the only survivor, keeping the whole structure above his head soly with his bare hands and sheer willpower.

Tom let out a heavy sigh and straightened up. The sigh wasn’t because of his boss’s look, he was used to that. It was because Tom had just realised he was speaking to the air in the past twenty minutes. Baze was bracing himself on his fists on the table gazing forward. He was staring at nothing. Tom was sure about that, because he looked in the same direction and he found only empty space there.

“What are you looking so carefully?” he asked casually.

“The city.” Baze answered if it was the most natural thing, as if they were sitting in a café and not standing on the fiftieth floor of a skyscraper under construction having an emergency meeting.

“The city?” Tom asked sceptically.

“Don’t you think Jedha is wonderful?”

“Wonderful?” echoed Tom.

“Especially at this time of year?”

“When our ars is freezing off?” Tom was actually scared now. What had happened with Baze? He asked the only possible question. “Is everything alright with Cassian?”

“Yes, he’s fine.” a fond smile appeared on Baze’s face. “He is on a two days training camp with the whole sport team of the school.”

“That’s a good news.” That was a  _ very _ good news. Usually Cassian couldn’t fit in any community but it seemed that this school was different. If Cassian was ok then there was only one other thing he could think of.  “Who is the new guy?”

“What guy?” Baze’s eyes flickered on him only for a second.

“The one you’re seeing.”

“There is nobody.” Baze straightened and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Tom met with him at the university, where Baze, between dragging him from one party to another, shared his visions with him about skyscrapers, complicated architectures and monumental building complexes, redrawing the surface of their hometown. In the past years he saw some of them come alive and he saw new ones, too, emerging out of Baze’s imagination to take shape. Giants like the titan they were standing on and cute little pearls like that exhibition hall he wanted to transfer the abandoned Red Mills.

During the time, Tom got married with a wonderful woman, the love of his life, had two children, but it seemed that Baze just wasn’t able to settle down. There wasn’t anybody who could catch the attention of his ever fluttering mind for long, just the same way as he always needed another and bigger project.   
  


Tom scanned their conversations of the past weeks and could come up with only one name. That name didn’t make him happy.

“Nobody? Is that nobody has witty comments and snappy humor? Is that nobody has a ridiculous orange shirt and a terrible mauve one?”

No answer.

“Is that nobody can cook unbelievably delicious curry? The same nobody for whom you were pestering  _ everybody _ for weeks to get you real safran? You even said to, Deepak, the chef of the Le Bernardin that his safran was  _ not good enough _ , and that poor guy had to ask his mother-in-law to send one packet, directly from Mumbai. Your only luck he's a good friend.” he huffed. “Are we speaking about that nobody?”

Dead silence.

“Is that nobody is a super intellectual history professor? The nobody, who happens to be the stepfather of Cassian’s new friend?”

Baze shifted his weight uncomfortably. “Maybe.”

Tom heard the reply but he wished he didn’t hear it. “Shit, Baze! It seems that he and his son... what’s his name? Bodhi?... have a very good influence on Cassian. You come together a lot and he cares very much about the boy. And his son is the only friend of your nephew.” Baze avoided to look in his eyes. “Did you ever think about what will happen when it’s over?”

“Hey! What?! Why would it be over?” he chafed.

“Baze,” Tom’s voice was tired. “let’s be honest! What was your longest relationship? Three month? Four?”

“This time it’s different.” said Baze on a low voice.

“Why would this be different?”

“Because…” Baze opened his arms and pulled up his shoulders. “...you know...” he looked at Tom with his pure, brown eyes. “...there is something in him. He’s special, Tom.”

Special. Yes. Tom knew exactly what that meant and what was coming. The business, that ran always faster than a racing car, would park in the pit stop for the next few weeks or months. At least everybody could catch up his or her bearings, make up the leeway and prepare for the next round.

The next round meant always the same. Baze, using his Porsche instead of the Hummy. Baze, and the endless row of hook ups, most of the Baze would remember  from the next day’s headlines or paparazzi photos, if he would care at all. Baze, with his business speeding up in a way that everybody has to hold on tight with two hands to be able to follow the new projects, the explosive investments and the rhythm he dictates. Baze, with bright, gorgeous smile, thousand percent glowing charm, black lines under his eyes with ten cup of espresso per day.  The next round meant Tom going home only to sleep.

After a few mad and ecstatic months Baze would calm down to a speed what an average human being could also follow and everybody could breathe again. For about a year.

“Ok. If he is special, I’m glad for you.” he said and tapped Baze shoulder. He had known him for twenty years and he had always been like that. Tom liked him the way he was. However, it didn’t mean he wasn’t worried for him.

“So what about this problem we have?” he asked after a long pause.

“How many time we lose?”

“About a month.”

“You know, Tom,” Baze looked at him . “...I have an idea.” and Tom saw that very familiar flame in his eyes which always meant Baze was preparing to make possible the impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so what do you think about Baze? I’m curious.  
> And a little hint for the next chap: the boys are out of town...


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for some more?  
> WARNING (and spoiler in the same time):
> 
>  
> 
> I throw some sex on you and than run away… If you don’t want to read about it, you can read the beginning, skip that part and just continue from the conversation at the end of the first part.

Right at that moment Baze was in his car driving through Jedha, the boys were on a two days training camp with the school and Chirrut was on the edge of his nerves. That night just the two of them for dinner. The chicken cacciatore was cooking in the oven, its scent started to fill the house. It was ready soon. Baze was there in any minute. Ten minutes earlier he wrote he was there in twenty.

His heart was beating in a way he was afraid he would have a heart attack. It was the hundredth time he checked his hair and made sure the seams of his shirt were straight. He focused on his breathing. He needed to, for his own sake, he needed to take this slowly. He took the pan out of the oven and placed it on the counter. Baze Malbus was coming to meet him. Baze Malbus, ‘one of the hottest bachelors in Jedha’ according to the articles Bodhi read to him. They were just having some adult fun. Nothing more. Just fooling around.

When was the last time he did something like this? Not  _ that _ affair was the last one which Bodhi knew about, there were others his nephew didn’t know...but still… Neither of them he wanted that much. Okay, so they were just having fun, right? Not looking for anything serious. Not with Baze Malbus.

Not even when he lived for Baze’s voice. Not even when he lived for Baze’s passion for realising his dreams, for the way he cared for his nephew, for his generosity, jokes and sensitivity. Not even when he lived for the way Baze touched him and kissed him and definitely not even when Chirrut wanted nothing else just to press his lips over the face he touched for the first time the week before, and to tear off the clothes of that very solid body he’d felt and absolutely not even when his heart, when his heart… He put his palm on his chest and inhaled deeply. They were just having fun.   

Car wheels turned up to the front yard, an engine died, feet clomped and the doorbell rang. Chirrut’s heart jolted even though he was expecting it. He thought on his new, favourite mantra. “Force save me!” he murmured to himself than swung open the door. “Hello, Baze!”

“Hello, beautiful!” Baze said and Chirrut’s traitor heart lighted up inside his chest.

“Hello!” he repeated while Baze stepped in, closed the door behind and took him in his arms. There was something in his hand that hit lightly Chirrut’s back but he couldn’t care less. Baze’s lips softly touched his to drew off, ghosting over with only his breath. “Smells  _ delicious _ !” Meaning the food? Him? Who cared! Chirrut was lost.

His hand came up to Baze’s neck and then slid into his hair. He could finally touch again his long strands, silky, soft, feeling so nice between his fingers. He breathed deep, inhaling his scent, and Baze kissed him again, firmly this time. He opened his mouth to him and Baze’s tongue was inside it making Chirrut forget all of his earlier vows about taking it slowly. Their tongues tangled together, and Chirrut kissed him back hard, pushing the kiss as deep as it could go. He heard himself moan as Baze slowed down and it was only their lips clinging together for long, long time before they parted.

Baze put away that totally unneeded thing from his hand, Chirrut didn’t know what it was but was certain it could wait, pushed off his coat and probably his suit with it as Chirrut touched now the fabric of a shirt and Baze’s firm muscles under it. Baze took his face and kissed him again.

He let himself against the wall when Baze pushed him back, his legs spreading open to allow him to step between them. Baze grounded into him so Chirrut could feel that he was already as hard as himself was. Chirrut moaned again as he kissed his neck and pulled open the collar of his shirt. He kissed his collarbone while grinding against him in strong, slow movements that made Chirrut dizzy. How did he get that hard, when he wanted to take it slow, he wondered.

Baze didn’t move any further just pushed him even more into the wall sucking on his neck under his ear. “I want you in my mouth!” Baze whispered.

Chirrut couldn’t breathe. His body was on fire, tight and throbbing and yes, he wanted that too, oh, how much he wanted. “What about the dinner?” he panted as a last faint effort to break the spell.

“You won’t hear that from me a lot, because the food you make is mind blowing, but  _ fuck _ the dinner!” Baze said. “Where’s your bedroom?”

“At the back.” he managed.

“Aha.” Baze breathed against his neck as he pushed his hand slowly down to cup him and groaned as Chirrut arched. “You are hard,” he whispered and sucked on his neck. “you’re so hard for me.” Baze leisurely rubbed him while he couldn’t do anything else just cling into him. They were in an awkward position but it felt amazing. It had just been so long, and they were just fooling around, having fun. Chirrut moaned again. Baze pulled away for a second to catch him up in his lap, hooking Chirrut’s legs around his hips and start to walk into the back of the house.

“Right or left?” he asked.

“Right.” Chirrut exhaled. Baze kicked in the door, shoved him on the bed and started to peel his trousers off with practiced moves. Chirrut scrambled to help him, but he didn’t need the help, quickly yanked his underwear down, gripping the backs of his thighs and plunging between his legs. Without hesitation Baze wrapped his mouth around the head of his cock sinking as down as he could go in one slow swallow. The sudden hot of his mouth made Chirrut buck up into his face.

“Sorry!” he exclaimed embarrassed. “Sorry, it’s just been a while and…” he couldn’t finish, because his mind went blank as Baze ripped open his shirt to trace a wet line up on his abdominals and chest.

“Hush, my beauty! Let me take care of you!” he licked his neck up to his ear and whispered on one breath, making him shiver. “I want you to come for me!”

“Ah,” he gasped brokenly. Baze moved down again, his hand dragging down his front as he went. His tongue lolled against the underside of Chirrut’s cock to wrap a hand around the base, gripping, sucking and swallowing in steady rhythm. It made Chirrut giddy and high, his heart was beating so fast he had to catch for air.

Baze pushed his mouth harder, enjoying it like he’d never tasted anything like him and Chirrut couldn’t help but moan and moan and moan again at the sensations. “You taste good,” Baze said, his breath warm against him, making him shiver. “I could taste you all night.” Chirrut practically whined.

Baze’s mouth was on him again and he couldn’t help himself pushing his body messily against his face. Baze dragged his tongue all over him and he rocked himself to the same rhythm, biting his lip getting closer and closer to the edge with every sweep of Baze’s tongue. His palm rubbed and rubbed, his mouth sucked and sucked on the head of his cock and then, and then, he felt the tingling, the tingling of orgasm.

Baze’s hand worked faster around the base what he couldn’t reach with lips and tongue. He sucked harder at him and rubbed in a way that was almost torturous. Chirrut hitch the air that turned into a gasp to transform into a long, helpless moan emerging from his throat when he came. Baze pulled the orgasm out of him with firm hand licking and sucking at him as if he couldn’t get enough and Chirrut’s entire body trembled by spasm after helpless spasm.

When he came down and could breathe again, he sat up, reached for Baze pulling him closer and kissing him messily.

“Suck me off!” commanded Baze, voice tight.

Chirrut could only nod, because yes,  _ yes _ , he wanted that, yes, he wanted Baze in his mouth and all over him. Baze kneeled up and Chirrut realised he was still fully dressed. He listened as Baze quickly undid his belt and pants, and he scrambled up, too. Baze put his hand on his shoulder, barely touching it, and he bent down to him, sliding his mouth over his already rock-hard, leaking cock. Baze groaned and grabbed his shoulder.

“Shhhit,” he said easing his grip. “...oh...Chirrut...”

Chirrut curled his hand around his base to pump him and suck on him as he asked. First he worked on his tip for a bit, then he pulled off to massage it, lightly licking with his lips. Baze groaned and slid his fingers through his hair and he took him all the way in, down, down to his base. Baze released another, louder groan and his fingers clawed at the back of his head.

“You are...agh... more beautif--fffuck...than I ever thaught.” Baze growled clenching his teeth.  Chirrut swallowed him down to his base again making his body curl in on itself, hunching over him. He pulled back and sucked on his tip, over and over, putting more pressure, twisting with his wrist, tugging with his grip and massaging with his fingers in conjunction with his mouth.

Baze’s breath hitched and had to brace himself on Chirrut’s shoulders. His fingers dug into his back and Chirrut just  _ loved _ how roughly he pushed against his face in a cruel rhythm. “Chirrut!” Baze pressed through his teeth and came violently spilling hot, hard and uncontrolled into his mouth.

Afterward, Chirrut emerged to the touch of Baze’s soothing hand and voice. “You are so beautiful and perfect… How can you be so beautiful and perfect?” Baze repeated this again and again. Chirrut replied with a kiss. “I’ve never slept with a doctor before. Did you know that, doctor Chirrut Imwe?” Baze asked.

“Oh, yeah?” Chirrut nibbled his ear playfully. “Well, I’ve never slept with a playboy before.”

“Oh, no! You think I’m a playboy?” Baze sat up. There was smile in his voice and he wrapped his arms around him, probably to take a better look of his face, Chirrut guessed. “You read that somewhere?” he flicked on his nose gently. “I’m _ not _ a playboy. Perhaps, when I was younger, but I’m  _ not  _ a playboy.”

“Well, then…” he whispered in Baze’s ear. “I’ve never slept with someone like you before.”

Baze moved to pull Chirrut closer and cradled his cheek, whispering in his mouth. “I’ve never slept with as  _ special _ someone like you before.”  and Chirrut didn’t understand what was going on with him. They were just having some fun, right?  _ Right? _   
  


 

*********************

  
  


Later, after a lazy shower, they reheated the chicken and sat to the table. They’d just started to eat, when Baze jumped up. “Oh, I almost forgot!”  he stepped out to the small hall and grabbed the long forgotten, little package he brought with himself. “I found you something.”

“You don’t have to buy me anything!” Chirrut said with the tiny box wrapped in paper in his hand.

“It’s just a little nothing, really.” assured him Baze. “Open it!” he prompted.

Chirrut found the edges of the paper, unfolded the box and took off the top of it. He reached carefully inside and took out a little charm with a leather cord. He put it in his left palm and traced the shape with his right fingers head tilted up slightly, focus on the ceiling. It was hard for Baze to hold himself back from saying anything but he let Chirrut discover. At last Chirrut turned to him and sighed. “Baze, this is… is this a starbird?”

“Yes, it is.” Baze smiled. “Do you like it?”

“It’s... beautiful. So far I've known it only from descriptions but never had the occasion to touch one.” he folded his fingers around it and Baze heart rejoiced.

“I bumped in it in a shop window…” that was a lie. The truth was that two of his assistants had been searching the net and the antique shops of Jedha for two weeks to find something similar. “...made me think of you ...and all you said about that mantra and the long lost language… this refers to those ancient times…”

“Yes. You made me happy.” said Chirrut. “Thank you.” he held it in his hand than put it back to the box unwillingly. He took up the fork and flashed a brilliant smile to Baze. “I’m glad that the boys are out of town.”

“Are you, now?” asked Baze reaching for his free hand, leaning above it to suck on his middle finger. He saw with satisfaction how Chirrut opened then closed his mouth again. When he finished sucking, he placed Chirrut’s hand back on the table. “I wonder what are they doing.”

Chirrut stood up, quickly pushed back Baze’s plate and straddled into his lap with his impish smile. He kissed him pushing his fingers in his hair gripping a thick strand pulling it back hard to make his head lift and could let his tongue deeper inside of his mouth. “You really want to think about that right now?”

They had to reheat the chicken twice that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot tell you how much I love this phrase: “Hello, beautiful!” I think I used it in all my fics…  
> The starbird charm is my other weakness. I hope you can forgive me that.
> 
> And I wonder what are the boys are doing in the camp...


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sweet chap again. Oh, these two boys...

Somebody was shaking his shoulder. “Wake up, wake up!” Bodhi heard through the fog of sleep. He didn’t want to wake up. He opened his eyes a crack. It was still dark. He moaned. It wasn’t time to wake up yet.

He was tired, his mind as the same as his body. They started early in the morning to catch the bus. Baze came with Cas to pick him up to rush through the still empty city to the school. The bus left at seven to arrive about an hour later to the camp. They had time only to put down their bags, change into sport dress and go to the sports hall.

Almost three hundred children together. There were common exercises, then all the teams separated to work together. It was for the team spirit. The teachers and trainers didn’t know that the best time to build the spirit was the time out of trainings: the bus ride, the meals, the pauses and the time before going to bed.

Bodhi and Cassian had always found the way to settle next to Jyn and Leia. They were talking about important things such as comics and fandoms. Bodhi was into Spiderman and Cassian into Batman, all of the girls were for Wonder Woman. Of course. They discussed the latest movies, music, and unofficial skateboard fields.

All of this was too much for a day he only wanted to sleep. “No.” he groaned but the shaking didn’t stop. Whoever did it, Bodhi already hated him.

“Come on, wake up!” he realised it was Cassian. He was supposed to _sleep_ in the bunk above  him, in one of the boys room for ten. “We are going to the girls!” his eyes split open as he sat up as a spring. He wasn’t sleepy any more.

“To the girls?” whispered Steve, another boy from the team. “Can we come, too?”

Cassian’s body tensed as he looked at him. “Let them come!” said Bodhi on a low voice, folding out himself from the duvet. Cassian shrugged.

“Tobey, Tobey, wake up.” Steve slid next to his friend. “We are going to the girls!”

“What for?” Tobey protested on a drowsy voice. “I want to sleep!”

“Shut up and get out of the bed!” Steve tried to drag him out that turned into a fight as Tobey rolled the blanket around him. The room started to wake.  

“Be quiet and move if you want to come.” whispered Cassian urging. Steve pulled out finally his friend under the blanket and they quickly moved out to the corridor, Tobey still rubbing his eyes. Bodhi pulled himself smaller as it was much cold outside compared to the room.

“Which door?” he asked. “They are at least in a dozen of different rooms.”

Cassian flashed a cunning smile and winked. “I know which one. Follow me.” After looking around cautiously on the corner, Cassian stepped in front of the fifth door on the left and knocked. The door opened first slightly than completely and they stepped into heaven.

At least Bodhi thought heaven could be something like that . A room for ten, filled with almost forty girls in pajamas or nightdress. There were some other boys from the other rooms who arrived earlier, so all the bunks and the floor were full. They cheered up in union when they entered.

Cassian fought their ways through the bodies and limbs to climb up to one of the beds, next to Jyn. Bodhi had to step over a jock from the football team to settle between a girl from the volleyball team and Leia. And it was too much. His thighs touched the thigh of the other girl and his side was pressed against Leia’s. His face was burning like his whole body.

He saw that Leia’s mouth is moving.”Huh?” he asked very wisley.

“I thought that you were sleeping.” repeated Leia.

“Yeah. Well, I was. But now, I’m not.” Bodhi said but he wondered if he might was actually still sleeping and dreaming.

“You trained so hard today. You gave all your strength. You were so focused.” “Really? You think?” Bodhi asked looking up to Leia. His heart was pounding hard. _ Leia was watching him. _

He blinked.

Leia smiled.

His brain started to work telling him that she was probably waiting for something more. “Oh…”

Nothing. His mind was blank.

“...oh…” he tried hard to think. “...your new show is kind of awesome. When you throw that girl up in the air.”

Leia let out a small laugh. “You like it? We've been practicing it for a month, but it’s not ready yet.” she smiled at him. “We’re preparing the show for the homecoming. Probably we will repeat it on the last match of the baseball team as well.”

“Great. Can’t wait to see!” 

A bottle of wine was passing amongst them and it reached Leia. “You want some?” she offered.

Bodhi just shrugged. “I don’t know.” He had never drank any alcohol before. Leia took a sip and coughed. She reached the bottle to him and Bodhi tasted the drink. It was better than he thought, bitter and dry but somehow sweet at the same time. He took a second sip, just in case, than passed it on.

“What about that Wonder Woman mania you all have?” he asked by his own surprise.

“Oh, come on! She is  _ awesome _ ! She is strong, independent, stands out for herself and for others.” gestured Leia with both hands and Bodhi’s fear of maintaining a conversation with a girl slowly faded away in the next twenty minutes. He was in the middle of a story about a prank he did to Cassian when the door split open and one of the trainers stepped in.

“What’s going on here?” he asked and he casually stepped away from the first girls and boys fleeing away. “I want everybody in his or her bed in a minute” he added fighting with his smile. The room bursted up. Girls were screaming, feet were clomping, bed creaking as everybody jumped up trying to escape. Bodhi saw from the corner of his eyes Cassian and Jyn running out in the opposite direction where the room actually was. He also noticed Tobey. It seemed he finally figured out why they came to the girls, because he pulled a cheerleader girl with him to disappear together in the corridor.

Leia jumped up reaching her hand and Bodhi grabbed it. She pulled him up, led him out the door to the staircase and up. Bodhi wanted to protest. Their room was in the other direction and definitely didn’t have to climb stairs to get there, but than he thought better and just followed Leia without a word.

A door stopped them at the top. Bodhi rounded Leia to push it open and they stepped out to the flat rooftop. It was icy-cold outside. The wind caught in their pajamas and Bodhi felt that his feet would froze to the tar. Leia was shivering next to him, just as he did, so he instinctively wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t pull away.  _ She didn’t pull away! _

Leia rose her head and looked up to the night sky. Bodhi followed her gaze...and it was amazing. Stars everywhere. He’d never seen so many stars before. On the one hand, in the city they were hardly visible due to the lights, on the other hand he had no reason to look up at the night sky. With his buddies this never was in the spotlight of discussion, they had never did stargazing together. For obvious reasons, his uncle never thought about showing them.

However, Bodhi had a faint memory of his uncle talking about constellations in theory. He had nothing to lose. He cleared his throat  pointing up to the left side of the sphere. “Look, there is the Jedi, the sister star of Jedha. There!”

“That shiny one?” asked Leia.

“Yeah.” answered Bodhi more firm as he was, because apart from its existence, he had not the slightest idea where the Jedi was. “And there,” he pointed to another random place on the sky “There is the Venadia, the light of beauty.” he said.

“Where?” asked Leia and she pushed herself closer.

“I can’t see it…” said Bodhi on a shaky voice.  _ Because your beauty overshines it _ , he wanted to add, but he couldn’t. It would had been too daring.

Leia turned in his arms facing him. “Because of me?” she asked. Bodhi nodded and with that nod he totally lost control of the upcoming events. Leia was in his arms, body pressed against body, her eyes were sparkling, her scent was stupefying, her lips were close, too close and Bodhi find himself closing the gap and touching their lips together and Leia’s mouth opened and his mouth opened and somehow their lips started to move, tasting the other and Leia’s tongue brushed his lips and his tongue brushed her teeth and their tongues touched and tangled and their teeth knocked and they were... _ kissing _ .

It was still cold outside but his skin was burning, his body was on fire.  _ They were kissing. _

When they parted, Leia laughed embarrassed with an adorable flush on her cheeks. Bodhi was grinning like a fool at her. “We should go back.” whispered Leia. Bodhi nodded and boldly kissed her again.

Later, after they went back down, he sneaked in the room and slid under his blanket, only then he felt he was quivering, his teeth chattering from cold. Cassian appeared in his field of vision, hanging down with his torso from the upper bed. Bodhi saw, even in the dark, he was grinning wide. “So? Was it worth passing to the girls?” he asked.

Bodhi let out a long but happy sigh.  Who cared if his legs were frost-nipped? Who cared if he caught a cold? Who cared if the world came to an end the next day?  “Yeah. It was.”

Cassian reached down his hand and they knocked their fists together. Cassian watched him for one more moment, still grinning, then pulled back himself up to his bed. Bodhi couldn’t fall asleep for a long time.


	12. Chapter 12

Chirrut’s touch was cool and soothing on his forehead, he missed it when it was gone. “Your temperature dropped back to normal today.” he said still on a worried voice.

“I’ve just a small sore throat.” confirmed Bodhi.

“Just a small?” asked Chirrut gently, giving him the mug with hot tea that smelled red fruits, lemon and honey. “Are you sure you want to go to school tomorrow?”

“Yes, no problem.” said Bodhi wriggling to make place next to him. “I don’t want to fall behind.”

Chirrut plopped down to the couch where Bodhi passed the last two days after he returned from the camp, curled up under a blanket in pajama, watching TV, playing on his laptop and scrolling his phone. “I really appreciate your efforts you put in your studies - but are you sure this has nothing to do with a certain girl named Leia? With whom you were texting all week-end? Who, in some mysterious way, also caught a cold?” Chirrut asked from the corner of the room with an innocent face. “She would still be madly in love with you, even if you don’t see each other for a school day, I’m sure.”

Bodhi sipped from the tea and took a better look of his uncle. He was even more cheerful and somehow more easy going than usual. In the past two days he was constantly smiling to himself, stroked his hair and patted his shoulder more often. But than, Bodhi was sick, so he deserved extra cuddles and he might just wanted his uncle to be happy. He sighed. “Ok. How do you do it?”

“What?” raised Chirrut his brow.

“How do you know that me and Leia...that we…” Bodhi was gesturing helplessly. What can he say instead of the word kissing? “...that something has happened between us…?”

“Oh,” Chirrut elbowed him. “it’s written on your face!”

“Old joke.” he smiled anyway.

“Still works.” laughed Chirrut impishly. “ _ And _ you just confirmed it!” he clapped his hands triumphantly. Bodhi sipped his tea again, contemplating if he should say more. As he didn’t get any reply Chirrut became serious. “If you have questions about  _ anything _ , I’m always here for you.”

“Please!” Bodhi said desperately palming his face. “Don’t start again with the bees and the birds.  _ Please _ !”

“No, I won’t.” patted Chirrut his leg. “We already had that conversation and I think you got the point. Still…”

“Still what?” moaned Bodhi. “The part with the banana was even too...expressive, I would say.”

Chirrut grinned with all of his teeth. “It was, wasn’t it?” He paused for a moment. “What I wanted to say, is…” he shifted his weight to face Bodhi who waited for something serious to come. Whenever his uncle simulated an eye contact, he wanted to be more convincing, as for him it didn’t mean any difference. “...sometimes we feel the pressure to make the next step, but sweetheart, there is no rush. There is no point to do something just to … be over it. It worth to wait for that one, precious moment with that unique someone.”

Bodhi turned the mug in his hand narrowing his eyes. Seriously. How did his uncle know every time what was bothering him? Most of the time he even knew the things Bodhi just scratched the surface of. “Yes, you’re right. No rush.” he looked up to his uncle’s questioning face. He couldn’t articulate more words as he didn’t really know what he wanted to say, so he just shrugged.

Chirrut opened his mouth to tell something but Bodhi’s phone buzzed and he took it in his hand immediately. “Righty-right, I leave you two alone.” Chirrut reached out to cup his face before standing up and for a moment all the love of his heart for his nephew was written on his face.

Bodi checked his phone while Chirrut turned back to whatever university stuff he was doing on his laptop. The message came from Cassian.

 

[Are you going to meet with Leia after school tomorrow?]

[I guess.]

[It doesn’t sound like you're very excited.]

[We are going to meet. We’ve just texted.]

[I just thought you are much more into her.]

 

Bodhi sighed. 

 

[I think.]

[You said you were kissing!!!]

[Yes, we did.]

[So? That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? She is your crush, right?]

 

Bodhi stared at the screen. He didn't understand it either. This was what he wanted. To kiss Leia. But now he wasn't so sure. The kiss felt good, very good, even amazing....but shouldn’t he feel more? Different? Butterflies in his stomach, brass-band playing in his ears and fireworks behind his closed eyelids - that was what everybody told about kissing. When you are in love there supposed to be sunshine and rainbows everywhere, the whole world pink, birds singing on the trees with flying unicorns on the sky. Exactly how his uncle looked like when Mr. Malbus was around. His twinkles, his lingering touches, his small hitches of air, the way he bit his lip. Exactly how Cassian looked like. His sparkling eyes, his suspiciously confident smile, his short but warm touch. 

 

How can he put all his doubts in a short text? He sighed.

 

[How do you know when you are in love with someone?]

 

A firm message came quickly. 

 

[You just know it.]

 

But how? How? What was the sign?

 

[How do you know it?]

 

This time he had to wait longer for the answer. It finally arrived with a definite buzz.

 

[You want to be all the time with that person,

You want to protect that person,

You want to share kisses and more,

Because you can’t stop thinking about that person.

And most of all you are happy only when that person is happy,

Because that person is more important than yourself.

That’s love.]

 

This answer didn’t help Bodhi, it just made him more confused.

  
  
  


************************************************

  
  


The engine was quietly humming at the red light. Christmas was almost there so traffic jam everywhere. Cas asked him to pick him up at the Erso villa to shake hand with Galen Erso. It was just a short small talk but enough to make a good impression on the father of the girl and get Cas a green light to laze around Jyn. The villa was in the middle of downtown and Baze couldn’t wait to get out of that traffic, even if that meant he had to say goodbye to Cassian for the day. Finally the light changed but the line of the cars just slightly moved.

“So how about you and Jyn? How are you doing together?” Baze asked. In the last two weeks, since the sports camp, they met a lot and Baze had some ideas what were they doing in Jyn’s room before the parents arrived.

Cassian shrugged. “Good, very good.” he crossed his arms in front of his chest with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Ok.” Baze nodded with some kind of pride he knew was inappropriate to feel, yet he couldn’t do anything about it. He remembered very well to the time when he was in the same age as Cassian was now. They couldn’t have been more different with Larisha, however in this matter they were very much the same. His heart ached every time he was thinking about that. He missed those times when his little sis sneaked in his room at night and they shared everything, even their experiences about love and embracing their desires about, well, boys. But that was long ago. That was before Larisha let things out of control and way before she met with...her husband.

He shook off the memories. Anyway,  Cassian inherited this blood, his blood and in this case his blood could mean only one thing.  “I hope you are responsible, kiddo,“ he added on a serious voice “and you use…”

“Gross!” protested Cassian unfolding his arms, looking alarmed. “Stop! Of course I do, just stop! Jee!”

“Alright, alright! Just making sure!” suppressed his laugh Baze.

“Ok, now you know it! Will you just stop please?” Cassian stared out of the window redder than a beet. Baze fought back his smile but let Cassian time to recover and searched for some music. “Can we do something on Saturday?” Cassian asked after a longer silence. “Maybe we could go bowling.”

“Saturday?” Baze grip hardened on the steering wheel. “I thought….Larisha told me that they want to spend this week-end with you.”

Cassian huffed. “Yeah. Right until they got that party invitation or what. Now, I’m free to go and do whatever I want.” he shrugged. “But if you have already something scheduled, it’s okay. It’s a short notice. I know that you have to run the business. I will just watch movies on your big screen and won’t disturb you.”

“I have… I have a date…” said Baze apologetically.

“A  _ date _ ?” Cassian sat straight up. “You have  _ a date _ ?” he repeated in disbelief.

Baze focused on the right turn, maneuvering between two cars stuck in the way. “Yeah, but it’s ok, kiddo. I can cancel it and we can go to that...what was it bowling? It’s not that important, I can reschedule it.”

Cassian was staring at him while Baze kept his eyes on the road. “You’ve never  _ dated _ since I can remember, which is at least ten years! It must be important.”

“No, it’s really not! I’ll reschedule it.” Baze looked at him shaking his head and pulling up his shoulder.

“Don’t!” Cassian gave him a dismissive blink. “Baze, I truly wish this  _ date _ to be important to you as much as for miste…” he covered the last word with a cough. “...for the other guy! Don’t worry about me, I’ll figure out something.”

They crossed the north side of the city in silence to turn left at the last bigger intersection and make the zig zags on the small roads of the shabby residential zone. There were no Christmas decorations on the streets here, only a few windows and occasionally a house was covered in lights as if even the holiday avoided this neighborhood. The naked trees and frozen concrete made it look more neglected as it truly was.

Baze stopped the Hummy in front of the house which was darker than any other houses in the street. “Why don’t you do something with Bodhi on Saturday?”

“He’ going to sleep at one of his other friends. I don’t want to be the third wheel.” he shrugged. “I said don’t worry about me.” Cassian added more firmly.

“Why don’t you take Jyn to watch a movie? Here, I give you some money.” he prompted.

“Yeah, perhaps.” he didn’t reach for the bills Baze was holding out for him. “I still have money you gave me earlier.”

“It’s ok. Take it! You can go and eat something after the movie.”

“Baze, it’s at least five hundred dollars!” Cassian’s voice was sharp. “What do you think? We are going to eat at Le Bernardin? Shit!” he jumped out of the car. “You don’t have to pump me with your money!” he spitted out the words and slammed the door to go to the house without looking back. Baze let out a long sigh, closed his eyes and thumped his head against the seat. It was one of those difficult days with Cassian. Almost five months passed without any serious incident, but this tranquility was still very fragile. Dating was a bad idea anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic supposed to be ready till Xmas - that’s why I mention it so many times.... As I’m constantly adding more details...it was just impossible to finish it, as you can see, and we are already in the middle of January…


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be slower as I don’t have as much time as during the holidays. But don’t worry, I keep writing.
> 
> WARNING: they make out again - you can skip the fourth part (but still worth to read the last paragraph of it).

Gok, bam, fa-thud, shwap. The sounds of the game filled his head. He was losing and couldn’t do anything about it. No surprise, Streetfighter wasn’t his game. He didn’t have more tokens left and wasn’t in the mood to buy some so he just strolled around to watch others play.

“Hi, Cassian! I didn’t know you were here!” Jyn was slurping milkshake from a paper cup and smiled at him behind the straw with some other kids from the school around her. “We need one more player in our team. Are you in?”

A challenge. “Which game?” he started but the ringtone of his phone cut in two his words. He took it out from his pocket and glared in disbelief at the screen. It was  _ that _ number. He had to answer.

“Cassian!” the deep voice said as soon as he rose the phone to his ear. “Be at the rail bridge at midnight.”

“Tonight?” asked back Cassian glancing at Jyn.

“It’s eight more hours away. More than enough for you and your pretty girlfriend.”

Cassian spinned around to scan the mall. They were there and if they saw him and Jyn, he could spot them out as well. He was right. Two guys were standing on the other side, dressed in biker boots and jacket, with helmets in their hands. Too far to reach them and teach them how to mind their own businesses. “Leave her out of this!” he hissed.

“Be at the rail bridge at midnight and  _ maybe _ we’ll leave her out of this.” the line cut and the guys quickly disappeared in the madness of the Christmas shopping.

“Who were those men?” asked Jyn on a much more serious voice than Cassian had assumed for her sixteen years.

“Don’t worry about them.”

“Do you want me to punch them in the face?” she asked. Cassian looked at her with surprise, but her expression told him that she really would have done it if he had asked for it.

“No, I don’t want you to punch them in the face.” he frowned. “So which game?” Jyn scanned once more the crowd for the men than turn around to show him the consol.

  
  


**************************************

  
  


Dating was a bad idea. This thought had been lingering in his head since he parted from Cassian two days ago. However, when the reception called in, informing that his guest arrived, his heart lighted up immediately. In the last month, they’d met several times for a lunch or a coffee, but that was only the third time they could arrange to sleep together. His body was aching for Chirrut, this wasn’t a big surprise. What was strange, is that his heart was longing too, if it could only beat steadily if the other man’s heart was next to it. That was a very distracting feeling.

At that moment he was bouncing on his feet on his front yard looking at the corner where the cab should appear with Chirrut. He couldn’t wait for the car to stop, for the door to open to close Chirrut finally in his arms to kiss him hot and strong. “I missed you!” he whispered in his mouth.

“That’s what I call a warm welcome!” breathed Chirrut against the skin of his neck where he buried his face.

“Let’s get inside!” Baze guided him just to keep their bodies close. Chirrut didn’t show much interest for the location of the rooms or the furnitures and other equipments, they quickly settled next to the kitchen island. “So, you promised that you cook for me tonight.” Chirrut grinned with anticipation.

“Yes, and I’ll do it in french style.”

“French style?”

“Yeap.” Baze answered placing two glasses on the counter and pulling out the cork from a bottle. “First step is to drink some wine. Glass on your right.” he put down the bottle and took up his glass sniffing the drink.

“Oh, I already feel I can grow to like this french style.” he raised his glass. “What should we drink to?”

“To us!” said Baze on a low voice.

“To us!” Chirrut repeated the words with a smile, took a sip than reached for Baze. He stepped in his open arms and bent down to kiss him, cupping the back of his head, taking his time, slow and leisurely. He savored every hitch of Chirrut’s breath, his soft moans as he deepened the kiss, delving inside in smooth in rhythmic sweeps. When they parted they were both a little bit dizzy. Chirrut’s face bloomed once again into that wonderful expression that made Baze’s heart thump wilder. He fitted so perfectly in his arms that he had to close his eyes to endure all the emotions overrunning him.

“You know, you already cooked me, Baze. You should concentrate on the dinner.”

“I should.” Baze thumbed his cheekbone. “At the same time, we have the whole night.” he said and slowly traced Chirrut’s lips with his fingers to place another kiss on them. Chirrut pulled him closer by his T-shirt. After the kiss he unfolded himself from the embrace, unwillingly. “Tonight is tortilla night!” he announced.

“That’s not very french.” Chirrut pouted.

“The style is french, not the food. I am a bachelor, so I make bachelor food.”

“Than what is the food I make? Single-man-with-a-kid food?” straightened up Chirrut.

“No, your food it’s mind blowing! I already told you.” Baze’s voice was mild. He watched as Chirrut took another sip than turned back to the counter to start to mix together the ingredients. The night was just getting started and Chirrut’s skin was already pinking at the neckline from the wine. 

  
  
  


************************

 

The air was stinking from waste gas and petrol. The walls of the multilevel garage echoed the roar of the engines. The mismatched coloured Ford and its wordless driver took him to one of the largest parking lot of the city center. An indoor race from the lowest level to the top floor Concrete pillars, hard walls and narrow passages. Parking cars. Ramps and slopes.

The usual audience. Bored, rich kids with heavy golden chains around their neck pretending to be a gangsta’. Gamblers. Women with long legs in high hill shoes. Owners of the race cars in suits with bodyguards next to them. Members of the high society having some fun. Hookers chasing new clients. Criminals. Drivers. Faces of the night.

Krennic’s immaculate, white suite gave a strong contrast to the dirty grey background. Cassian walked closer with steady steps. One of the hunks blocked his way putting two fingers on his chest. They were almost thicker than his arm. Cassian kept the eye contact but the man didn’t really cared. “You have to wait.” he said without any more explanation. About ten minutes later he reached to his earphone, nodded than stepped out of the way and gestured behind his back. Cassian was free to go to Krennic.

“Evening Mr. Krennic!”

“My dear Cassian!” he greeted him putting his hand on his shoulder. Cassian fighted back the urge to shake it off. “I’m sorry, I made you wait.”

“No problem, sir.”

“Good boy.” snarled Krennic showing his front teeth. “Here is your ride for today.” he swung his arm around broadly to point forward. The crowd parted by magic and Cassian saw the most beautiful car he could ever imagine. A metal grey Jaguar F type. Not the most expensive but one of the fastest. He couldn’t suppress a “Wow!”

“You like it?” asked Krennic pulling him in a half embrace, than he tapped his chest. “Than drive it!”

Cassian took his time rounding the car admiring a bit the streamlined body, the rims, the shape of the lamps and sat inside. He traced the seat and the panel, than gripped the small, sporty wheel. He felt like a  pilot and smiled to himself feeling a bit foolish. He turn the key in the ignition. The car started up with a loud roar, he gave gas and laughed with the deep bass of the engine.

He sighed and relaxed into the shell of the seat. Suddenly a cold shiver creeped his way up along his spine. Something was out of ordinary. He checked everything he could. Breaks, oil level, backlash of the steering wheel, all the signals. Everything seemed to be fine. He looked out to Krennic who emerged in a discussion with a man in a snakeskin coat and he finally understood what was bothering him.

Krennic always told him ‘Win this for me!’. Cassian didn’t hear that from him that night. “I have a bad feeling about this.” he murmured to himself clenching his fists in his lap.

_ Just two more races. This one and the next one and I’ll have the money I need. Enough money to buy the bus tickets, rent a room in a far away city for a year, buy food and the basic stuffs. I will find something to work and stand on my own feet. Two more races and I can leave Jedha behind me. This is the best I can do for Baze. And Bodhi. Two more races and finally I can disappear. I won’t be a burden any more. Just two more races _ .

He slowly rolled to the sketchily painted starting position.A solid black Honda was standing next to him with a good driver he knew from previous races. Good but not better. She looked back at him and winked. A flag girl walked in front of them swaying her hip in hot pants and high hill boots for the show.  _ Why are they always blonde?  _ There was no time to think about that as she rose high the scarf in her hand.

  
  


**********************************

  
  


What a difference can a month make between two people. Baze let himself completely lost in the sight as Chirrut let his desires take control over him. In the past weeks he lowered his walls and Baze could see him in a way other people couldn’t. Surely there were  others before, but this, that night was only for him.

Baze was sitting on the bed leaning against the headboard and wasn’t able to do anything else just watch as Chirrut slid down inch by inch on him. He braced himself on Baze’s shoulders, took a moment and slowly started  _ to move _ chasing his own pleasure. Baze let out a long guttural moan. He needed all of his self control to not to explode merely from the naked lust of the man in his arms.

He kept his eyes wide open. He didn’t want to miss any moment, any twitch of Chirrut’s muscles, any drop of sweat running down on his skin, any luscious expression of his face. He drank in every inhale of breath, every moans and sighs, every sound of their colliding bodies. He admired the feel of all the warm skin in front of him. He stroked his hands down Chirrut’s chest, framing his ribs to never erase this from his memory.

Chirrut bent down to trace his lips with his, to rub his cheek against his face, against his beard, to dig his fingers in his hair, smoothly than harshly than tenderly again. Baze knew he wanted not just to kiss him but to  _ see _ him and even that was  _ too damn good _ .

“Chirrut!” he whispered against the soft skin behind Chirrut’s ear. “What if I tell you how many times I’ve thought about you coming on me? If I tell you how much I love when you lose control because of me?” Chirrut moaned at his words, desperate and arousing at the same time. Baze was close, so close, and any thrust could send him over the edge. He slipped his hands under Chirrut’s tights to hitch him up. “I’ve got you Chirrut, and I’m going to give you everything you need, everything you want...”

“I want it, Baze...” he whimpered with urgency, voice tight, almost painful. “...give me everything!” Baze kissed him hard pushing his tongue as deep as he could, than roughly  turned them over and thrusted hard, with all of his weight and full power, inside Chirrut. He let out a choked cry than another and another one as Baze pushed again and again inside him.

Baze was clinging to his sanity only with his fingertips. He was nothing more than a tool for Chirrut’s pleasure and he didn’t want nothing more  just to be taken. The world caught on fire around them as Chirrut was trembling, shivering and falling apart under him with loud cries until it became impossible to hold back himself against the pulsing body around him. With a final, cruel thrust he fused with Chirrut to dissolve together in the endless Universe.

The first sign that they weren’t one body and soul anymore was Chirrut’s spicy and salty scent in his nostrils. The smoothness of his neck under his lips and his warm skin under his body. They slowly came down from ecstasy together, kissing clumsily. Baze knew his body didn’t want to let Chirrut go and his heart never wanted it, either. It was real. So much real, for him and for Chirrut, too. He bent down to kiss Chirrut’s chest above his heart, right next to the bronze starbird charm he wore there.

  
  


**********************************************

  
  


The race started with jarring wheels and the rushing adrenaline made light Cassian’s head, tensed his muscles,  sharpened his eyes and steadied his hands. After the stalling at the starting line the Honda blazed through the level and reached first the slope. Cassian steadily improved his position to fourth by the second level following the Aston Martin. If he wanted to get to the front he had to figure out something.

Three car was in front of him, six behind. He heard the echoes of multiple engines even through the blare of  _ his _ Jaguar.  _ Good girl _ . He glanced on the side where and old SUV parked. Who said they had to follow the main path? He pulled the wheel aside and crossed the parking area passing round other parking cars. Be fast to be first, he pushed on the gas even in the curve and he lightly grazed the edge of the wall at the next slope. The collision throw a bit the car, but he cut the Aston Martin off. Cassian breathed out slowly. He was the third.

They were driving almost side by side with the metal green Zenvo. Weather his nose, whether the Zenvo’s nose was ahead as they dodged the pillars left and right.  _ C’mon baby girl, show your strength. _ He stepped on the gas. A badly parking Lexus was in the way .  _ What an asshole!  _ He had to put on the break but the speed didn’t drop. He hitched the air and pushed himself deeper in the seat.  _ Shit!  _ He pumped the pedal again and again, harder and in the last moment it worked so he could jump behind the Zenvo. There was no time to gather himself as the Honda at the front ran on something Cassian couldn’t see, flipped up in the air, landed on its side and slid further.

He pulled the wheel on the left, falling against the door and pushed the break to took the slope to the next level. He didn’t see what happened to the turned aside car and its driver. Cassian could only hope that she was all right. Now it was only the Zenvo in front of him. He was the second. The vibrato ran through his hands, arms up to his shoulders as he increased the speed. The Zenvo was fast and the driver bold, even reckless. Time was running out.

He was sure as hell he wasn't taking his foot off of the gas. He could still catch the Zenvo. All he needed was a tiny little space. Space to spring out. He passed on the right side of the green car. For a moment he saw a dragon tattoo running up on the drivers left arm, an earring glittering in his ear under his short, brown hair. He almost pinched Cassian against the wall. He rounded it from the other side with a grimace and stepped on it again.

A speed bump from nowhere dropped the first wheels in the air. When they touched ground again he pushed the brake. He wanted to snatch the steering wheel to evade the fast approaching wall... but the break didn’t work. Again. Cassian looked down to his feet, alarmed, and slammed on the pedal again. By miracle, it caught back the speed. Even if it was too late.

The wall hit the front left side of the Jaguar and pushed it in the middle of the road pressing Cassian into the seat. The two on-coming cars tried to avoid him and failed. The impact was hard and cruel. The crash seemed to take forever as adrenaline coarse through Cassian’s body. The car rolled over. The noise of the metal being bashed over the concrete was almost deafening and the lights swirling like crazy Giant Wheels suddenly went out. Everything turned into silence, there was no other sound but the hiss of a spinning tyre.

  
  
  


*********************************

 

Baze woke with a start in the middle of the night. His eyes snapped open and he stared into the darkness. Something was wrong. Utterly wrong. His heart was beating in a furious rhythm before memory flooded in and he realized where he was. His sudden move made Chirrut stir, too, but didn’t woke him up entirely. Baze stilled evening his breath and slowly felt Chirrut’s body go limp again.

Was it a nightmare? No, he couldn’t catch any image from his dream. He listened carefully but could hear only the usual sounds of the resting house and Chirrut’s steady breathing. Maybe he forgot to do something important and it alerted him even in his sleep? No, he couldn’t recall anything like that. Still. Something was wrong.   

He looked down to the warm bundle of muscles curled against his side. Chirrut nestled on his chest and was light in his arms, so full of light even in his sleep. For a moment the pressure in his chest eased. Every night could be like that. Every day.  He wanted it. He wanted it so much. Was dating a bad idea?

He blew out slowly the air and pulled a little closer Chirrut who rubbed his face against his chest searching a comfortable position. Baze closed his eyes but the bad feeling did not let him fall asleep for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Which is my favorite quote here? Any guesses?


	14. Chapter 14

Cassian barely had time to realise what had happened before the airbags knocked him back and sideways. Bloody taste filled his mouth. His eyelids fluttered shut and for a moment he thought he is at home, in his room, in his bed, because it was so dark. But if he was in his bed why that odd chugging and clanking sound? Why the pain?  _ Shit _ ! Where did the pain come from? Hands came on his arms, on his body, strong grip, pulling, yanking, dragging him out and away. The pain bloomed out in his whole chest and his head wanted to explode. It came back to him. He was at an illegal car race and he just smashed his unregulated car.

Game over.

Blurred voices reached his ears.

“He’s breathing.”

“He seems to be ok. Pull him on his feet!”

“Are you okay, boy? Speak to me!”

Cassian understood that he had to stand up, he understood that he should say something, anything, but his body didn’t want to cooperate.

He was dragged up and carried. His legs somehow picked up the pace. “It’s okay boy, it’s just a scratch. You’ll be fine! It’s just the shock, boy.” By the time they reached the roof level, he was somewhat conscious and the pain concentrated in one point. His left side was pulsing and throbbing, making painful every breath he took.

He was pushed down to a concrete traffic barrier. “You survived!” he heard an almost marvelling voice. He looked up and his vision slowly cleared out. Krennic was standing in front of him, bending slightly to explore his face but kept the distance to not to get dirt on his clothes. “Good boy!” he added like Cassian was his favorite pet. Maybe he was.

“I’m sorry Mr. Krennic!” Cassian stuttered. “The Jaguar…” he swallowed. “I crashed the Jaguar.” he couldn't find his voice. “The break…wasn’t working…”

Krennic stepped closer and with a handkerchief, he pulled out from his pocket, he reached under his chin to tilt Cassian’s head up. “I know, I know.” He stared long into his eyes, observantly while Cassian was catching for air, wrapping his arms around his ribs. There was no smile on Krennic’s face and he looked almost handsome. “Don’t worry about that. You’ll get your money next week, as usual.” Cassian let out a groan and Krennic let his chin go, turning to somebody out of Cassian’s view. “Don’t you see he is in pain? Put him in a car and drop him out in front of a hospital. Move!” he turned on his heels and walked away.

Cassian was dragged up again and iron hands dropped him on the backseat of a car, his coat after him. He felt safe enough to close his eyes, only for a minute, because somebody shook his shoulder. “Hey, boy! Wake up!”

“His name’s Cassian, I think.” added another voice. He opened his eyes to face two guys he had never seen before.

“I really don’t want to throw you out to the asphalt. Can you walk inside?” one of them asked without any sympathy.

“And what will you do if he cannot? You want to carry him in your arms?” the other chuckled.

“Shut up, asshole! He’s just a kid.”

“Where should I walk in?” Cassian sat up carefully.

The guy pointed out the window and Cassian followed with his gaze. “There.” They were at the a hospital. How did they get there, he wondered but nodded, crawled out of the car and ambled inside.

He didn’t have to wait for long, there weren’t many patient at the ambulance at that late hour of the night. He said to the doctors that he was eighteen and got in a fight and they didn’t push for more explanation. He was quickly checked and it turned out that he got away with only some scratches. He had no concussion. One of his ribs cracked, he was given painkillers. His split skin was disinfected. The doctor told him to rest as much as he could and to not get in any more trouble. Two hours later he was out on the street again.

It was cold as on the dark side of the moon above. He huddled inside his coat, grateful to Baze, who bought it for him. As he walked home, he scanned through the events of the night. The brake didn’t work, he was certain of that. He ran over that speed bump he didn’t see coming at all, which pushed him out in front of the other cars and they slammed into him. The Jaguar smashed into smithereens. Krennic wasn’t angry, though, he was rather surprised that Cassian was alive.

He didn’t believe, not even for a moment, that Krennic would give a dime for his life. That could mean only one thing, Krennic bet against him. He didn’t want him to win that night. Cassian looked up to the sky. Just one more race. That was all he needed. One more. Maybe he should ask a double price next time. He was sure Krennic would agree.

It was dawn when he reached his parent’s house, dark and silent. He warily opened the door, slid up and inside his room and fall asleep in his clothes.

  
  


****************************

  
  


“What happened?” it was at least the fifth time Bodhi asked this question from Cassian. First, he asked it when he saw him on the bus, than when they went inside, between classes and now. Cassian always brushed him off with some excuse: ‘not now’, ‘we have to go to class’, and so. But now, they were sitting in the far end of the canteen, he had nowhere to go, he had to reply.

“Nothing.” he was glowering at his french fries as though they had done something wrong.

“Nothing? That’s what you call nothing?” Bodhi was worried. Cassian’s face was full of bruises and he had a black-eye. Bodhi couldn’t imagine what had happened. In fact, he could imagine it, oh, very much he could, but he hoped that his imagination was more terrible than reality.

Cassian shrugged. “I got in a fight.” he said surrendered.

“At the weekend? Where?” leaned closer Bodhi.

“At the mall.” he shrugged again, “It’s not a big deal.” he added fidgeting with the food. “I survived worse beatings than this.”

“What happened?”

“The usual.” he was examining a very special piece of frie.

Bodhi didn’t know what was the usual but didn’t push for it. He had seen Cassian several times dancing on that thin line when he fired up. At those occasions he was able hold himself back. It seemed this weekend he just wasn’t. “You could have told me!”

“What for?” his voice was sad. With his shoulders hunched Bodhi saw him fragile for the first time.

“I don't know. We could have met or you could have came over or something.” Cassian didn’t reply. “Does it hurt?” he reached out to trace with his fingers one of the bruises. Cassian closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, leaned into Bodhi’s palm. For a moment Bodhi cupped his face tenderly. It seemed that moment stretched like caramel.

Bodhi narrowed his eyes. The touch, the warmth of Cassian’s face, the sensation on his skin was so strange yet so familiar, scary yet the best thing in the world. The moment passed and in the next Cassian slammed open his eyes and Bodhi saw the flame of anger, rage and bitterness rising in them. The warm-brown puppy eyes turned into yellow, swirling eyes of a trapped tiger. Cassian snapped his hand away. “What are you doing?” he hissed. Bodhi flinched and pulled back his hand. “Why don’t you go and sit with your girlfriend?”

“I want to stay with you.” Bodhi whispered and swallowed the dry ball in his throat.

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Cassian shouted. Bodhi looked right into those bestial eyes from which he read something he was scared to phrase. Cassian jumped up, gathered his bag with jerky moves and walked away. Bodhi was dumbstruck.

He sat there and didn’t move. He waited. Cassian came back after a good twenty minutes with two sodas in his hands. “I’m an asshole!” he placed the drinks between them, still standing at the other side of the table.

“You are.” Bodhi reached for the can with a soft smile. Apology accepted.

  
  
  


***************************************

  
  
  


The titan, as he called  _ his _ skyscraper under construction, became a monster. Every day new challenges emerged that needed a solution. In fact, he enjoyed it, except that it took him away from other projects. Baze was so wrapped up in thinking about his business that he noticed Cassian only when he opened the door and climbed up into the seat.

“Hello, Baze.” he offered and stared out of the windshield. The collar of his coat was pulled up high and a black baseball hat shielded half of his face, Baze could still clearly see his swollen cheek. His good mood was gone in an instance and the  the nagging sense of unease that ate at him all weekend returned. Without a word, without greeting back Cassian, he pulled the Hummy out from the parking lot and headed home.

In the house he slammed his keys to the kitchen counter and turned to face Cassian so quickly that it made the boy recoil. They were standing there for a while, Cassian keeping his eyes on the ground. Baze let out a shaky sigh, stepped closer to take off Cassian’s baseball hat and turn both side of his face to the light.

“Take off your coat!” that was the first thing he said since they met and he regretted it at the very same moment. Nonetheless, Cassian put down his bag and placed his coat on one of the chairs. “Have you been injured elsewhere, too?” Cassian shook his head. “Pull up your pullover.” Cassian made a grimace but did what he was told. He pulled up his pullover looking away. Baze growled and Cassian covered himself again. “Will you tell me what happened?”

Cassian shrugged. “I got into a fight.”

“With who?”

“With a guy.”

“Where?”

“At the mall.”

“Kiddo, don’t play with me!” Baze rose his voice just a tiny bit. “What happened?”

Cassian put his hand in the back pocket of his jeans to cover a shrug and the tension rose higher in Baze. “The usual.” he said at last. “He said something, I said something than we were on the ground. I didn’t even know him. The guards came and threw us out.”

“That’s where you got all your bruises? From that guy?” Baze shifted his weight forward.

“Yeah.”

“All of them?”

“Yeah.”

“Even the one on your side?”

Cassian shrugged again and smiled as if Baze was asking something funny. “He was stronger.”

Baze pressed his mouth into a thin white line. “Kiddo, I thought we’ve left this behind.” Cassian smile faded and he found something very interesting on his shoes to inspect. Baze stomach turned over as he watched him.  _ It happened  during the weekend what you spent with Chirrut instead of Cassian. How could you be so stupid? Stupid and selfish. The kid even asked you to be with him! But no, no, you were with somebody else and look what had happened! If you were there for him he would have been safe and not beaten up like a punching bag. _

Baze stepped closer and laid his hands on his shoulders. Cassian’s skinny body and bones were fragile under his palm. “You are better now, kiddo?” Cassian blinked with a heart-broken face. “We should show it to a doctor.”

Cassian shrugged again, heavy, with Baze’s hands on him. “Already did. He said it’s nothing.”

Baze bit his lower lip to eat his words and squeezed his shoulders pulling him toward a chair. “C’mon, sit down. Let’s put some ice on your face!”

“I think it’s too late for that.” Cassian grunted but sit down anyway and held his face up when Baze put the ice wrapped in a cloth against his black-eye. Baze forced a reassuring smile when Cassian glanced back at him.

“Pizza night?” Baze tapped his pockets for his phone putting down the ice he was fidgeting with.

“Sounds good.”

“Pepperoni?”

“Yeap.” this was the first time Cassian’s eyes cheered up, even if just a tiny bit.

While they were waiting for the delivery his nephew occupied himself with switching between channels from the oversized couch and Baze let his gaze wandering on the waves of the vast ocean standing in the far glass wall of the living area, scolding himself.  _ Cassian didn’t get in trouble for a while, he started to finally feel good, to find his place. You’ve just ruined it. It was stupid to think that everything would be okay so soon and let this thing out of your hands. Like Larisha does it all the time.  _ He glanced back at Cassian and the big screen where three cartoon girls were flying in the air of an imaginary world. _ You have to take care of him. This can’t happen again. _

Baze steeled his heart. He knew what he had to do.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAZE NO!

The chirm of the phone was almost inaudible under the buzz of the coffee but Chirrut picked it up immediately. After an indistinct chatter his trainee’s voice came through. “Hush, it’s him! Doctor Imwe you were right, we found something!” Chirrut had to pull away the phone so loudly she yelled in his ears without any greeting.

“What did you find?” he braced himself on his forearm leaning above the table to focus more.

“In the book, you told us to look up, we found a cross-reference to an old text about some kind of sect. We went down to the basement, we have the scroll. It talks about a monastery or temple. Monks, who were Force believers and they worshiped a crystal…”

“We didn’t understand that part…” the other trainee, the young man, threw in “...have you heard about that before?”

“Yes, yes…” Chirrut squeezed his eyes shut rummaging between all the important historical facts, his favorite stories, the useless data and frictions of memories piled up in his brain. “It seems I’ve read about a crystal somewhere.”

“We have to run to class, prof, but we must meet later! You have to tell us what you know about this.” they shouted in the phone cutting in each others word.

“Meet me in my office around four.” the line cut and he leaned back in his chair. He knew it. He knew that the prayer would lead them. The tales the jedhan had told for centuries to their children about warriors and magicians were true. Maybe, maybe they would find the source.

Whisper ran through the café as a spring breeze you can barely feel, yet it leaves tingles in your fingers. Chirrut raised his nose to the door. A deep hum, a warm squeeze on his arm, a light touch of lips, a strong presence in front of him. “Hello! How was your day?” he chirped glowing. Baze had arrived.

They had been seeing each other for almost a month that day. They slept together several times but it wasn’t just about sex. Making love was as if they were meant to be to do that, natural, simple, bodies tangled and caught and held instinctively, but it was more than just that. Chirrut couldn’t grab the edges what was it exactly, but there was that overwhelming urge to always be in the presence of Baze Malbus. 

He couldn’t, he didn’t want to give a name to it but it was there. It was around them, following them when they strolled around in town talking or in silence but always keeping close. It was between them when they had coffee, tea, lunch, dinner or any kind of meal together. It was undulating in the touch of their skin when they met at least every second day. It was evident in their voices when they spoke, even if only just on the phone, every day, because they had so much things to tell. It was in their breath, words, laughs, moves, making shrink the universe to the two of them. He needed every drop of willpower he possessed to keep this under strict reigns, under the light weight of his starbird medal.

“Meeting after meeting, running up and down.” Baze shifted the menu card and asked for a flat white from the waitress who sounded overjoyed. “How was  _ your _ day?” he was squirming on the chair as if it wasn’t comfortable.

“I’ve just had a call from my team. We found a clue that can help us to further understand the mantra.” he was excited and grinned into nothing special. Something shifted. He was really grinning for nothing and nobody. “Are you ok? Something is wrong?” he leaned closer sliding his hand in the middle of the table. No answer came. The large and strong palm didn’t cover his hand. There was no rustle of clothes. No crackle of chair.

“I have to talk with you.” Chirrut pulled his hand back to his lap. “I can’t see you anymore.” Baze’s voice was light counteracting the heaviness of the words that pressed Chirrut hard into the chair. He swallowed to ease the pressure on his chest.

“Can’t or don’t want to?” a blunt question.

“I live a dynamic life. I avoid any relationship that ties and slows me down.” Simple phrasing, any objection would have sounded ungainly. Chirrut closed down his face, closed down his body as much he could, but there was not enough power in the whole universe to close down his heart.

“I wouldn’t want to fit into anything ordinary neither, even if I could.”  

A small puff of air. “I know.” No other sound came from his direction but his voice. As if he wasn’t there. “I mean... I can’t continue this any longer. Chirrut,  _ you are special _ , I should have end it sooner. I have an obligation toward...”

“Special?” his voice wavered dangerously. Special. The word suddenly had a very different meaning than ever before. There had been always plenty of reasons. A life where he couldn’t fit in was one of them. That the reason was actually his blindness, no one had ever told him openly, no one had ever said in his face. Yet it always lingered in the air, cowered behind the words and oozed through the rejections. An almost invisible, sticky cobweb.

It hurt. As much as asking for assistance when he did the shopping alone, if he was getting on the right bus, when he didn’t find something that wasn’t at its place. As much as that very same day, when Bodhi got up earlier to shovel the freshly fallen snow from the front yard and he could do nothing else just boil some water to bring out the hot mug with the hot tea only in pajama and a cardigan, which was foolish, but he had to demonstrate...he  _ had to _ manifest that he is not a burden, what he actually felt he was that morning. As much it hurt, perhaps even more.

When he had to prove himself, he always lifted his head higher and pushed harder, worked twice as much and charmed, glamored his way through the obstacles. He had lots of kinds of smile, soft, mischievous, cocky, dazzling. He had words, so many words to shine, to steal people’s heart, to bewitch and words to comfort. He could win everything and everybody. His value was the same as anybody else’s, he could do the same things as anyone, he could reach everything others could, even more. Almost every time.

“Special? I got it.” he said.

“I’m sorry!” there was no regret in Baze’s voice. “I hope it won’t affect the friendship between Cassian and Bodhi.”

Chirrut’s body was disintegrating and leaving for the four point of the compass. His hands, feet, face, all of them headed in different directions, even his feelings ran all over. He, he alone couldn’t escape. “Of course not.” his throat was dry. “Their friendship has nothing to do with us.”

His phone chirmed quietly and he grabbed the opportunity. “I have to go.” he stood up. Baze’s chair scraped the floor, he stood up as well. Chirrut quickly slide the phone back in his pocket, put on his coat, unfolded his cane. “I'd say we'll see each other, but it wouldn’t be accurate in any way...Goodbye then, I guess.”  He walked out of the café with confident steps and let the winter wind blow open his coat. He was stronger than to let this break him, tougher than to let this tear him apart. After all they were just having some fun, weren’t they?

Behind the corner something stopped him. A gentle warmth ran through him, wrapping him, dancing, swirling around him, pulling and keeping him at the same time. Something he could almost touch with his fingertips. Was it real or was it his imagination?  He started walking again.

  
  


**********************************

 

Baze watched as  _ his _ Chirrut found his way out between the tables then collapsed to the chair staring at the almost full cup Chirrut left behind. He thought it would be easier. He thought it wouldn’t burn a dark hole in his chest.

When he practiced what he wanted to say, Chirrut wasn’t there. When he shaped the sentences he didn’t see his brilliant smile fading away in an instant. When he repeated the words, tossing and turning in his bed, he didn’t see him closing down his ever shining self from a moment to another. When he prepared himself to break up with him he didn’t see how his thrumming energy would disappear, as if a black hole had devoured it.   
  
But after that, all he could see was Chirrut’s stricken face, his jaw clenching as he fought to hide the hurt. He’d seen what his words had done to him and he couldn’t stop the guilt and shame from crashing over him. It would have been much easier if he had to break up with anybody else. But this was  _ his special Chirrut _ . Chirrut’s reaction was disturbing to the word ‘special’. That was their word. This was his word to express what was bubbling inside him, all the things he felt for Chirrut, yet didn’t dare to name. How come, he didn’t understand that? Why didn’t he let Baze explain? It didn’t matter anymore. Baze jumped up and threw some money on the table.  _ This is the right thing. It had to be done. I had to do it. This is not about me or Chirrut. This is for Cassian. _ He went out to the street and sat in his Porché.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my Dears, 
> 
> It took so long to finish this chap. I have to tell you I was struggling with it. I knew what I wanted to say, but I wasn’t sure how… So after a few versions I give you the final one, full of twists I guess.  
> Again, sorry for the Xmas thingy...  
> Enjoy!

It was odd when on Monday his uncle came home late, didn’t eat from the pizza Bodhi ordered and quickly retreated to his room. But when the next morning he found him already working on his laptop sipping his tea with his usual grin, Bodhi thought he maybe was simply tired. Sometimes it happened even to him. By the evening everything got back to normal, Chirrut was as cheerful as usual filling the house with christmas carols from wetube chatting about everything and nothing. But when the next day he found his uncle in the kitchen in the company of twelve different types of dim sum and the orange-chocolate muffins scent ruling the house he stood in front of him.  “What’s going on?”

Chirrut rose his head out from the bowl in which he was stirring the next dough. “I’m preparing for Christmas, it’s in a few days. Wanna’ help?”

“No, seriously! What’s wrong?” Bodhi put one hand on his hip. “Something happened at the U?”

“Everything is fine at the university.” Chirrut started to add the dried blackberry.

“You have at least five sweatpants but you are wearing these.” he scolded him meaning the shabby, hundred years old trousers.

Chirrut let out a sound that could mean anything. “This is my favourite one. It’s comfortable.”

“You can tell me if something is not OK. I am old enough.” he wanted to look confident but his lips were trembling and he was certain his uncle would know it anyway.

Chirrut looked up and put his heavy hand on his shoulder. “ Come, sit down!” he gestured toward the table. They sat down and it seemed all the energy had escaped from Chirrut’s body. “You would find out sooner or later anyway…” he rubbed his neck turning his face away. “...Baze and me...are...were...involved.”

“Were?” Bodhi interrupted.

“Yes. Were. It’s over.” he stopped massaging his neck, folded his hands above the table and looked on Bodhi’s right shoulder. “I got into this a bit deeper than I intended to, but I’ll be fine, it was nothing serious, after all.”

His voice was monotone and Bodhi had to dig his fingernails into his palm. “He broke up with you.” it wasn’t a question.

“Yes.”

“Are you angry with me?” his voice was low and shaky.

“Why would I, honey?” Chirrut’s fingers were cool when he touched Bodhi’s face. “How could I….?

“I encouraged you. I pushed you into this. I thought that you were so well together.“ he buried his face in his hands. “It’s my fault!”

“It was my choice, sweetheart.” Chirrut peeled down his hands from his face and held them tight.

“Are you angry at Mr. Malbus? If he did that to you he didn’t deserve you!” Chirrut flinched as Bodhi squeezed his hands back by sheer strength.

“I’m not angry with him.”

“How can you not?” Bodhi busted out.

Chirrut cocked his head thoughtfully, then flashed a sad but still bright smile “How could I, sweetheart?” he ran his thumbs over Bodhi’s knuckles in slow, rhythmic sweeps. “How can you be angry with the rain because it falls? To the sun it shines? There is no point to be angry with anyone because he is, who he is. I could be angry only with myself, but that really wouldn’t make any sense, would it?”

Bodhi leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Chirrut’s shoulder. It was always so simple and clear how Chirrut explained things. So comforting as there wasn’t any problem in the world only the ones you create for yourself. “I’m _ still _ angry.” he said, muffled against Chirrut’s awful T-shirt from the previous century.

Chirrut cupped his head and let out a soundless laugh. “Come and strain your anger into the dough. I need some help.”

“So bossy!” he said but he was smiling as he stood up. Chirrut let him fill the empty forms while he took out the freshly baked muffins from the oven in his crocodile gloves.

“Talking about relationships,” Chirrut placed the muffin pan on the counter taking a deep inhale of the smell, humming with satisfaction. “what about you and that little princess, Leia?”

Bodhi fumbled with the forms and the dough and the bowl but Chirrut was standing next to  him with tilted head and raised brows. “It’s not working, uncle Chirrut.” he gave the new pan in Chirrut’s hand.

“Why not?” Bodhi waited with the answer until Chirrut put the raw dough in the oven, ran his fingers on the scale to check the temperature and straightened up again.

“I talked to her last week.” Chirrut hummed, prompting him. “I told her that I like her, very much, but something is missing. I don’t want to get into anything what is maybe not even real.” he reached for a muffin but Chirrut snapped his hand away.

“It’s still hot.”

Bodhi grunted. “She said she felt the same way, so it’s okay, I guess. No hard feelings, we stay friends.” he twitched his nose. “Anyway, I don’t think she will be alone for long. Han, the quarterback, is very interested in her.”

It seemed this fact amused Chirrut. He hummed again and sorted out a plate. “What about you? Who are you interested in than?”

Bodhi bit his lip. That was a very good question.

Chirrut searched for some more christmas carols in his laptop so Bodhi escaped to his room.

[Did U know that our uncles broke up?] he texted to Cassian and checked the screen almost every minute, but the answer came only half an hour later.

[Didn’t know but not surprised. Sorry bro!]

[Do you know why?]

[Baze is like that. Can’t stay long with anybody.]

Bodhi couldn’t believe that. Maybe not with  _ anybody _ but his uncle certainly wasn’t anybody.

[You saw them!!!

[Like they were meant to be together!]

[Is Mr. I. ok?]

Bodhi plopped on the bed and wriggled himself on his back.

[He’s sad.]

[But U know him, he’ll be fine. I just don’t understand.]

[Relationships sucks.]

He thud his head against the wall and stared at his Spiderman posters on the opposite side of the room. He got the girl but only at the end, at the end of a long road and lots of break ups. He sighed. His phone buzzed.

[Welcome to the real world, Bo!]

[Am really sorry, hope Mr. I. gets better!]

[Talk tomorrow.]

Bodhi made a move as if to throw the phone away but then let his hand fall back on his stomach. Maybe dinner is ready.

  
  
  


**************************************

  
  


Cassian said he had to go home but he didn’t take his bus, instead he crossed the street and headed in the direction of downtown. Bodhi waggled on the stairs of his bus and when the driver groaned at him he finally stepped down and launched himself after his friend. It was too cold for a simple walk and Cassian mentioned earlier he had all the christmas gifts. If that was so, why didn’t he tell him that he was going to the city instead of going home? Bodhi wanted to know.

Following him was easier than he thought. Cassian never looked back above his shoulder, not even at the corners and seemed to be lost in his thoughts at the pedestrian crossings where Bodhi jumped behind a tree or anything that was big enough to hide him, to be sure Cassian didn’t see him. He only stopped once in front of a computer store to study the prices of laptops than he started to walk again.

Before reaching the main road of Jedha, he turned left on a street Bodhi never took before. It bent left and right, leading between old block of flats covered with dark-red brick. The composition of the passers-by changed, they frowned at Bodhi as he walked past the bigger or smaller groups waiting for nothing particular. He held his backpack strap tighter. Cassian advanced without any demour and Bodhi became more and more curious where he was going.

After a good forty minutes the houses started to disappear leaving empty patches behind. Cassian finally stopped in front of a DoubleValue standing in an abandoned neighborhood with only a few cars parking around. Bodhi was sure that he didn’t made the extra miles only to buy milk. He was right. Cassian rounded the building to go to the parking at the back. Bodhi entered into a nearby outlet store and found a good spot inside, in front of the windows, which, for Bodhi’s luck, opened to the parking. Bodhi felt like a secret agent, he was hundred percent sure it was a good decision to follow Cassian.

The angle wasn’t perfect and the security guard glanced curious looks at him but he just kept watching. Cassian stopped at the middle of the parking area and turned his head around searching. Two men got out from a new Mazda and Cassian stepped closer, but not too close. They were not the same Bodhi met a few month ago at the baseball field. These ones were older, with broad shoulders and tough faces.

They talked a little, then the smaller guy handed something to Cassian, Bodhi couldn’t see what was it. Cassian took it, nodded and put it away in his bag. Bodhi stepped closer to the window. Cassian said something that made the other two pointing at him with menacing gestures but his friend stepped closer swinging his arms roundly. Bodhi's eyes opened wide and his muscles tensed. At the moment when one of the man grabbed Cassian's shoulder, he pushed over the security guard and he rushed out on the door.

  
  
  


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The sedan visibly relieved when the two men got out from it. Krennic sent his thugs and Cassian wondered when did he become so important. “I already told you that you’ll burn your skin if you’re late again!”

“I am here and my skin is still intact, apart from the injuries of the last race.” the man narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw as a reply. “Where is my money?”

“Here, take it!” Cassian took the envelope and drop it inside his bag without counting the bills. It was always right.

“I have a message to Mr. Krennic.”

“Have you, little scum?! I think you don’t know where your place is!” hissed the man twitching his head.

“I know what he did last time and I want double price for the next race.” his voice was steadier as himself because he was angry, so angry. Angry, furious, desperate and bitter. All his emotions were boiling, brewing inside him like bubbles in a shaken but sealed bottle, waiting unstoppably, uncontrollably to break free, to wash away the world which was simply and painfully unfair. In the last days he pushed his thoughts in the back of his mind because he wasn’t able to bare the weight. The weight of how Krennic tricked him, how his parents ignored him most of the time, how his uncle dumped poor M. I. and especially the weight of Bodhi’s big, teddy-bear brown eyes on him. Every time when he let these thoughts crawl back into his awareness he wanted only one thing, to break someone’s face in. He wished that was the moment.

“You think you can tell to Krennic what to do?” the bigger guy pressed the words out between his teeth. “I’ll teach you!” he shoved forward grabbing his shoulder. Cassian, fast as lightning,   stepped aside to pull him out from his balance and yank him to the ground. His whole body craved for a well placed punch. With a wordless growl, he threw himself on the other, leaning away from his fist and landing his foot in his stomach. He was quick, but not quick enough. The other man was already on his feet flinging his arms around him, holding him tight, while the other man let his heavy fist connect with his already sore jaw.

Before the next punch could land on his nose Cassian heard something as a battle cry and a swirling phantom lunged on the back of the smaller guy. He used the effect of the surprise to tear himself out, swung and pushed his fist in the man’s chest. He rose his hand to place the next strike when somebody grabbed his bicep dragging him away. He looked up and his mouth fell open. It was Bodhi. “Run!” his friend yelled and Cassian let Bodhi to drag him away.

  
  
  


**********************************

  
  


After a few steps, when Cassian understood they had to run he took up the pace and Bodhi let him to lead. Now it was him who pulled Bodhi through the maze of streets. A few corners away he planted his hills in the asphalt and Bodhi almost tripped up in him. Cassian swirled around and they were standing there, panting, sweaty and beaten, staring at each other with wild eyes.

“You!” Bodhi hitched the air hearing the accusing tone. “You followed me!”

“Yes” he hunched with guilt keeping the eye contact.

“You fought for me!” Cassian voice was filled with affection.

“Yes.” answered Bodhi firmly, now without any guilt.

“You should have seen his face when you jumped on him!” Cassian laughed silently than lauder and Bodhi couldn’t stop to follow him. They were on the corner of an unknown street in a forgotten part of the city convulsed with laughter. Bodhi couldn’t stop and when he almost could one glance on Cassian’s face was enough to burst out again. Cassian was holding his side leaning against the wall, gasping for air between the spasm of guffaw. Bodhi felt free, he felt loose and confident. The rush of adrenalin was slowly wearing off and they were just another two, skinny teenage boys again, with a half smile around their lips.

As they were swaying at the base of the building and Bodhi tried to gather his bearings Cassian did something that he couldn’t quite interpret. There was a touch on his shoulder than Cassian pushed him against the wall. He saw Cassian leaning closer. His heart was pounding in his chest. Cassian touched their lips together, just for a moment and stepped back.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry.” he let Bodhi’s shoulders go an kept his eyes on the ground.

“I thought that you are with Jyn!” Bodhi’s mouth was numb, he couldn’t proceed what had happened.

Cassian raised his eyes on him. “I was  _ never _ with Jyn.”

Bodhi took a long, deep breath, grabbed Cassian’s sleeve, pulled him against his body and kissed him, and it was perfect. Bodhi felt all that he had previously thought he should feel at this moment. Butterflies in his stomach, brass-band playing in his ears, fireworks behind his closed eyelids and more. He could feel Cassian’s lips soft under his as they opened easily at his exploration.

He wasn’t able to cope with all the emotions crashing through him, as Cassian pressed him more fully against the wall, wanting to feel all of him everywhere. As a reply Bodhi slid his fingers in his hair, clinging to the strands and took the kiss deeper. Every move, every touch, every moan was like fire in his blood.

When they parted his face felt hot, his heart was beating a chaotic rhythm and he was smiling. Cassian was smiling, too, and Bodhi rose his face against the chilly December wind.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know - it took way too long, but here it is. A lather long chap with some surprizzzze.
> 
> WARNING and spoiler:  
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> In the first part they are lightly making out (mostly kisses), with the clothes on, nothing serious - and there is some info about Cas in the middle of this part (it’s starts with Krennic’s name)...so it’s your choice to read or not.

“Make the music louder!” Cassian breathed into Bodhi’s hair. Bodhi climbed down  the bed where they were tangled together and put the music louder. They spent many afternoons like that in the past months, huddled close, mostly just a heap of limbs, practically indistinguishable. Usually they were talking, sometimes one of them pressed his mouth against whatever part of the other’s skin he could reach and there were moans and pants and heavy breathings. That’s why they needed the well chosen music.

Outside of their rooms they pretended that nothing had happened between them however it was obvious for everybody that it had. It’s only in the shelter of Bodhi’s room or Cassian’s room at Baze when they were that bold, discovering, with errant touches from Bodhi and braver ones from Cassian, the reaction of their bodies. Sometimes the caresses so sweet, the tongues hot against skin and the fingers running quickly across their thighs were too close to the throbbing center of one of them and that one pushed his hip into the touch, arms wrapped around necks, bodies pulled closer, kisses deepened. Then the ghosting hands retreated, the breathing leveled, the passion restored back to their bodies. They didn’t want to push for more. Not yet. The time would come, they didn’t have to hurry.

It was one of those afternoons. Bodhi put on some music and climbed into the lap of Cassian, straddling him. Cassian wet his lips and Bodhi bent down to kiss him tenderly. Cassian tasted him sliding his hand up on his chest, on his throat to cradle his head, than turned Bodhi over. He landed on his back on the bed and Cassian placed himself between his legs, put his hand in his hair to run his thumb on his forehead.

Bodhi’s eyes were so close he wanted to lose himself in the maze of the patterns of his iris. Cassian bent down to ghost a kiss on the left eye, then on the right, on the top of his nose, both sides of his lips. Soon he would have to put an end to this.

Krennic didn’t offer a double payment for the next race, he proposed something else. A bigger race for a bigger prize: the desert run. A race through a whole night, touching checkpoints, fighting with the sand alone in the dark to get back first to the northern gate of the city, back to the start point. He’d been preparing for that in the last four months with a car designed to this, loaned by Krennic. 

Bodhi smiled at him. His eyes were dark, dark brown, almost black in the dim light of the room, still more luminous than any stars he saw in the night sky surrounding Jedha. Cassian kissed him fully swallowing the groans that bubbled up, licking greedily into his mouth. He ran his tongue over every inch of Bodhi he could reach, over his collarbones, his tender throat back to his lips. 

The front door opened and closed. “I’m home!” the muffled sound from the other side of the house reached them and they both looked up, however they knew Chirrut would never come in.

“We’re in my room!” shouted back Bodhi. The reply was a big thump followed by the sound of rolling objects on the ground.

“I’m okay!” they heard Chirrut’s singing voice. “I’m just clumsy!” they looked at eachother and snickered.

“Don’t move!” Bodhi shouted in his ears again. “We’ll be right there!”

  
  
  


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The spring had been always a gift on Jedha before the devastating heat of summer days. Locals and tourists alike enjoyed the sunny weather, the kind wind and the scent of flowers that filled the air like a magic potion. This was one of the reasons why dr. Shane Arkanus chose to sit outside at his favourite café which was almost older than the Old Town itself.

The terrace was full, no table was left free but Shane knew already where he wanted to sit. He always had a good eye for masterpieces and he was sure he found one. He spotted out the man in the queue in front of the counter. Two things caught his attention. First, the man was incredibly gorgeous and that wasn’t all. One thing he learned well during his career, the most precious work of arts were the ones, which, besides their perfection, had a small default. They were always priceless. The man with the face of a statue of some ancient deity was blind. The other thing that made him curious was the starbird pendant discreetly glittering on his golden skin under his white shirt.

“May I sit down? All the tables are taken.” The man flashed a quick smile, hummed something as an agreement pulling closer his mug than gave his face back to the sun. He stretched out comfortably on the chair, his cane propped against his shoulder as a barrier or a call: ‘don’t disturb!’. Shane was not the man who gave up at the first obstacle.

“I couldn’t not notice...” he leaned closer to catch the attention of the other. The man ran his long fingers on his short, black hair turning to him as if awakening from a dream. As the long lashes revealed his eyes, the blue of his iris almost made Shane dumbstruck searching for his lost words. “...your...beautiful...charm. I can rarely see such a dispendious artwork like that.”

“Oh!” the man straightened sharply and touched the collar of his shirt to realise it was unbuttoned deeper than it had to and buttoned it up to hide the pendant. “Thank you!” he made a shy, apologetique smile to Shane and shifted his weight to the farther end of the chair. Shane pressed his lips together. He stomped right in the middle. The charm was something the other  didn’t want to share. A precious souvenir of something or from somebody. Hiding it meant loss, hiding it meant that the loss was fresh. It was not difficult to put the picture together. Lost love. The man was heartbroken. Shane was certain he deserved better.

He had to make up for his mistake. His mind switched swiftly. A starbird symbol was too unique, not commonly known. This man was somebody who was familiar with history and in history Shane was unbeatable.

“Did you know that in the ancient times they didn’t put the sugar in the coffee? They drank it through the sugarcube held between their teeth. Of course if they had teeth at the front.” he said.

It took a moment for the man to emerge from the bubble of thoughts surrounding him like heavy silk, but when Shane’s words reached him he flashed a full smile into the space in front of him. “Sweet root.” he had a soft singing voice. His lips ran higher on one side of his face under his milky-blue eyes. The. Man. Was. Beautiful. Shane smiled back and realised he didn’t understand what he said. “Pardon?”

“Sweet root.” the other repeated. “They put sweet root in their mouth. They didn’t know sugar at that time.” he offered. Bingo! Shane was right, this man was in history. 

“Oh, right! I have some tongs in my shop. I have an antique gallery.” he quickly explained when the other rose his brows. “I’m dr. Shane Arkanus.”

“Dr. Chirrut Imwe.”

“Imwe? Dr, Chirrut Imwe?” It was his lucky day. “You wrote that book. The golden times of Jedha.”

“Oh, my!” Chirrut chuckled. “You read my book?”

“Of course I’ve read it! It is fascinating! I think if you would have been focused more on the background story then it would have been a bestseller.”

“You are too kind. I thought only my colleagues and some overachieving students read it.” he blushed.

“No, no, I assure you!” Shane protested. “Everyone I know read it. It’s practically a bible to us, antique gallery owners.” 

Chirrut smoothed down the sleeve of his shirt with one hand, abashed. “You really are  _ too  _ kind.”

“I always wondered what is the meaning of the red scarf in the book. It wasn’t just a nice accessory, I suppose.”

“The scarf?” Chirrut’s eyes crinkled up like diamonds, turning with his full body to Shane bracing his arms on the table he started to resume the meaning of the said scarf. It was easy sailing after that, they chatted about history,  the university and his shop. About an hour later Chirrut’s chiming phone startled them.

“I’ve lost the hour, I have to go.” Chirrut quickly drank the last drop of his coffee and stood up to say goodbye. “It was very nice to meet you, dr. Arkanus!”

“Just call me, Shane, please!” he paused. “I really don’t want to impose...” Shane was determined not to let him go so easily. “...There will be this small gathering, the birthday of the gallery. It would be nice if you could come.” Shane couldn’t proceed all the emotions running through Chirrut’s face in a split of a second, but he was clearly hesitating. “Just a small, cozy thing, some friends, lots of history geeks like me.” he added and earned a small laugh. 

“Oh, well! Why not?” he reached for his wallet, fished out a card from it and handed with an elegant gesture in the general direction of Shane, who took it. A small card of the university with Chirrut’s name and phone number on it in black letters and braille. “Let me know when and where.”

“Thank you. I’ll call you. Have a wonderful day!”

“You too...Shane,” he tilted his head with a shy smile. “...you too!” Shane followed with his gaze as Chirrut crossed the street with sure, fluid steps, gently sweeping with is cane in front of him. When Chirrut disappeared at the corner, he leaned back in his chair and clutched his hands behind his head, smiling.

  
  
  


********************************

  
  


The bar was pleasantly noisy. Tom Hasel leaned against the hard, leather couch he was sprawling in and twirled the whiskey in his hand. He had a night out, which literally meant that his wife let him go with Baze to a bar to have a drink. It was more than enough.

Above their first whiskey, Baze explained his new idea. He saw a sci-fi with his nephew and his new, little friend, or more-than-a-friend, if he caught right the hints, and now he wanted to make it. A floating building above the city, standing on one slender, vaulted pillar, can be reached with elevators and quietly gliding, electric high rails. Tom had no idea how that was possible, but he liked it anyway. 

Now, in the middle of his second and Baze’s fourth glass they were just having a rest, watching people as the drink slowly settled that numb feeling in his limbs. Actually he was rather tired and bored of all the poshly dressed men like them, and the almost not dressed women wearing clothes that covered almost nothing. He missed his wife who was at home probably telling the kids to turn off the light and sleep but they won’t because they would read or play a little bit longer on the computer in semi-secret and her wife would go down to the living room fumbling around with a smile playing around her lips.  

It was all right, though, to be there with Baze, who just wanted to please him, to have a chat, to have a drink, to have some time together. He was sitting in the armchair next to him like he owned the place - which was possible, but Tom couldn’t remember - , cigar in his hand, whisky on the low table in front of him, with his open suit and open collar, well-groomed, spiffy and charming as always. If Tom wanted, he could have any woman there, because of Baze.

The truth was he didn’t want any of the women from any of the bars and Baze knew him better to force it. He never did. On the business trips, when Tom got too drunk and a lady became too irresistible, Baze was always there to help him out and get rid of her. Even if Baze rarely went to bed alone. He was like a magnet, every gaze swept over him, every mouth whispered something about him and he was sailing on the top of the waves of their admiration. 

Tom’s wife always teased him that he actually was in love with Baze. The truth was, he was in love with his wife, deeply, desperately, willingly and happily. He was just like anybody else, scorched by the inner fire of Baze and wanted more even if he knew it was devastating. Even if he saw on Baze how devastating this fire really was. This fire always needed something to burn away, but this time it was taken away from it. This fire was locked down, close to explosion.

“He looks exactly the same as the guy before him and the one before that one. Actually exactly like all the guys who were in your bedroom in the past months.” he took a sip from his glass.

“Perhaps that’s my type.” Baze answered not breaking his eye-flirting game with a man at a not too far table.

“Three guesses to who he resembles.” 

Baze flashed him a rather humourless smile, “You’ve just said. To the previous one.” and bit on his cigar leaving it in his mouth letting out the smoke next to it.

Tom sighed deeply, then resigned himself to his fate facing a battle he would lose anyway. “Well-shaped, muscular body, slim waist, short, black hair, broad grin. Don’t we know someone who is just like him, except he is in the same age as you?”

Baze took out the cigar from his mouth and puffed out an angry cloud of smoke. “Are you telling me that I’m old?” his voice was teasing but his eyes told Tom to stop right there.

He prepared himself for the worst and leaned closer. “No, Baze that’s not what I’ve said. I’m telling you that you are a fool. You fucked it up, you know it, you regret it and still, you don’t do anything.” Baze reached for his glass. “I just don’t know why.”

“You don’t know why? Because that’s none of your business!” Baze’s brown eyes flashed at him in a rare and sudden surge of anger.

“I’m your friend, Baze.” he replied sharply. “I won’t sit here watching as you ruin your life.”

This seemed to amuse Baze. “Oh, I thought I have an enviable life!” 

“You’re a workaholic, every night you fuck a guy with black hair, you hardly eat, hardly sleep, you drink countless coffee and recently you’re drinking way too mu....”

“Well, bloody hell!” Baze snapped his eyes turning icy. “You don’t have to sit here. You are free to walk away anytime!”

Tom opened his mouth to retort but he thought better. “Baze! It’s been almost five months now and you are still not over him. You have to admit you fall all over for him!”

“I didn’t  _ fall _ for him, okay? I just ... _ like _ him.” 

“Baze, my eight years old is more mature than you!” Baze gave him a flat look. “How is this difference working out so far for you? Hm?”

Baze huffed and chewed on the cigar. His phone suddenly buzzed saving him from the rest of the scolding and he barked a “Yes?” into it. “Larisha?” Baze face turned darker and Tom heard nothing but hysterical bubble on the other side. “Stay there, don’t move a muscle, I’ll be there as fast as I can.” he said and cut the line to call another number waving down Tom and his questioning gestures. “Leslie?” Tom was the edge of his nerves. Leslie Meyers was Baze’s lawyer. “Listen to me well!” Baze said firmly, “The cops took Cassian. I need you to be at the police station on the West Lane in five!” he took the phone away from his ear and turned to Tom. “We need a cab _ right now _ !”

  
  


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Baze swiped out everything from his mind on the way. Leslie was standing on the stairs in a black suit, perfectly ironed and turned out as if he had been waiting for this occasion to appear all day and wouldn’t have been pulled out of bed just a few minutes ago. 

“Let me do the talking!” he said outside and inside he made a big scene until someone with a higher rank accepted them and put two pictures in front of them. Cassan sitting behind a wheel of a Jaguar. Well, it was only his torso and hands visible, half of his face was hidden behind a black baseball hat, but it was Cassian. Baze clenched his jaw as strong he thought his teeth might break in two.

“This is not my nephew.” he pressed through his lips. “This is not Cassian.”

“What Mr. Malbus wishes to say…” singsonged Leslie  “...is that we don’t quite understand why are you showing these pictures to us about this young man  _ or women _ behind the wheels of a totally unfamiliar car.”

“These pictures were taken by the security camera of the Ambassador Plaza’s underground garage during an illegal car race.” the officer milled the words without any sympathie. “The young man on the picture  _ is _ Mr. Cassian Andor.”

“Why are you so sure?” Leslie took one picture in his hand digging his nose in it. 

“First the boy on the picture looks exactly like Mr. Andor…”

“Nonsense!” cut in his words the lawyer. “His face is not visible at all. This can be anybody! Everybody can buy this kind of black baseball hat in every shop in the city.”

“We have some witnesses who confirmed that they saw your nephew at the scene that night, Mr. Malbus.” turned to him the man.

“When?” against all Baze’s efforts to keep his voice low it broke out of him like a thunder.

“When?” asked back the policeman.

“When was this photo taken?” he waited for the answer, but it didn’t really matter. Whatever the date was, the answer would be the same. “He was with me. The whole night through.”

The officer let out an incredulous sound and Leslie stepped in again. “Mr. Malbus is a very generous uncle. He cares a lot about his family. His house is his family's house as well. They spend every possible time together. Mr. Andor has his own room.”

“Sir, would you make a statement on oath that the boy was with you that night?”

“Yes, I picked him up right after school, we spent the rest of the day together, he slept at my house and the next morning I took him to school.” Baze carefully articulated each word as he gazed rigidly at the officer's badge.

“You haven’t even checked your agenda, sir.” the man gave back flatly.

“What a memory, isn’t it? Mr. Malbus has a hell of a’ head, right?” Leslie smiled mildly.

The officer huffed. “If that so, we’ll do the paperwork and release Mr. Andor right in the morning.”

“You. Release. Him. Right. Now.” Baze pushed his fists hard against his thigh to prevent himself from jumping on a police officer.

“That is not possible, sir. Out protocol…”

“Do you know who I am?” this question sat heavily between them stopping the air in the tiny, windowless room. The officer glanced at Leslie who sat there with a totally noddy face. “I am Baze Malbus. I built half of the city and the other half is mine. I built your headquarters and donated a lot of money to the family of those who lost their lives during service.” his voice just slightly raised at the end of the sentence.

“Mr. Malbus, please understand…” the officer started but he hadn’t any chance to continue.

“What Mr. Malbus wishes to say is that he is highly satisfied with the achievements of the police force of Jedha.” Baze turned to him with open mouth. He gave a damn to the achievements at that moment. “You know, officer…”

“Captain!”

“Captain.” blinked Leslie. “We had that nice lunch with the mayor and the police chief the other day and Mr. Malbus promised to donate to the found to buy those new, faster cars with better equipment. It would be such a shame he had to recall his promise because of the loss of trust. Don’t you think?” he let out a small sigh and if a sudden idea he started to scroll his phone. “Shall we announce it to the mayor right now? Where did I put the number?” It was a bluff, because Leslie didn’t have the number of the mayor, but Baze had and leaned back his chair with the most disappointed look he could manage. 

They were escorted back to the hall. Larisha stepped in front of him in a garish green dress opening her mouth to start whatever she wanted to say, but she closed it after taking one look on Baze’s face. She quickly retreated with Gus in one of the corner and didn’t protest when, after two hours of waiting, they finally let Cassian free and Baze took him by his arm to drag him out to a taxi.

  
  
  


“Look at, them. Joey.” said the captain to the officer at the desk. “These rich people are all the same.” 

“Hm? Why?” the other elbowed on the countertop taking a break from the paperwork.

“They hide behind their money!” 

Joey just snickered under his beard and shook his head. “Don’t worry, captain. I’m sure we meet that kid again, soon.”

The captain didn’t answer, just pushed his hat to the top of his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re wondering about the names here you are:  
> Shane meaning: gift from God  
> Arkanus: keeper of secrets


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again it took soo long.  
> It's a shorter one, but I didn't want to make you wait any longer.

Baze had never studied the patterns of the kitchen table as carefully as he did now, but he kept following the lines of the wood. How could he not notice? How could Cassian hide it? Which nights was he out there? Which nights did he rush with crazy speed to death? How come, he didn’t see it? He should have known! That would have been _ his _ job!

Cassian was standing in the middle, head bowed, still in his coat. The silence stretched too long between them, something had to be said. One of them had to start to speak. Baze relaxed his jaw and looked up to the ceiling. “Car race, is it?” his voice was rough and hoarse as it rasped the silence.

“Yes.” Cassian said almost inaudible directing this statement at the ground.

“How long?”

“About a year.”

“If you wanted adrenalin, I could have pay you a ride at the racetrack, or bungee jumping or anything...” Baze talked to one of the implanted lamps.

“I didn’t do it for the adrenalin.” Cassian snapped.

“So why did you do it, than?”

Silence.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!” He wanted to take him by the shoulders, shake him pressing for an explanation. He forced down the urge. “Why did you do it?” He couldn’t force down his voice.

The shout made Cassian flinch, but instead of pulling himself even smaller, his hunched shoulders filled with wild energy and his face twisted into a grimace. “I did it for the money! Okay?” he pushed his chin forward. “For the money!” he snapped. Baze froze. The word was turning and turning in his head making him dizzy.  _ Money. _ Cassian did it for money.

“Money?” he repeated still in disbelief. “You needed money, but you didn’t ask from me.” he stepped closer neatly controlling his voice. “What do you need that money for?” Cassian stepped back and turned his head around as a trapped animal searching for a way out. Baze moved after him and held his hand back with force so that he wouldn’t grab Cassian. The boy still kept quiet and Baze lost his patience. “Talk,Cassian! Talk!” he barked.

Cassian took a quick breath and slowly articulated. “I need money to get away from here! To get as far as I can!” 

The air stuck in Baze’s chest. His mind turned blank, white as a paper of an unwritten letter or the last page of a book. “Are you out of your mind?” Is that supposed to be the right question here? And then what? What came next? He couldn't think of anything. Baze wasn’t even sure his body was functioning, if his kidney was filtering his blood, if his liver was detoxifying chemicals, he wasn’t sure if his lungs were working at all. Cassian kept the eye contact and his gaze was strong. Stronger than his. Stronger than his whole existence. “What about Bodhi?” he stammered pathetically.

Cassian narrowed his eyes. “He will quickly forget me. The finals, the university, he has his friends. He will find somebody else. He will forget me.”

“What about your parents?”

Cassan let out a huff of laugh. “You worry about my parents? Really?” he gestured vaguely. “They won’t miss me. Not for a minute.” for Baze’s surprise he grinned with an evil curve of his mouth. Baze didn’t know Cassian could be like that. “You should be more grateful. They would stop pump money out from you.”

He rounded Baze and walked into the living room dropping his coat on the sofa. Baze followed him on trembling feet.

“You think...why...it was never a problem to give money...I did it for you….” he wasn’t sure he let out any sound. He looked at Cassian’s face and what he found there wasn’t encouraging. His forehead was dank with cold sweat.

“Yeah, I know.” Cassian shrugged as if it was all the same to him. “I’m your favourite toy.”

“Toy?” Baze asked back flushed with the mix of anger and confusion. The cold wetness reached his hairline and creeped down his spine.

“Yes.  _ Toy _ . It's just a matter of time when you get bored with me.”

“What are you talking about?” Cassian looked like a stranger.

“The whole life is a game for you, Baze, everything is for your pleasure! Don’t you see?” He wheeled his arm around in an all-consuming gesture, taking in the furnitures, the house, the whole world which became blurry in front of Baze. “You start new projects because you got bored with the one you are dealing with. You buy and sell your cars, you have five right now in the garage and you use, what, two of them. You have this big house but you don’t give parties, because it’s not exciting to be at home. You change your friends when you are tired with them and replace your lovers when they don’t entertain you any longer.” He stood his ground in the middle of the living area, without silhouette because of the strong light. “It's just a matter of time and you will find something more interesting than me, to play with.” 

Baze was struggling to breathe, to put his words in the right order. Cassian supposed to be good. Perhaps he had difficulties but that supposed to be only temporary. He was destined to reach everything he wanted and Baze was there to support him. Now, he said he didn’t want that. He would throw all that away. That he hates him? When did things change?

Baze moved quickly, he moved with purpose, he moved with power. “This is how you see me?” His fingers tearing at Cassin’s collar felt good. He bared his teeth and shaked him until Cassian’s mouth strained around the corners, until he could push him down to the sofa towering over him like the demon of rage. Something he could understand. The only thing that made any sense that night. “I do not care what you think about me, but I’m not going to let you ruin your life! I won’t let you run away and throw away your opportunities. I don’t care if you hate me, I don’t care if you deny me! You are going to do it for yourself! You are going to stay here, you are going to finish high school and you are going to go to University! Did you understand?” his voice echoed like thunder on a summer night to die slowly into silence. All Baze could hear was his own ragged breathing.

After a long time, which seemed like an infinity, but judging by his still uneven breathing in fact was only a moment, Cassian started to speak very slowly. “I’m just a burden to everybody! I want to get out of here!” Cassian’s words were filled with passion but his lips were trembling.

Reality patched itself back in piece by piece. There, in front of him, on the way too expensive sofa, was just a frightened and confused boy, trembling, thin-faced, hands crossed like a bastion against Baze, against the whole world. “Kiddo…” Baze started. “...I love you since the day I held you in my hands after you were born. You were so small you could fit in one of my palms. You are not a burden and I will never get bored of you.” A little bug circled around one of the lamps with a low buzz and Baze wondered how it got inside. He lowered himself next to Cassian, who didn’t pull away. “Promise me, you get your shit together, you put your head into your studies and you forget that nonsense!”

For the first time all night, Cassian’s tight-wound shoulders seemed to relax. He dropped his hands to his lap rising his tired, longing eyes up to his uncle. The air between them felt a little lighter. “I promise!” Baze reached for him with such gentleness he couldn’t imagine five minutes earlier and locked him in his arms. Cassian melted against his chest and mumbled in his suit. “You have to promise me too, that you pull  _ your  _ shit together!”

Baze looked down on him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean Mr. I.” Cassian turned his face to him. “You have to make it right!” He sounded as he meant it and Baze was helpless against him. There was a depth beneath his eyes that wasn’t there before, and it frightened him. It frightened him that his nephew was maybe right and he, maybe, was wrong. The whole time.

“I’m not sure I can do anything about it. I really fucked it up.” Everything he pushed down in the last few months bubbled up inside him. Chirrut. He was full of him, before, but now he was all dried up and yearning. “Let’s concentrate on you first, then we’ll see.”

“Don’t wait for too long.” Was that a joke? Cassian wasn’t laughing but tugged himself back under his armpit.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I give you the almost last chap. Prepare yourself, hold on tight, this ain’t gonna’ be easy!

Cassian didn’t think, not for a moment, he could get rid of them so easily. Baze gave him a lift every day, he didn’t spend any minute out alone, still it was just a matter of time till they found him. The two guy was clinging to the wire fence of the school yard. However he warned Bodhi, Cassian was happy he wasn’t with him. He walked closer but stopped in a proper distance. The late spring sun shone straight in his eyes, he had to nictate.

“You didn’t came to the training.” the one in black, steel toe boots, jeans and plaid shirt started without any greeting. Cassian found the fence between them somehow reassuring. “You don’t pick up the phone and you’re hiding. Krennic worries.”

“I quit.”

The two of them looked at eachother and bursted out in laughter. “You cannot quit boy! Krennic already invested in you lot of money.”

Cassian was prepared for this, Baze told him what to say. They spoke til dawn that night and he realized how stupid he was. Krennic would never let him go. No matter how bad it was, how guilty he felt, he had to rely on Baze. Once more. But than, if he could find his way out he would have plenty of occasions to pay it back. Not if Baze would ask for it. He said he shouldn’t worry. They can’t turn to the police, not after Cassian was accused. Money can solve lots of things and Krennic won’t be against a good deal especially when he can set the conditions. He had to say the words if he wanted to save his skin. Still, it was difficult to make himself do it. He clenched his jaw.

“My uncle is ready to pay for any loss of Mr. Krennic.” he might said it a little bit louder than it was necessary.

The man who spoke to him braced his boot on the fence. The other fished out a toothpick from his pocket and popped it in his mouth. “I hope your uncle is rich.” Cassian’s stomach turned and he had to swallow.

“Baze Malbus.” they looked at eachother again and the man in the plaid shirt gestured with his head. The other with the toothpick walked away to make a call. The bell rang behind Cassian to say that the next class would start. The guy came back. 

“One of our man will find Mr. Malbus with Mr. Krennic’s offer in the next days.” The other pushed himself away from the fence and they walked back to their car. Cassian felt sick when he dialed Baze’s number in his way back to the building. 

  
  
  


**************************************************

  
  
  


Baze was sitting in his Hummy in front of the park for at least five minutes now. He promised Cassian a lift about three on the picnic after the match. It was two fifty four. Krennic’s man didn’t show up in the past few days, still he escorted Cassian everywhere. He was sure that the messenger would come and he wanted to keep safe the boy.

He came to pick up Cassian, but he knew that Chirrut was somewhere there, too. They could even talk. _ Of course you can talk to him, that’s why you are here! _ His hands were shaking. He was aware how foolish that was but he couldn’t help it. Of course Chirrut was there but he wasn’t sure Chirrut wanted to talk to him. They hadn’t met for nearly five months. Still, he had to try. Not if he had prepared a confession.

_ In the last sixteen years I did everything to be able to give to Cassian anything he needed. My time, my attention, my love. I wanted to make sure he can fulfill his dreams. I’ve always thought there is no place for anybody else. I thought anybody else would be a distraction. But I was wrong. So wrong.  _

Not if he would say all this to Chirrut. Not if Chirrut would listen. His hands were still shaking and he had to live with that if he wanted to get out of the Hummy. The sun was trying its strength preparing the scorching rays of summer, but the weather was still lovely. The sky was crystal blue, the trees gleefully leaned in the light breeze, the air filled with the cheerfulness of the boys and girls and the chatter of the families. Baze pushed his hands in his pockets and stepped on the grass. 

He made a few hesitant steps looking around and he saw Cassian and Bodhi approaching him from the far end of the park, waving. He nodded to them, hands still hidden in his pockets. The boys stopped and turned their heads in the same direction. Baze followed their gaze and his stomach lurched. Under a tree full of blossoms, there was Chirrut sorting sandwiches out from the basket on the table with benches.  _ Cassian and Bodhi, the two conspirator.  _ He suppressed a smile.

Chirrut was in grey jeans and a simple, black pullover but he was more beautiful than Baze remembered. He heard the footsteps and slightly cocked his head in his direction with an inviting smile.

_ Heart of my heart ...You think you can forgive me?  _

“Hello, Chirrut!” Baze blurted.

Chirrut froze. The curve of his smile turned into a firm line. “Baze!” With a quick, jerky move he fixed his collar than smoothed down his pullover.

_ Heart of my heart, soul of my soul. _

“You look good! You look great, I mean. As always!” Baze offered stepping closer. A light breeze played between the branches of the tree and blow blossoms everywhere around Chirrut. Baze had to smile.  _ Of course. Blossoms! Do you think we could start over again?  _ Baze rubbed his mouth _. _

“Thank you.” Chirrut’s voice sounded different, odd. He put down the small tupperware from his hand, made a vague gesture and looked back again in Baze’s direction. “I hear from Cassian that you are doing well, too.”

“Yeah, yes.” Baze stepped closer again, now he was in arm reach. _ I was wrong. So wrong.  _ “Business is running good.”

“Good.” Chirrut bit his lower lip. “Good.”

_ Just one look in your eyes and I know that the only valuable thing in my life is you. You think you can forgive me?  _

“I need to talk to you. I need to tell you something.” Chirrut was standing perfectly still in front of him.

“Is it about the boys?” Chirrut asked on a careful voice.

“No, it’s about…”  _ heart of my heart _ “...it’s about... ”

Chirrut tilted his head and the expression of his face turned into something soft, trusting and hopeful. He stepped closer without knowing he stepped too close. Or maybe he knew. “About?” it was almost a whisper. Baze had to stop himself before he reached out and caught him in his arms to kiss him and never let him go.  _ Soul of my soul. _

“Here’s your lemonade, honey!” Chirrut winced as a guy touched his back and held out one of the plastic glasses for him, but he flushed a little smile. “Mrs. Organa said if it’s for you she would put extra blackberry syrup in it, so prepare, it might be very sweet!”

Baze just stared at the man who leaned against Chirrut, standing close,  _ too close _ , who  _ dared _ to put his hand on Chirrut’s waist and Chirrut didn’t wipe it away, he let him do it, standing there, holding the plastic cup, with the artificially purple drink in it, in both hands like a shield. 

“One of the parents?” asked the man smoothing back a blonde, curly strand falling on his forehead. 

“Hm?” managed Baze still in a shock.  _ Since it’s over, all I could think was I never told you I love you. What an idiot! _

“You are one of the parents?” the man repeated the question.

Chirrut cleared his throat. “Shane, this is Baze.” he made a small, encouraging gesture.

Shane reached out a hand. “I’m Dr. Shane Arcanus.”

Baze took his hand. It was elegant with long fingers and perfect manicure. Warm and firm hold. “I’m actually here for my nephew, Cassian. I’m Baze Malbus.” he was surprised that he could somehow say a coherent sentence.

“Oh, Cassian? Right,  _ right _ ! Nice to meet you!” the guy, Shane’s smile showed his perfect teeth. His blue eyes twinkled with joy and Baze couldn’t breath.  _ I never told you I love you.  _ “Chirrut tells me he is a wonderful kid!” he looked to Chirrut and Baze did the same. Chirrut hadn’t moved, barely seeming to breathe, like a statue.

“Yes, he is a wonderful kid.” Baze repeated. “I better check on him. See you later!” He turned and walked away.

_ I never told you I love you. What an idiot! What an idiot! _

He crossed the park and leaned against an old, gnarled tree which had a too sweet smell. It made him dizzy but he didn’t move away. He listened to his wobbly heart as he watched how Cassian and Bodhi are talking with a bunch of others.   

_ Heart of my heart, soul of my soul, since it’s over, all I could think was I never told you I love you. What an idiot! You think you can forgive me? Do you think we could start over again? You think you might love me back … maybe sometime, one day _ ?

_ What an idiot!  _

The nectarous scent of the tree became unbearable, he closed his eyes _. _

“Mr. Malbus, can I have a word with you?” he spin around to see the good Dr. Arcanus in front of him.  _ You have Chirrut, what else do you want? _

“Of course Dr. Arcanus. How can I help?” he put on a smile he saved for his business partners. 

“I have a message to you from Mr. Krennic.” Simple words as any other words put together. Yet, even the simplest words could build a new world. Baze took a better look at the man. He wasn’t even surprised. Dr. Shane Arcanus could be Krennic’s messenger as well as anybody else.

“You know him? Mr. Krennic?” he asked.

“We have some common interests.” 

The park was full, but that corner was somehow peaceful.

“He is a criminal.” Baze didn’t want to say anything more, just state the fact.

“Oh, such big words, Mr. Malbus.” Shane opened his arms, but it was not clear whether he apologized or objected. “I would rather say that he is a businessman, an investor. You know I'm in the antiquities, and nowadays the really valuable pieces are all owned by someone.”

“So you are a resetter?” Baze crossed his arms as a counterbalance.

“Nothing like that, Mr. Malbus..., nothing illegal. I just introduce my acquaintances to each other. And, of course, I do not reject their gratitude expressed in money.” Shane smiled still openly. Like it was alright, like it was an everyday thing. 

Baze asked the only question he thought can might hurt him. “Does Chirrut know about that?”

“Of course not.” the answer came quickly. “As he doesn’t know anything about Cassian.” he added with a kind smile. “I think we can handle this discreetly. When it got into my ears, that lovely boy got in trouble, I offered my services. You know,” he leaned closer.  “...it’s almost like family.”

Baze nodded.  _ Family. Of course. _ “What does Krennic want than?”

“He has some plans on the west side of the city. He wants to buy from you the territory between the West Fifth Highway and the Pacific Road. Can you recall which field is that?”

“Yes, I know. What price?”

“At a price that’ll twitch your balls.” Shane grinned bouncing on his hills. “I admit Mr. Krennic can be very plastic sometimes, but this time I really don’t mind.”

Baze huffed. “He can send somebody to my office tomorrow afternoon for the contract. I will leave the price field blank.”

“Wonderful. I will pass your answer.”

“Is that all?”

“No there is something else.” Amusement thrummed in Shane’s melodic voice. “I just want to ask a favor from you.”

Baze lift an eyebrow. “Oh, so you don’t do it from simple goodness? Or maybe Krennic is not a  _ grateful _ boss after all?”

Shane didn’t answer for a long moment but Baze felt the tension rising in him. “It’s just a favour. A gentleman's agreement between you and me.”

Baze prepared himself. “And what would  _ that  _ be?”

“Leave Chirrut alone!”

_ Chirrut I've failed you several times. _

“If you ever hurt him…!” 

“Don’t be so dramatic!” Shane snapped and waved away Baze’s try to look menacing. “I’m not gonna’ hurt him. I love him, I will spoil him in every kinds of ways. He’s almost over you. Let him forget you.”

Baze tried to think. Baze tried to even his breathing. Baze tried to stop the world from spinning. “What if he doesn’t love you? If he doesn’t want to be with you?”

“If he doesn’t love me it is his choice. I will respect that. I just don’t want you to hurt him once again.” Shane's hands were loosely hanging beside his taupe slacks, there were no wrinkle on his light blue shirt, the dark blue pullover covered in perfect waves his shoulders and Baze had the urge to rearrange it. Shane tilted slightly his head. “So what is your answer, Mr. Malbus?”

_ I've failed you several times, Chirrut. But there was one moment I failed you beyond measure.  _

He reached out his hand. “I promise I’ll do everything in my power to never hurt him again.”

Shane took it. “That is enough for me.” He didn’t smile but there was victory in his eyes.

  
  


****************************************

  
  


“You are too quiet tonight, honey.”  Shane squeezed his hand as they were walking back to his house. They were still in the busiest part of the neighborhood, which was a tiny center. There was a smaller supermarket, dry cleaning, some well known shops with cosmetics and clothes, a bakery, a bank, some restaurants and bars. They had just finished a nice dinner for two in one of them, in the italian, Chirrut loved for its coziness and because of the lovely couple who owned it.

Now they were walking back, and yes, he was quiet, he noticed also that fact about himself and even he found  it strange. The night was pleasant, no coat was needed. Shane was walking next to him with a vibrant but steady presence. Like the cool ocean. He had these strange experiences in the past few months. Those waves, curves, flickers and pulses around him in all kinds of forms and shapes he sensed in random times of the day. When the class was too vibrant, when the barista at Starbucks was grumpy, when they cracked a joke among his colleagues. Like the feeling that Shane was as the cool of the ocean, the ocean that had too many water for Chirrut to be able to understand its size. 

Bodhi was like a deep bell in a sanctuary, Cassian like an arrow piercing through fire. Himself, he felt as if he was a rhythmic energy that was born in the middle of his body, spreading out from that point. To Baze he remembered as a strong but still power, like a mountain that kept gold or diamond or other treasure in its caves. On the days when he felt strong enough to remember.

Shane was cool and deep and always in motion. He felt the same when he was standing in the sand of the beach or when they went with Bodhi on that cruise to see the dolphins. Shane was like that. Smooth and soft on the surface, but below mysterious forces worked. Huge, unpredictable depths with unknown inhabitants. The depths that perhaps were unfamiliar even to the ocean, but still belonged to it, to him. 

Depths that are hard to reach, or even impossible. If you ever tried to reach the bottom of a pool you know how hard it is. You cannot stay down, the water will always push you up to the surface, where you can breath again. However Chirrut sometimes wanted to get lost in those depths. 

Days like this when he was tired. Tired with the world around him so familiar yet so incomprehensible, unconceivable. Always near but never in his reach, slipping away between his fingers. Concepts such as height, distance, colors and shapes. Time. Faces. Things he would never understand. Depths were very tempting at these times, more understandable than the incomprehensible surrounding him. If he had enough time to listen, if he had enough time to submerge, he would understand what it meant. Shane had enough depths for that.

Chirrut stopped and turned to Shane sliding his free hand up on his chest to take the collar of his shirt between his fingers. The material was soft, delicate, prime. He liked the touch of it. The edge of his thumb slightly grazed the skin of Shane’s neck. Shane told him that his skin was lighter, paler than his. Yes, the touch of it was a bit different, even if it was just as warm and full of life as its own. One more thing he couldn’t understand. 

Chirrut rose his head from the collar so high that he hoped their eyes were in line. He felt, he heard Shane’s smile. He smiled back. Shane let go of his hand to slide it up on his arm, then stepped behind him to pull him to his chest. “The moon is much bigger tonight than usual.” he whispered in his ear. “Look, there it is.” he lifted his hand and they both reached out to somewhere above. Chirrut turned his head after the motion. So there was the moon. “It's almost as if you can reach it, hold it, but it is very, very far away, at an incredible distance.” So he too, he also felt this impalpability of reality? 

Shane pulled back their hands to press them against Chirrut’s chest and hold him tighter. Hold him strong, make him grounded. He leaned even closer and started to whisper in his ear again.

“You are the moon, dear love, and I the sea: 

The tide of hope swells high within my breast, 

And hides the rough dark rocks of life’s unrest

When your fond eyes smile near in perigee.

But when that loving face is turned from me, 

Low falls the tide, and the grim rocks appear, 

And earth’s dim coast-line seems a thing to fear.

You are the moon, dear one, and I the sea.***”

Chirrut closed his eyes. It was a pity that only his body responded to Shane, his heart and soul did not resonate. But following his body was just the sort of self-destructive that felt like it was the best thing that had happened to him for a long time. He turned in Shane’s arms. “I’ve always knew you’re such a romantic, Shane.” he whispered against his mouth and Shane closed the distance between their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***  
> The poem is :  
> Moon And Sea  
> Ella Wheeler Wilcox
> 
> Here is the whole confession of Baze (if you want to read it in its full length):
> 
> Chirrut I've failed you several times. But there was one moment I failed you beyond measure. In the last sixteen years I did everything to be able to give to Cassian anything he needed. My time, my attention, my love. I wanted to make sure he can fulfill his dreams. I’ve always thought there is no place for anybody else. I thought anybody else would be a distraction. But I was wrong. So wrong. I lied to myself and I used him as an excuse. 
> 
> I met you and you made me realised that my life is a lie. It’s empty. I filled that emptiness with cheap things making them look valuable. But just one glance in your eyes and I knew that the only valuable thing is you (and Cassian). 
> 
> Heart of my heart, soul of my soul, since it’s over, all I could think was I never told you I love you. What an idiot! You think you can forgive me? Do you think we could start over again? You think you might love me back … maybe sometime, one day?
> 
>  
> 
> Now, I ran away and hide from you all.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everybody who had a second thought that I will never finish...here I am with the last chap.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> Thank you for all your support, kudos and comments - it means me a lot and keeps me write more.
> 
> May the Force be with you all!

The house was quiet. Chirrut was sitting in the middle of the living room turning his face to the rising sun. He could feel its warmth as the beams broke through the trees between the houses. 

When he meditated in the past, he always looked inward, searching for his inner voice, his inner peace. This time it was different. As if everything around him, everything in the house, on the street, in the city, in the whole world was him and he was everything. A thick material, almost palpable surrounded him, flew over him and over everything around him, pulsing, swirling, always changing still always constant.

The mantra led him, he was sure of that.  _ I am one with the Force and the Force is with me _ . He didn’t have to search for peace, for love, for gratitude, for happiness. There were peace, love, gratitude and happiness. He was peace, love, gratitude and happiness. He couldn’t have been anything else.

The floor creaked. The sound of a deep bell waved through the silk of his being. Bodhi was standing in the door. Chirrut mouth turned into a soft smile. “It’s too early. Why don’t you sleep?” he asked.

“Why don’t  _ you _ sleep?” Bodhi let himself down to the floor, next to him.

“I’m watching the sunrise.” Chirrut chuckled and leaned closer. “What are you doing?”

“Well, I’m worried about you?” shrugged Bodhi. 

Chirrut raise a brow to that. “Wouldn’t that supposed to be my job? I mean, shouldn’t that be in the other way around?” he teased and Bodhi shrugged again leaning against his uncle’s side.

“You came home early last night and alone.” Chirrut pulled him in a half hug by his shoulders.

“Oh, you want to talk about that, don’t you? About my love life…” he huffed.

“ _ My _ love life is ok, so…”

“Snooty!” Chirrut laughed. “I’m happy for you. You know that?”

“Yes, uncle, I know.” he gave back the hug. “I just want you to be happy, too. So what about you and Shane?”

Chirrut let him go and instead his shoulders he hugged his own knees. “You don’t like him.”

“I like him.” Bodhi shrugged again. “But that’s not important.” Bodhi kept a pause and Chirrut listened to that deep vibration that Bodhi was. “Are you happy, uncle Chirrut?”

Chirrut turned his face against the sun. “I am happy, Bodhi.” he smiled.  _ And I fear nothing because everything is as the Force wills it _ . “Breakfast?”

“Breakfast.” Bodhi stood up and reached down his hand to him.

  
  
  


**************************************************

  
  


Usually it was Cassian who wake up earlier and whether jumped out of the bed whether jumped on him  to wake him up tenderly. At least according to him, because in Bodhi’s opinion waking up wasn’t tender at all. However, Cassian always found a way to apologize. 

That  morning Bodhi was lucky. He woke up first, catching Cassian covered in the soft orange shadows of the first light. He kept still and quiet, soaking up Cassian’s unguarded, relaxed face and the warmth of his body, wrapped up in the blankets. Bodhi was grateful to  be able to witness this peace of him, free from tension, anger and secrets. 

Secrets that lingered still but somehow were part of the past now. Something that Cassian had before but already left behind. Bodhi didn’t mind it. It was part of Cassian. This was how Cassian was and couldn’t have been different. Bodhi sometimes wondered that all his life, even a few month ago, he wanted to be different, wanted to change. Yet if he had been somebody else, they might had never met and fall in love. Because it was love. He was certain he was in love.

Cassian’s eyelids moved a bit and he turned his head toward Bodhi to rub his face against the bedsheet and wiggle into a more comfortable position. Afer, only after he opened his eyes to see Bodhi smiling at him. “‘morning.” Cassian whispered. 

“Good morning.” Bodhi whispered back. Cassian’s hand slid under the blanket to catch him, pull him closer until their bodies pressed against each other and kissed him. There was no urgency in his moves and Bodhi let Cassian to lead. He opened his lips to give his mouth fully to Cassian’s searching tongue soaking in the softness of the smooth skin. Cassian pulled him even closer and traced his skull under his hair with his fingertips. It was so sweet that Bodhi couldn’t move, he just let himself sink into the sensation. 

Cassian slowly retreated with a lingering touch of his lips. “Last night was wonderful.” he whispered on a hoarse voice. That wasn’t the first time they spent the night together, not the first time they kissed, not the first time they made love. Cassian was not the romantic type but Bodhi felt always that Cassian cared for him. He was gentle, even in the most passionate moments he was searching for Bodhi’s comfort and pleasure. He expressed his feelings with tender touches, small gestures, signs of comfort, but rarely with words. Bodhi was surprised and held back his breath trying to stretch this moment. “We have…” Cassian swallowed hard. “...we have something special, right?”

Bodhi’s lips curved into a soft smile and he finally moved, sliding his hand up Cassian’s spine. “We don’t need anything special. We have each other.” His voice was deep and confident making flames flare up in Cassian’s eyes. It was all right. They had all the time in the world. They stayed like that, holding close and delving into the depth of each other's eyes, letting the world move forward without them.

“Kiddos, wake up!” Baze’s voice broke into their private bubble. “It’s school day! Even if it’s the last before summer.” His voice seemed to be amused even when muffled by the door and the size of the house. Cassian chuckled and pulled Bodhi closer even if it seemed impossible and dig his head between Bodhi’s chin and shoulder to press his lips against his collarbone. 

It was a good day. The best day.

  
  


*******************************************************

  
  


Baze stopped the car in front of the well known, white, one storey building. The magnolia tree in front of the house was in full blossom. Cassian unfastened the seat belt but Baze didn’t touch it. Cassian stopped. “I thought you will come in, too.”

“I’m sure you are strong enough to carry the gift box alone.” Baze said with a reassuring smile but he had to look away from Cassian’s narrowing eyes.

“Bodhi invited you to his birthday party. Personally. He repeated the invitation this morning.” The pink of the magnolia flowers was so bold and careless Baze became almost jealous. “I’m sure Mr. I. wouldn’t mind.” Cassian added.

“It’s... complicated.” Baze told to the magnolia tree, which didn’t seem to be interested at all.

“Baze,...” Cassian sounded impatient. “...you want to say that you trimmed your beard, braided your hair all morning and put on a nice shirt only to drive me here?”

“You mean because of Chirrut? He wouldn’t see it anyway, would he.”

“You put on as much aftershave, even I’m smelling of it, just because I'm sitting here, next to you.” Baze pressed his lips together. “We made a deal. I pulled my shit together. Now, it’s your turn!” Cassian snapped on the handle to open the door and jump to the ground. When he landed he turned back. “So, move your ass!”

Baze slammed his head against the headrest, grumbled something unintelligent and unfastened his belt. “Allright, allright, I’m coming.”

He did. He followed Cassian through the house where they already met some guests but the real party was outside, in the backyard. The chat of the people was almost lauder than the music. Benches and tables were everywhere full with every kind of food the neighbours brought, small children ran between the legs of adults and teenagers talked in small groups. Cassian immediately left Baze’s side when he saw Bodhi who hurried to great him and they disappeared among their friends.

Baze stood in the door. This was the first time, for a long time, he didn’t know what to do. This was far above his control. It was a strange feeling. He wanted to stay and in the same time he wanted just turn on his heels and run away.  _  I eat a cake than I’m gone!  _ His armpit became damp.

“You can put the gift over there.” a familiar woman, probably the mother of one of the boys in the team, pointed on a table on the other corner of the garden full with wrapped boxes, similar as the one in his hands, waiting to be opened. Baze stepped on the grass and hesitantly started to walk, keeping the box in front of him as a shield, or rather as an excuse.  _ I just brought the gift, I just came for Bodhi. I say happy birthday, I eat a cake than I’m gone. _

“Baze, darling!” he looked around for the voice.”Here, come over here!” he saw  Mrs. Organa waving to him invitingly, so he changed the direction of his steps. “Look, who’s here! It’s Baze!” As Baze rounded two teenagers, who leaned above the screen of a phone, he saw who Breha was talking to. 

“Hello, Breha! Hello Chirrut!” he said automatically.

“Hello, Baze!” Chirrut greated him, turning slightly away, to Breha. From the way he quickly pulled closer his cane, fixed his collar and smoothed down his shirt, Baze thought that he wasn’t prepared to meet him. They met only two weeks ago but this short time was enough for the hot, summer sun to tan Chirrut’s skin to golden brown. His milky-blue eyes radiated under his short black hair, shining in the blinding sunshine. Baze’s fingertips tingled as they remembered to the touch of that silky-smooth skin under the collar of his white shirt. Chirrut tilted his chin just slightly up. “So you came?”

Baze cleared his throat. “Bodhi...Bodhi invited me…” he didn’t want it to sound like an excuse, but it was and Baze felt ashamed.

Chirrut turned to him and smiled. Baze didn’t knew that smile, it was a new one and it made his heart ache. A smile reserved for distant acquaintances. “I know. I’m sure he is happy that you came. He likes you very much.” 

Baze let out the air he didn’t even realised was holding back.  _ And you? You don’t like me anymore? My heart, my soul. _ “Yeah, he is a good kiddo.” he answered instead. An adult conversation.

“Do you want to drink something?” chirped Breha. “We have everything and some beer for the grown-ups.” she winked. 

“Breha volunteered to help me out.” Chirrut reached his free hand to her and Breha took it. “I don’t know what would I do without her with all the guests.” he chuckled.

“I’m sure you asked me because I love to organise parties not because you needed help.” she laughed.

“Where is Mr. Arcanus?”  Baze turned around. “I thought he will make the barbecue.”

“Oh, yes, where is Shane?” Breha repeated the question.

“Shane couldn't make it today.” Chirrut poked the ground with his cane several times, still smiling. “There is this big auction in Paris, he had to go there.”

“In Paris? Why didn’t he take you with him?” Baze frowned. If he went to Paris, he would’ve wanted to take Chirrut with him for sure. 

“It’s Bodhi’s birthday…” Chirrut pointed around. “...I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.”

“Speaking of the birthday…” Breha covered her mouth with a small, enthousiaste cry “...I think everybody’s here, we should cut the cake. I talk with that boy, who makes the music to prepare the song. Baze, darling, can you help Chirrut to bring out the cake?” she asked then stepped away.

Chirrut looked alarmed for a moment. “It’s ok. I can handle it. I can bring out the cake, you don’t need to help!” he protested.

“No, its ok. I’ll help you.”  _ Of course I’ll help, I want to help, let me help you.  _ Chirrut was still frowning so he added _ “ _ I hope the cake is in the house. It’s too hot out here.”

“In the kitchen.” Chirrut face smoothened out. He reached out his cane to find his way through the crowd stopping occasionally to exchange some friendly words. Baze followed him like a pale ghost smiling to the empty faces in front of him.

The stone floor made the kitchen pleasantly cool compared to the outside heat. The huge cake laid on the counter of the island in the middle. Chirrut placed his cane in the corner of the furniture and pulled out one of the drawer to rummage in its content. Baze watched the muscles of his back moving under his shirt. After a few seconds Chirrut triumphantly held up two kind of candles in his hands.

“Which one? The number sixteen or the sparkling candle?” he asked from the plates sitting on the shelf in front of him.

“It’s too sunny for the sparkling candle. I would chose the number.” Baze answered craning his neck to see Chirrut’s face. But Chirrut turned to the other direction to step to the foamy giant waiting for to be eaten soon. Baze couldn’t step closer as he realised that the present was still in his hands. He placed it next to the sink.

He was still standing behind Chirrut, who searched for the edges of the cake with a touch as feather light he didn’t even ruined the cream. Chirrut’s aftershave was a spicy contrast to the sweet smell of the cake, his warmth pulled Baze toward him. Toward the man who didn’t want to face him. Who didn’t dare to face him. Baze couldn’t decide which one, but both possibilities were terrible. This was his fault. Only his. Cassian was right he had to make this right.

Chirrut placed the candle neatly in the corner fumbling too long with it until there was nothing more he could do. He  licked an invisible chocolate cream from his index finger, put his hand on the counter then didn’t move any more. The refrigerator roared like a huge, sleeping beast. The chocolate cake was waiting patiently. Chirrut’s back softly rose and sank with his breathing.

Before the silence could stretch awkwardly long Chirrut’s back straightened with a deeper inhale to move, to start some kind of an action. “I’m sorry Chirrut! I am so sorry!” Baze rushed out the words and Chirrut became still again. He didn’t say anything and Baze took it as an encouragement to continue.

“I had to be there for Cassian,” the struggled with the words but he forged on. “I’ve always been there for him.” he swallowed down the anger that started to rise in his voice because of just thinking on her sister. “I’ve spent the last sixteen years making sure he has someone he can depend on,” he clenched his fist. “To make sure he has everything he needs, he is safe and he can have a life he wants.” he stopped fighting with his emotions. “I thought there was no place for anybody else.”

Chirrut head turned slightly from one side to another. “You don’t need to tell me anything.” Chirrut said to the cake on a low voice.

Baze frowned and stepped closer. Their body heat mixing together became palpable. “I was wrong. I care for you.” he let out a shattered breath. “I care for you and I was an idiot to deny it. It was so wrong to push you away. I hurt you, I know and I am so sorry.”

Chirrut slightly swiveled. His shoulder almost touched Baze’s chest. “I know it’s too late now.” Baze pushed on. “I mean you and...Shane. But I wanted you to know that I care for you and I..that I…” he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what he can ask for. “...that I loved you. And I still love you!”

Chirrut’s palm was warm against his chest, even hot. His other hand slid up quickly on Baze’s arm, shoulder and his fingers find first his chin than his lips to press a kiss on them. Baze leaned in the kiss and when Chirrut wanted to pull back he wrapped his arms around him and kissed him back letting free all the emotions he kept locked until this moment. He didn’t let him go even when they parted, he tucked him closer. “I love you, you fool.” said Chirrut more seriously Baze ever saw him and his blood started to run as fast in his veins it made him dizzy. He couldn’t say anything just kiss again those lips tasting like strawberry lemonade.

When they broke for air, Chirrut swayed, looking dazed. Baze huffed a laugh against his cheek firming his hold. He breathed in the scent of his hair and Chirrut tucked his head against his chest. Reality started to crawl back into Baze’s mind and he pulled away a bit. Chirrut’s eye went wide. “What about Shane?” Baze asked desperately.

“I know, I know.” Chirrut turned away his head and bit his lip. Than he looked back to Baze with a shrug and a smile. “But he is not you. He is not you, Baze!” Chirrut stepped back a bit to open the top buttons of his shirt. When the collar parted he traced his fingers on the starbird medal glittering on his golden skin. Baze heart beated so strong that it nearly stretched his chest, while a wonderful, sweet feeling passed through him that made his knees week. He bent down to Chirrut’s waiting lips. The kiss tasted as warm relief. Sweet and soft. Surrender and victory. Chirrut in his arms. This was all he ever wanted, yet more than he could ever wish for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know how you liked it : the whole story and/or the last chap!
> 
> And tell me: do you want new spacedad stories?

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me how you like it! I just love to read comments.  
> You can find me on tumblr under the same name if you want to talk or yell at me about the boyz.


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